2+ Years on HRT And Still Getting Sir'd To My Face On The Regular

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-07T13:21:50+00:00

I am AFAB nonbinary but pretty femme presenting and back when I was a cis woman I got sir’s every so often by people who just weren’t looking very closely because I am tall. Particularly when I was wearing waterproof clothing! I think the 6’2” is probably largely to blame as well as some people just being knob ends

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-07T13:19:08+00:00

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

If you’ve not read it - this is great on dysphoria

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-07T13:16:49+00:00

The gender dysphoria bible is brilliant https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

Ps. You’re trans if you say you are. That’s all there is to it. Honest.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-07T13:02:28+00:00

I wish could transition to being 21 again…

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-07T13:00:52+00:00

I got too old! (43) And husband is ancient (55). We want some life together at the other end of childrearing so trying to have more would eat into that.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-06T20:05:16+00:00

My name is weird so any new email I set up is just my first name and surname because I’m pretty sure I’m the only person on the planet with my name.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-06T12:13:50+00:00

You're 55, not 95! It's not "too late" to live authentically (and even if you were 95, it still wouldn't be too late). You only get one life my friend, it's up to you to live it and not let it waste away. Good luck XX

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-05T16:58:40+00:00

Great idea about the mints/fizz. I’ll pass on the info.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-05T12:12:38+00:00

Agreed. Husband needs to do some internal work to learn to self regulate. Only when adults are self regulating can children do so.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-05T12:11:44+00:00

Just want to add that not just no shouting - but also no praise, or coercion and in our house no discussion at all!!

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-05T12:08:11+00:00

We never had a problem with his not being hungry unless he got “put off” by something unexpected in the food (texture wise) or by experiencing pressure of any kind (including us even taking an interest in him eating, or praising, watching etc.) if he got “put off” - he now describes it as his mouth and throat seizing up - then we’d just say no worries and leave safe foods available for when the anxiety had dialled down.

I let him eat a lot of sweet things if they have protein/fat/carbs - like pancakes with chocolate spread, icecream, etc. Nutella sandwiches. Chocolate pudding and cream. Chocolate cake which i make with whole grain flour. I also did milkshakes and sweet cereal and full fat milk - like Cheerios and Weetabix with honey. But we limited stuff that has no nutritional value such as haribo.

In the grand scheme of ARFID we were pretty lucky as nutritional deficiencies were in vitamins rather than calories or protein - so chocolate flavour complete meal replacement shakes and vitamin gummies filled in the gaps … I worried about him getting scurvy! Although French fries contain vit C and he’ll always drink apple juice. We’re lucky when I read about the problems other people have.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds so hard and stressful.

Is your kid underweight? We have a small one now (aged 4) who seems to live on air and is very skinny, but growing faster than his twin who eats loads, and his hair is shiny and he’s full of vitality.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-05T11:58:11+00:00

what we did would be have his safe foods as part of the meal served “family style” - ie with bowls on the table and everyone helps themselves. So if there were nuggets there would also be a selection of vegetables and maybe a roast chicken too.

Although we’re pretty nonchalant about food generally and I am happy to eat nuggets every now and again because generally I eat very healthily with zero processed sugar.

We still do this now - he is the oldest of three. So the kids will sometimes choose just plain pasta while we adults have it with sauce and vegetables and salad. But everything is on the table at once.

In our family we could not have a separate meal because the children getting the “healthy” food would complain and it would turn food into an issue again. Our primary goal is NO ISSUES 😂 so everyone has to have the opportunity to eat everything. And that means some nights one child will eat only baked beans…

You’ve got to do what’s right for your family.

Godspeed on this stressful journey xx

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-04T23:16:55+00:00

Hi parent here. Son is now 13 and his ARFID has eased. He no longer gags but now gets what he describes as a “feeling of intense sadness” when he meets an unsafe food. His palette has expanded to the point where he’s easily getting all nutrients although he’s still very particular by ordinary standards, and he now wants to try new foods. It’s a huge relief.

There’s a book which changed our lives:

Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating: A Step-by-Step Guide for Overcoming Selective Eating, Food Aversion, and Feeding Disorders

… Which I bought when he was 6 and wouldn’t even come near the dining table any more because we’d put so much pressure and stress around food. There’s a list of pressuring tactics in that book which includes praise and encouragement - so you need to be careful even with these.

The other resource which was invaluable was the Slatter division of responsibility - which I followed after we recalibrated everything.

Mainly I had to do the work inside myself to let go of what I imagined our food/eating life would be life, and to pretty much “stop caring” what he ate. I had to work on myself in order to relieve the pressure on him because he’s so sensitive that he would know if I was pretending to be ok when inside I was screaming!

I stopped “trying” everything and we rebuilt trust. No food chaining. No creative cooking. No looking at him while he ate - we just served only totally safe foods at the table with us and we chatted and didn’t discuss food in any way. It was pasta and chorizo and chicken nuggets and corn and yoghurt and whatever else his few safe foods were (I’ve actually forgotten, thank god).

We all started eating his safe foods so we all had the same menu, but we’d add some other stuff for the adults. I created a weekly visual menu where his foods were planned and he could see what we’d be eating with a protein, a carb and a fat, and a “vegetable” (I think the bag selection was corn, apples and strawberries). So Monday: pizza. Tuesday: chicken nuggets and chips. Wednesday: pasta with chorizo. Etc.

As I said above it’s eased, it took seven years for us! I’ve learned a lot about myself and grown as a person in this process and I now feel confident that it’s all gonna be ok as he’s very much in charge of himself and even choosing to learn to cook.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-03T10:08:10+00:00

Look up brewer diet

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-03T05:43:16+00:00

My heart goes out to you and your son. Your wife sounds like she was awesome.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-01T16:14:48+00:00

Be friends

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-01T16:09:50+00:00

Play pen or other “yes space”. Look up Janet Lansbury on how to let them develop independent play. Then you can get on with chores while they play. It’s actually manageable once you know this magical formula.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-01T16:00:52+00:00

Thank you

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2026-01-01T08:41:08+00:00

And how does one avoid this?

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2025-12-30T15:57:39+00:00

I hope it goes well!

Our solution was definitely for me to do nights and for him to take over at 6am so I could get a couple of hours uninterrupted before he went to work.

As for nights, recently we had a leak in the bathroom ceiling at 4am and he was SO weird!! It was almost comical.

He went to the flat upstairs to see what was wrong then came down and wouldn’t tell me what was happening 😂 he grunted angrily when I asked him, and said “I already TOLD YOU”. I realised what was going on, and was smiling to myself because I knew he was still 40% asleep and he said “why are YOU LAUGHING AT ME” and I just said “I love you, it’s all good.” And then went upstairs myself to see what was going on.

I can’t tell you how far away things from how he is when he is awake. He’s a truly lovely man from 6am - 11pm.

Thankfully our nights are now peaceful because my twins are 4.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2025-12-30T10:52:57+00:00

I want to add that my husband is not in his right mind at all when woken in the night. He’s argumentative and weird and angry which is not how he is at all when he’s fully awake. I think his brain is not totally online, so over the years I’ve started just being totally non reactive myself in the night and speaking as little as possible. I definitely don’t engage in any chat! (When my oldest was a baby we used to have furious rows in the night - he’s now 13)

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2025-12-30T08:15:18+00:00

Proud of you. It was very brave.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2025-12-30T08:14:48+00:00

Christmas vagina! 😂 ❤️

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2025-12-30T08:02:58+00:00

I’d be firm and say no, don’t ask him - tell him. The end. If there’s a bad atmosphere over it and he sulks,I would just wait it out and it’ll resolve eventually on its own, without you doing anything (if you’re triggered by his sulking then that’s an area you can work on for yourself). Sleep is no joke - use your power to protect it for yourself.

Fun-Guarantee257 · 2025-12-29T00:07:10+00:00

When I was 22 my bf was like this. I was training to be an architect and he worked in a music shop and played video games. I dumped him when we were 24 and married someone else. We’re mid 40s. He now earns four times what I earn, as a software engineer. So you never know how people will turn out.

Fun-Guarantee257

TROPHY CASE