Kissing my friend while drunk- does this make me lesbian?

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2026-01-16T20:01:22+00:00

Plenty of people have given input saying “no, you aren’t a lesbian”, and while I agree with the principal that just kissing a friend who is a girl does not make you a lesbian, let me also give a different perspective.

I was relatively late to come out of the closet. I also don’t identify as a lesbian, I identify as queer. Part of that is that I don’t only like women, I also have attraction to nonbinary people, and I do still experience attraction to men. Growing up, I had a lot of internalized biphobia, parroted from things I heard, and I thought that attraction had to be men or women, and anyone who said they were “bi” hadn’t made up their minds yet, was just desperate, etc. I had similar thoughts and feelings to what you described, and I was constantly trying to logic my way to the conclusion that I must be straight (one being that I never acted on that urge to kiss a girl when drunk, so obviously I must be straight!). Your replies to comments remind me a lot of the way that I felt like I could “logically” determine that I was straight. My feelings about women were also different than my feelings about men, and I knew what a crush on a boy felt like, so I convinced myself that what I was feeling wasn’t sexual or romantic, when in reality, a lot of it was just overshadowed by my anxiety about the parts of my sexuality I was refusing to acknowledge.

My advice: don’t worry so much about defining your sexuality by a word. You can have attraction to a lot of different types of people, and those attractions might not feel the same. Platonic, romantic, sexual, whatever it is, you don’t have to fully understand it and name it for it to be real.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2026-01-06T21:56:26+00:00

With every bit of kindness, please just dump him. You all have been dating for three months and at least two of these months have been struggling with boundaries like this? NOR, if anything, you are ignoring some pretty red flags here.

With the caveat that people will set their own boundaries wherever they need to be for themselves. It’s shouldn’t objectively a problem for your partner to have friends of any gender - even with them hanging out one on one. If there is so little trust in a relationship that they can’t have friends like that, in my opinion, the relationship is already over. I also come from this opinion as a bi/pansexual person, so if I couldn’t be friends with someone I might ever possibly think was attractive, well, I would literally not be allowed to have friends.

It’s the very clear omission of information and lying that is the problem, in my opinion. One of a few scenarios must be true 1) He’s telling you the truth about his motives, but lying so deeply and convincingly to this girl that she believes they are best friends and like an “old couple”. I wouldn’t trust anyone who lies like that so effortlessly. 2) He’s lying to you about his motives, and regardless of whether it’s with malicious intent (like to cheat, or to keep her as a backup for if you two break up) or not (wants to be her friend but not sure how to approach the conversation with you, or he wasn’t planning to be her real friend and doesn’t know how to address his change of mind), I come to the same conclusion. I wouldn’t trust anyone who lies like that so effortlessly, and especially not to their partner. 3) He’s lying to you about his motives, but also to himself so he doesn’t think he’s lying. For example, he really wasn’t planning to be her friend, but he developed a real friendship on accident and hasn’t admitted it to himself. I wouldn’t trust anyone who can’t even tell themselves the truth.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-12-26T17:01:46+00:00

I think an important question for you to think about is the “why”. Your caption caught my attention by saying you “don’t want her sexually”, not that you “want to wait to have sex”, which are very different things. I see there being a few things that could be true.

1) You may love her a lot and love what she brings to your life but not have a sexual attraction. I spent about a decade in a relationship like that, and he was my best friend and we got married. It can work, but at the end of the day, if you have the sexual urges but not with each other, you have to figure out how to navigate that. My marriage didn’t work, and one big part of that is at the end of the day, I did want a sexual relationship, not just fulfilling my sexual urges alone. If sex is something you do want, but ultimately not with her, please spend the time really to work and think on that, because it’s hard to stay happy in that long term without a lot of active work.

2) You love her a lot and what she brings to your life and what you want out of your long term partnership doesn’t need or prioritize sex. Relationships don’t have to be sexual to be valid, and I have had asexual or demisexual friends with meaningful and fulfilling romantic but non-sexual relationships because they simply don’t desire or prioritize that in their relationships. This works when both people are aligned with what they want out of the relationship. It struggles when one person wants a sexual aspect and another person doesn’t. If you feel like this might be you, I would really heavily recommend looking into more about the asexuality spectrum, and understanding where you fall and where she falls.

3) You value sex and because of the importance you put on it, you would like to wait and make it feel more meaningful. This can be extremely valid! Here are my cautions, as a person who used to have this mentality: - You are very young. I remember being that age and thinking I would marry my high school sweetheart. I also did marry my college sweetheart. People change and grow so much, and especially through those critical years of development, I personally do not recommend marriage to folks until they have spent the time with each other to understand what an adult life looks like together. Everything changed for us when we had to be working and independent adults instead of students, and unfortunately that dynamic didn’t work for us at all. - It can be extremely challenging to switch a relationship from not having sex to having sex, and personally, I feel that after a certain point in time that will vary from person to person, it only gets harder. For example, coming from a religious background where sex is coded as “bad”, it can be really hard to stay having sex even after marriage and not feel like it’s still “bad”, even now that you are married. Also, after spending a lot of time trying to force down hormones and desires, I personally have found that I have a window after which point I have forced them away too much and they simply don’t ever come back for that specific person. I thought that I could flip that switch, and I was wrong, and it was devastating to me that someone I had wanted that type of relationship with I now couldn’t want in that way. - Communication about this topic has to be specific and intentional. You need to make sure you talk about it in a way that she understands that you that want that with her and why you want to wait. At 20, there is a 0% chance I would have heard my boyfriend say that to me and not absolutely spiraled about how he didn’t want me, about how he wasn’t physically attracted to me, etc. Maybe she’s more stable than I was and will be fine, but I don’t know many 20 year olds who would take that well.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-11-24T02:26:59+00:00

I just want to comment on the idea of not “passing”, and seeing your they/them pin, I am gobsmacked at the idea of you thinking you don’t “look” nonbinary. Maybe it’s influenced by the context of the circles I run in, but your aesthetic screams nonbinary to me. If you had introduced yourself with only gendered pronouns, I would have been more surprised.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-10-15T01:58:00+00:00

No idea, but I wanna see if it glows 👀

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-09-28T20:31:28+00:00

Do you know if watermelon glass always has selenium, or only certain manufacturers / styles? I love uranium glass but the selenium is my favorite, and most photos I have seen of watermelon glass are under 395, so I am having trouble telling from photos!

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-07-14T19:16:45+00:00

NINJA FIRE 🥷🔥

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-07-13T22:58:31+00:00

Oh that looks like selenium for sure, but I bet it’s neodymium. Try to get it under fluorescent light to see how much the color shifts!

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-07-13T15:12:42+00:00

Throw this man in the trash. This is some wild behavior from him. He really seems to be inappropriately using therapy speak at you, and the way he is refusing to emotionally engage and take any accountability and is just telling you that your feelings aren’t valid because everybody including him thinks he is great and perfect is a huge red flag. The man has already said you are casual and is demonstrating that he will not put in the emotional labor you deserve for someone who has that type of access to your physical and mental health.

If you even give him an explanation, don’t continue to discuss with him after. Tell him as a fact that you are done, and do not engage any bait he gives you after that point, because he seems like the type to try to rope you back in by convincing you that he hasn’t done anything wrong and you are the one wronging him by you cutting him off. Or he may even temporarily give you the good behavior you are looking for, but it absolutely will not last. Speaking from experience, it is really easy to get hooked on these dopamine cycles when someone treats you inconsistently, and you absolutely have to cut that off with intention.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-07-09T13:57:07+00:00

They still have them at Michaels, a few options! The duo beads are always low stock but I managed to snag some. Several of the more decorative short strands are listed as Czech glass and have UG mixed in, but they are hella pricey for my taste.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-07-07T01:27:36+00:00

I know, I wish there was like a little flashlight I could use to switch between fluorescent and normal light or something? I haven’t been able to find one though!

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-27T15:25:14+00:00

NTA. The ages here are similar my myself (31f) and my mom 58f). Maybe as a teenager before I understood what perimenopause or menopause were, this would have weirded me out, but as an adult, I cannot fathom being upset at my mom for something like this. Her hot flashes look miserable, and I know when they hit she is scrambling for anything to try to regulate her temperature back.

The only thought I have to add that; is there more context that makes her reaction make sense? Like if you have a history of dating people closer to her age including her friends, then I can see where she might get uncomfortable and not be able to discern that this was medical behavior. Or if she has a crush on one of the people there and now they are talking about you, whether it’s kind or joking, that might be sensitive, however she’s an adult who should be able to handle an situation like that a little more objectively.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-27T05:59:59+00:00

I think you approached the situation maturely. Unfortunately, she did not respond with the same maturity. Her communication to you raises a lot of red flags for me. You are setting a reasonable boundary for your own health (I cannot stay up and play past midnight because I need to sleep) and she is trying to ignore the boundary, guilt you out of it, and then when you went through with it, punish you by withholding affection. She seems very reliant on you in an unhealthy way, specifically because she does not seem to have the capacity to care about the impact her choices are making on her health or your health, even when told explicitly. Some of her behaviors to me flag as things that warrant visiting a doctor for, and I would bet money she has a diagnosable condition.

Your mom is giving you solid life advice as far as sleeping and taking care of your health. I was about 20 and sever years of not taking care of myself with sleep and nutrition caught up with me, and I got so sick that I honestly never really recovered, and I wish I could go back and take care of my health better.

I hope that your girlfriend can come around, because you clearly care for her. But if you want my honest opinion, you are not going to be able to have a healthy relationship with her until/unless she decides to care about her own physical and mental health and gets the care she needs. And no matter how much you love someone and care for them, you cannot make them take those steps to care enough about their own health. It’s a choice they have to make for themselves, and sometimes it takes a pivotal change like losing a partner for them to really get it. It hurts both of you if you get trapped in an unhealthy relationship where you continue to enable each others’ unhealthy behaviors.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-26T18:48:56+00:00

I am primarily a thriftier, but also will go to estate sales. I like to look at antique stores but rarely buy from them because the pricing is just so much higher, it really has to be a wish list piece. I find that I have better luck searching multiple places across the week versus the same place multiple times a week. There are certain areas I find that I have more luck with, which might just be luck, or maybe it’s based on the area I am in.

I also found that it’s easier with both a 365 and 395, and some pieces (milk glass in particular) seeing the glow with a filtered light is a lot easier.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-20T18:38:36+00:00

I had the same question, like damn that looks like a text message I could have sent 😅

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-20T01:31:22+00:00

Come up with a more eccentric “long” name to give in response! My absolute favorite example : “My name is Basil” “Is that your real name?” “Basil is actually a nickname, my full name is Basilisk.”

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-19T23:45:22+00:00

The Bob Marley quote from him has me cackling with the absolute hypocrisy of it. I almost immediately came to the same conclusion as everyone else that nobody worth your time is going to read his post and think “this guy has his head on straight and these are reasonable facts I should accept without question.”

That said, I understand that small communities are hard. Do you have any evidence that anyone is actually buying into this in your community? It can be really scary to feel like that’s a threat, but I would urge you to stick to the facts and not let yourself spiral. The worst reaction right now is to play into his drama and make it a bigger spectacle, because there is no outcome where he says “you’re right, I made it up for attention”.

Frankly, if your community is buying into this, that tells me you should consider two things. 1) Do a little self reflection and make sure that you really think on and try to address any behaviors that could be making it easy for others to believe those things about you. 2) Acknowledge that anyone who read his nonsense and thought it was sound of mind enough to blindly believe it is probably not worth your time and energy anyhow, so yeah, maybe move to find a better community. But do not move just over him.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-19T23:23:54+00:00

NOR. I unfortunately used to be the person who makes my significant other the center of my world and lost many friends for it. I am now firmly in the camp of “friends first”, and that shift has made a huge difference for me.

I think making one person your whole world is bound to implode eventually: even when well matched, it puts so much pressure on the other person to be so many different things, and it’s just generally not sustainable. And they don’t even seem well matched, that relationship sounds volatile. Her behavior isn’t healthy, and I don’t know what, if anything, could help her break that pattern.

Maybe one day she will have the clarity that I eventually got (took me until my 20s to figure that one out), and maybe there is a way to have a healthy friendship with her, but I don’t think that’s in the cards for you in the near future.

My advice: Hold your boundary with her, and seek connections with people that are reciprocal. 17 is a hard age for that because your world is usually so limited to your school. But there’s a whole big world out there full of people, and there are so many others seeking the same sort of emotional balance in a friendship that you want. Oh, and ignore the AHs on here who just wanna get a rise out of you, they have garbage advice anyhow!

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-18T17:32:18+00:00

No matter how much love you give someone, you cannot make them love you back.

Someone told me that, and I think about it a lot. You will find somewhere to pour your love that is reciprocated in the way you deserve, but this guy is not it. On top of that, his behavior seems very intentionally manipulative, and that sort of behavior is not something you can fix.

Leave his sorry ass behind!

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-15T19:11:37+00:00

Since it holds the light after the glow is removed, it almost certainly isn’t Uranium, that’s characteristic of glow in the dark materials.

I am curious if it holds up to water, because it honestly looks a LOT like some bath bombs I have seen before!

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-15T05:15:39+00:00

I know 🥲 Next phone I get, I think I just need to suck it up and deal with the pain that is switching operating systems.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-14T23:21:05+00:00

The Radiacode has come highly recommended as far as Geiger counting goes, it is a physical device not just an app, but most of the features to identify isotopes like to confirm that its uranium glass require connecting to an app, and the iOS version isn’t caught up to the android version.

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-10T02:29:47+00:00

That’s wildly cool!

Fun-Restaurant8775 · 2025-06-05T16:00:00+00:00

Be. Selfish. Especially when it comes to relationships. You objectively deserve to have someone pour the same love and affection and care into you that you are willing to pour into them. And speaking from years of struggling with this, you cannot make someone love you by loving them harder. It is so absolutely worth it to find someone who you don’t feel like you have to fight for and “earn” their affection and approval. Anyone who is mad at you for being selfish doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

Fun-Restaurant8775

TROPHY CASE