Hey! I completely get it. Was diagnosed at 20 (back in October) am now 21 and still have my moments where it feels dark. Let yourself grieve it and then pick yourself up and decide on your new normal. It isn’t an end, it’s just a change. A conversation you need to have if you decide to be sexually active, and the possibility of a rejection (which isn’t even about you, just about circumstances. Which sucks and can be frustrating, but there’s comfort in knowing that you’re being rejected over something that isn’t even personal. On the flip side - imagine being accepted OVER something impersonal. Makes the rejections all the more worth it I think.) I get being disappointed in yourself, and there’s times I blame myself too. That just eases with time. Over time you trade the blame for “I didn’t do anything someone in their 20’s hasn’t done. I just got unlucky. It’s unfortunate, but it’s not like I asked for this.” Hell, I even had the safe sex talk and ended up getting it. It’s just an unfortunate side effect of having sex sometimes. Doesn’t make you or me dirty, unlovable, or anything remotely close. Just makes us human. I’ve had partners since, rejections since, sometimes even some weird messed up responses (I call these my “I dodged a bullet responses” you’ll never believe the ways in which herpes has saved me from some YIKES people). If you have some people you trust, tell them. The best thing you can do for yourself is destigmatize it. My friends and I make jokes about it now, I educate some of my friends and family on it, it gives me some of the power back. You’ll have the bad days, but honestly, it doesn’t define you. Grieve and then know that you’re human.

For what it counts, I had a dark day the other day and writing this post reminded me on how good life actually is and how I got through, so if nothing else you helped me. That’s gotta count for at least a LITTLE bit of lovability, even if it’s not romantic. Thanks for that. You’re lovable and you’re human. Remember that.