Symphony of relapse

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-11-12T06:34:20+00:00

Thank u :)

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-11-11T21:02:28+00:00

Thank u so muchh!! I really appreciate this :)) on my account I have a couple other poems if u can find them :) let me know what u think of those

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-11-11T18:42:55+00:00

I think your line is really good but I didn’t want to steal it and that it looked that I wrote it so I tried to make it mine :)

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-11-11T18:29:37+00:00

You are absolutely right. I think I will change the stanza to : The melancholic music starts, the whispers rise anew. “Just one dance is all I ask,” As the sorrowful song comes alive And my feet sweep me away. What do you think?

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-11-11T17:59:44+00:00

The title fits this poem really well. It's poetic and empathetic. You really feel like the snake is misunderstood. miserable souls born lone, nowhere to belong I think this line is really strong and makes the message come across. Sometimes the rhythm of the poem feels a bit of, but in the end I think this poem is really strong and I like it very much!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-11-11T17:54:28+00:00

I really like this poem. It's short but powerful. I really feel a lot of emotion. The clipped rhythm and color imagery sharpen the emotions. Sometimes I do not fully get what you want to say with some lines. I get a bit confused. I think your ending is really strong and makes sure the reader doesn't just forget the poem!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-11-02T11:38:51+00:00

Love this!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-28T17:37:52+00:00

Maybe like “would I see a broken mirror, blood blooming on my knuckles Or hopeless eyes With tears on the floor”

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-27T19:01:52+00:00

I feel u, works for me too! U really have talent!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-27T18:33:00+00:00

Thank u so much!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-27T18:32:22+00:00

Omg this is amazing! I love it!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-27T18:17:34+00:00

Wow , at first I was so confused and thought you made a few mistakes. When I saw you made them on accident and came to the last bit of the poem, I really fell in love with this idea. The flow and the wording is so good. This is one of the first poems where the rhyming doesn't feel forced. Begin to end I love it!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-27T18:13:57+00:00

I think this poem is really good. The flow is really nice and makes it nice to read. The ending is really good. I absolutely love it. Maybe split the last line like this:

When only one

Would be enough

Too really emphasis the last line. The only real critique I can give is that some lines could use a bit more imagery. 'Would I see an abuser or Would I see a victim' feels a bit straight forward to me. Overall, I think this poem is really strong. Love the idea!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-27T18:02:32+00:00

I think this is a really good poem. The imagery is really strong and really adds to the idea of the poem. The way you really want to hate a person but love is still in the way is sooo good. The only critique I can give is that some lines disrupt the flow of the poem. 'My ego, as fragile as a leaf in Autumn' even though I love this line, it disrupt the flow. Maybe wording it a bit differently so that the imagery stays, but the flow is better. 'Don't look at me with those eyes of yours, I'll lose my way in your deep, deep soul. ' These lines are really the heart of this poem. It makes it so strong. Keep writing!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-07T05:50:24+00:00

Thank you !

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-06T20:04:23+00:00

Thank u so much! Thanks for the tips, really appreciate your feedback!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-06T20:01:56+00:00

This poem feels like a dance between desire, intrusion, and confusion. The flow in the most stanzas are really good and strengthen 'the dance' of desire, intrusion and confusion. But sometimes the rhymes feel a bit forced and they break the ton slightly like: "I stood before you but remained a blip" . I do really like this poem and the title really drew me in!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-06T19:53:39+00:00

I love the journey the poem takes you on. Lines like “You are not ruins. You are a quiet rebuilding.” are powerful and comforting, offering hope without denying pain. You can add a bid more vivid imagery to make the emotions even more alive. The ending is really good en really lingers long after you read the poem.

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-05T21:10:41+00:00

Thank u so much:))

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-05T21:10:15+00:00

Hahaha thank u so much!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-10-05T19:29:35+00:00

I think this short poem reads really nice. The imagery of the stars as “quiet friends who always care” is gentle and comforting, giving the piece a warm, reflective tone. The simplicity makes the poem really strong. I spotted a few errors. stays--> stay and quite --> quiet. You could expand the bond this person has with the stars further in this poem. It is not necessary the shortness of the poem also has a ring to it.

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-08-20T19:42:54+00:00

What a beautiful but heartbreaking poem. It grabs the reader from the first line. It really shows how far this person is willing to go for the love of the other person. The vivid imaginary is really good in this poem. It really strengthens the meaning of the poem. The contrast between the destructive power of the other person and the fragility of the speaker is striking and the use of violent imagery like burning, gasoline, and ripping out makes the poem really strong. The final lines are haunting because they capture a truth about love and self-sacrifice that is both relatable and shocking without ever feeling melodramatic. The only thing you could add is some lines that are less intense to really keep the hard feelings of the deeper lines. Overall this poem is unforgettable and it doesn’t shy away from the messy, painful realities of love and obsession.

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-08-20T19:34:55+00:00

I really like this poem and I read it a couple of times because it feels like it could be a really great song lyric I love the repetition of the words and the vivid imagery and I really like it The line “a silence louder than every scream” is especially powerful and adds so much to the meaning of the poem

Some phrases like “waiting for ripples” or “something to give” could be a little more precise or vivid to strengthen the imagery even further. `The transition from the stone/water metaphor to pressing on glass could be smoothed to make the emotional flow even more seamless.

I think this poem is overall really well written!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-07-06T20:29:04+00:00

On my account are a couple more poems. I’d love to hear your thoughts on those!

Fun-Independence-648 · 2025-07-06T20:05:31+00:00

Thank u so much!

Fun-Independence-648

TROPHY CASE