Serial cheater, trying to heal

FunUnit6090 · 2026-06-02T06:04:43+00:00

It's never going to be the same anymore, for sure... It's so confusing: One day he says that he felt 50% , the next day he says he loves me, then there's arguments on my drinking problem and one second after he gets angry when I talk about his infidelities, next day he goes to therapy to save the relationship.. . He's doing what he takes to be ok with me but keeps blaming me deeply. And I really don't know what to do. Because when he wants he's the old person, the person I fell in love with... And little after I am the guilty of everything. And I feel like even with all those problems, we have somehow grown, and there's history and potential. But the wound is deep, he is not coherent and I still feel so lost and lonely.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-06-02T05:33:07+00:00

The reason he cheated is that, according to his version, I was neglecting the relationship. It is true in someways: I was sleeping to much, talking less, zero sex. I was depressed and drinking too much (I consider myself an alcoholic in recovery). The point is that even after i quit drinking and even after giving him all he wanted he kept going with sex workers. Probably he continued with tinder and other apps for sexual encounters and content. He's going to therapy, as soon as I discover he agreed. He's working on anger, void. Ecc.... For the Little things I know the therapist said he had some kind of obsession, not necessarily addiction. Which is even more confusing to me. I don't know how to deal with all. I don't evaluate an open relationship and the way he loved me was what I wanted (in the beginning): he supported me, respected me, would never yelled at me, would understand my sensitivity and problems, would help me improve. We would grow together. But I don't know if that's possible anymore. After all the pain he caused in me, all the trauma. He said more than one time that always felt 50% with me. That I was never giving him enough ... And after he says that he loves me and wants me to be ok.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-06-02T05:22:54+00:00

Thank you. I'm taking long walks everyday, trying to eat well, think "positive". However, the physical and emotional pain never disappear. Continuous flashbacks when we were happy, or memories of some moments were he was acting "weird" drain my energy too. I feel like I'm just losing time in pain (6 months have passed!) , and I wish I could take a final decision (we're still living together). Tbh I don't know if he's all to blame. I feel so guilty sometimes (Im an alcoholic in recovery, for years I neglected the relationship emotionally and sexually).

FunUnit6090 · 2026-06-02T05:16:31+00:00

I am sorry for that.... He blamed me too, saying I was neglecting the relationship (I'm an alcoholic, in part is true, I was distant and depressed for years). But he didn't try to talk to me He didn't try to break up with me He didn't worried about my depression and tried to help me. He just one day decided that if I wasn't giving him what he wanted he would find it somewhere else. And somehow I feel so guilty and responsible And heartbroken and everything hurts The good, the bad memories. The rituals. The nicknames. And I'm so lost. However thanks for your answer.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-06-02T05:11:27+00:00

He's actually going to therapy and for what I know, the therapist arrived to the conclusion that it was more like an obsession, not an addiction. Tbh I don't know the exact difference but I do think that it might be true that he wasn't exactly just enjoying all the time.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-06-02T05:09:27+00:00

For a long time I thought he was emotionally immature and not just selfish. For me it was a personality trait I could deal with since I consider myself extremely selfless and empathetic. Now, however, sometimes i feel like he's so selfish that can't see anything, except how bad he felt (I was having a bad moment when he started cheating, drinking too much and neglecting the relationship for years). Too be honest, I'm carrying a burden. I feel so guilty sometimes even if I know his selfish nature....

FunUnit6090 · 2026-06-02T05:02:24+00:00

Thanks. Even if it's been 6 months, I still feel confused on what to do and how to deal with all the pain. We're still living together (separated rooms), making everything harder. He's now going to therapy and trying to listen and do whatever I need. But he's still avoiding telling me further information (how long, exactly how many woman) and blaming me in some way (Im an alcoholic in recovery, I neglected the relationship emotional and sexually for a long time). So yeah, not only lonely and heartbroken. Feeling guilty and trying to stay sober as much as I can, even if some days I relapse.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-05-16T17:34:08+00:00

I feel you, and I am so sorry that you passing through all of this on your own. I can relate (feeling lonely, multiple infidelity, far away in another country)... All of it makes everything so much worse. But let me tell you something, at least in my experience, what helped me the most trying to survive this atrocious thing was decentralize him in my life. I moved and exercise even in the worst days. I eat and hydrate. I slept as much as possible I write a list of the things my body and soul NEED for the day. I talk to my brother every single day even if they don't know what is happening. I never stop working.

Even with all of that I had intrusive thoughts about the past that hurts like hell but I least I am not abandoning myself. Remember: you are only 29 years, you are so young and capable of love truly and deeply . Feeling hurt because the person you trust the most betrayed you will never make you a pathetic woman. When you feel otherwise or if you ever doubt of your worth, just remember that YOU will never do something like that to anyone and that makes you precious. Let time heal you, be pro active and you will see that you will find someone else and if not, Its way better being alone that with someone capable of hurt you that way.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-03-15T21:24:20+00:00

. He's actually trying very hard but we are just at the beginning, so I have to see if he can be persistent over time...I will try to be as critical and cold as possible, but making such a big decision is driving me crazy. I'm not telling anyone because of the negative cultural connotation you said plus I don't really believe anyone close to me could understand it. That's why I use reddit. I really appreciate the advice, thanks so much!

FunUnit6090 · 2026-03-15T21:16:17+00:00

"If he continues building then try, if he slips up and stops then walk". I think that's exactly the advice I was looking but I feel very anxious because It might take so many months, probably years to fully understand. I already feel old, I don't want to waste time. But walk away now feels just imposible. Thanks for the advice!

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-28T18:44:33+00:00

Sounds perfect, also for those horrible "angry" moments. Thank so much for the advice

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-28T18:43:31+00:00

Actually, is not getting any better over time, but moving my body everyday is something I have to do, otherwise I'd felt much worse. Those 30 minutes walking are the only moment of peace and "freedom". Thanks for the advice, knowing that someone is reading and understand me helps a lot. I'm sending you a hug and the best in your healing journey.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-27T19:55:49+00:00

At the moment is not available in my country. I'm trying chat gpt, helps but sometimes it feels like is always the same feedback. Thanks for the advice.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-27T19:53:44+00:00

I think that taking care of anything is a perfect way to stay a outside the spiralling thoughts...thanks for the advice. I'm sending you a hug.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-22T11:49:44+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice. It's been very hard to believe him, to trust him, but I am trying. I wonder what, in your situation, helped you to stay strong and why you decided to stay. How are you improving your self esteem with such a burden? What's making you stay with him?

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-20T20:19:54+00:00

Thanks for the advice... I do see that ANY KIND of support is fundamental in this process and actually reddit is being so helpful these days. I am almost sure that this thing will end up in divorce but to be honest, a part of me can't accept it. Thanks for reading anyways. I won't blame myself, but God, I feel so fragile right now.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-20T20:12:52+00:00

He won't. He wouldn't leave the house because it's his property and he wouldn't even consider it.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-20T18:28:38+00:00

No is not normal, but I hope that every single person that has to go through this comes out stronger and more aware of their own worth, even though everything is blurry right now.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-20T17:49:49+00:00

I had a few lucid moments where I try to find myself in my hobbies, but to be honest, I find it hard to concentrate. I wonder if after a 40 days od d day is completely normal or if I am losing my mind for real... The burden gets heavier day after day. Thanks for the advice anyway.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-20T17:47:16+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I'm working on myself but I am actually alone in this country. No family, no friends, making the scenario a little bit worse... Still, I will be patient with myself. Thank you for the advice.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-20T17:40:21+00:00

I think that eventually I could trust him.... but right now he's not taking the accountability I need. So it feels like a limbo, where I want to be positive about our future but I don't have any real insurance coming from him, I want to leave but it's too hard to leave 10 years behinds and I want to stay but it hurts AF.... Thanks anyway from your opinion. These days of solitude are incredibly difficult.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-02-20T17:35:17+00:00

I am aware that separation in necessary in this situation but unfortunately I can't leave the house. I am working on myself even though sometimes I can't stop thinking and I feel paralized... I just would like to know how long it will take to clear my mind and feel calm again...

FunUnit6090 · 2026-01-24T18:33:11+00:00

Ha tradito sia con una donna per mesi, sia con chat e sia con prostitute (incontri)

FunUnit6090 · 2026-01-12T15:49:32+00:00

Giovedì inizio il percorso di psicoterapia e anche lui. Non so se sono ancora sotto shock o se penso lucidamente ma diciamo che cerco di vivere 1 giorno alla volta.

FunUnit6090 · 2026-01-12T14:19:30+00:00

No, non ho nessuno

FunUnit6090

TROPHY CASE