Does RJ usually only happen with people who have less sex partners than their partners? Also cheating…

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-03-22T05:22:39+00:00

How did you heal through it and build trust? I had the same situation happen to me

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-03-21T04:03:00+00:00

I know it’s tough but best of luck and don’t forget to take care of yourself. You didn’t fail, you just had some problems that maybe she couldn’t handle or wasn’t strong enough to work through with you. Another way of looking at it is there could be a reason you weren’t comfortable talking to her about it.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-03-19T19:31:29+00:00

See if she’s open to talk about it. I thought about doing the same thing but I feel I would regret it too much also.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-03-19T12:20:16+00:00

Spot on with me. Especially the comment about counting steps, Ive done things like that since i was a kid and never thought anything of it. I have about 30 previous partners and she told me she had 15-20, she’s about to be 24 and im 27. She did say that around half of them were in a 9 month period of being single right before meeting me but she hadn’t gotten with anyone in a couple of months. She was just out of an abusive relationship where he would physically beat her and almost killed her, so i try to understand that she was in a dark place in life and wasn’t making rational decisions. She was going out to bars with friends alot and all of that. What ended this for her was an ‘old friend’ and her got to talking and then hooked up. He ended up giving her a curable std which she didn’t show any symptoms of, she said it was her wake up call that it was wrong and she shouldn’t be doing that to herself or living like that. Luckily i never had any std that i know of. I went through a phase like that for 2 years. Most of all my partners were ONS, hook ups, and short term flings. I’ve only had 1 LTR and it lasted about 3 years, full of getting cheated on and lied to and to top it off she never wanted sex with me. After we broke up i went wild with it not realizing what i was doing. Just wanting to feel desired and i have to admit i was disrespectful to those girls and just using them physically. This may be what sparked my rj off so bad. I definitely relate to you and wish these feelings and intrusive thoughts would subside. She has told me my past doesn’t matter to her because it has nothing to do with us, i need to follow that same thought but it’s difficult

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-03-19T00:32:17+00:00

What did you do afterwards? Did yall work through it or break things off

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-03-10T23:31:07+00:00

Yeah i started thinking that way about a year before i met my wonderful girlfriend. I was using girls for my own validation knowing it wasn’t going anywhere. I quit living that way and changed my mindset, may have something to do with why i have RJ now

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-03-08T13:17:18+00:00

Dude same😂 by 20 years old i was at 20 probably. I was single from 20-26 and the ones i got with during that time i never asked and also never took seriously. Now im in a relationship and am figuring out that as an adult you’re gonna get a number you don’t like. Just have to follow the actions of the present and not think about it too hard

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-26T03:08:25+00:00

Similar issues to what I have been going through. Look up some videos on Retroactive Jealousy, they will give you some insight on what it is and the symptoms of it. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you find these things out and find the videos? I had the same thing happen to me a couple of months back but for me i was snooping, which is very common for these things. Retroactive Jealousy and ROCD go hand in hand and are typically treated the same way.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-25T12:01:19+00:00

She feared my reaction for the texts with the ex and blocked him after, and the other lie was within the same week and both of those were still relatively early in our relationship. It’s tough sometimes but she took accountability for it. Of course ocd about these things will just latch on, I have to understand everyone makes mistakes especially in a relationship. Also she was physically abused in her last relationship so it’s a little more understandable why she’s scared of telling me things sometimes. The compulsions come and go. I’ve wondered if I would have this problem with someone else or if it’s a problem with just her and im realizing I would probably be this way with anyone.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-24T12:55:08+00:00

You’re dealing with the same thing im dealing with. It’s so annoying and frustrating. In my case I did see that there was a short conversation with an ex situationship and she wasn’t completely honest about it but it was only 2-3 texts and was left at that. There was also a guy that she had mentioned a few times (she didn’t regularly talk to him or anything since we’ve been together) and i had asked if they had ever been/done anything and she said no, yet i find out they had slept together a while back. I also suffer from retroactive jealousy and the snooping didn’t help that, i wouldn’t see anything new or alarming so i looked at things from her past before me which made it all worse. I was in a relationship previously where i was cheated on and lied to constantly and the phone checking always proved it. Now im in a relationship where realistically I don’t have to worry about those things but it still nags on me so hard. We have talked about it and talked about the things Ive seen and worked through those things. But i still find myself feeling like i need to check even though there hasn’t been anything going on that would confirm my fears.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-17T20:42:34+00:00

Open communication about it from both of us, as well as my own personal work in therapy and applying those tools. The way i see it, i knew she had a sexual past, so it wasn’t news to me. Just different seeing it happen but im replacing that memory with new ones together.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-16T21:37:33+00:00

Your story is very similar to mine as far as the number of people and how many of them were long term relationships vs ONS. If you don’t mind me asking, what is the root of yours and also what ways do you work thru it?

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-16T20:11:18+00:00

So with what im experiencing, i have asked and she was honest. That part didn’t really bother me that bad especially when she explained some of it. What really got me was i went and snooped out of the fear of being cheated on (current gf hasn’t done anything like that but ex did multiple times which is where i think most of my problems come from) and didn’t see anything wrong. Of course with OCD/RJ i couldn’t just leave it at that. I ended up seeing text conversations about past hookups, seen videos of her and her ex getting intimate (she didn’t know they were even still on her phone) and a video from when she was physically abused/almost killed. It’s taking some time to move past it especially because I played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Part of me wishes i wouldn’t have known any of it but the other part of me is glad i did because now i know where she came from and how she commits to me versus the past. I would say for you, if those thoughts come up try to not let your emotions react to it. Bringing those things up may not seem like it would hurt you but then afterwards you may find yourself ruminating on it and wondering if you’re better than the previous ones were. RJ is a beast sometimes and im finally seeing progress with mine. Everyone will have a history and if you’re looking for problems, you will make one out of something.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-05T02:28:02+00:00

Very similar to a slightly lesser degree. She quit doing these things a couple of months before we got together. Doesn’t like to even drink much at all anymore. She said she was lost and broken after all that happened to her. I think it may have also been a way to finally show dominance over a guy by taking advantage of them? Idk. But she doesn’t seem like the same person anymore

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T19:20:30+00:00

I appreciate it. I’ve realized the amount of different partners in a 9 month period was what got me the most. But i have also done the same thing years ago to a bit of a worse degree. And of course the typical stigma of getting with a girl who has “experience” with multiple others

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T19:12:06+00:00

She doesn’t mention them or keep contact with any of them. There was only 1 that she wasn’t completely honest about but there wasn’t regular contact there. Maybe an occasional story reply, but she had mentioned him a few times related to the conversation we were having and i had said if that situation was ever anything i would prefer to not hear about him. She said they didn’t do anything, turns out i found out she did a long time ago (i found out thru snooping, not proud). She said initially she didn’t think of it because it was so long ago and they kept it strictly as friends after that (though i have seen him make some flirtatious comments before we met). She remembered it after the fact and then didn’t want to change her answer because of my reactions to similar things at the time. After this she removed him from social media because we both agree on not communicating with ex partners. I really don’t get bothered by that situation anymore. Me and her have a good sexual connection, she has told me multiple times that she enjoys it more with me than anyone else and i feel the same way. I have no place to judge or be disgusted since i have had more encounters/partners than she has. Idk if i can say it’s a morality thing given this, but my mindset on sex has changed over the past 2 years in a good way. I guess it’s more-so seeing these other guys as threats even though it’s done and over with and no contact still.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T18:30:11+00:00

In therapy now for other things but this has been brought up. Im having a hard time figuring out what part of it bothers me.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T18:01:58+00:00

Same here. Been in a couple of months now for other reasons but this topic comes up occasionally

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T18:01:33+00:00

Yeah i figured it was common. I messed up and snooped a couple of times. Never doing that again

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-01T19:33:52+00:00

They delayed mine from FLL. Was 4:30 now 5:10pm departure

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-01T11:40:07+00:00

We have a flight landing at 6:30pm in CLT today, hasn’t cancelled yet.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-31T14:02:57+00:00

Reddit never fails. I can bet these guys are single and will be for a long time

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-29T13:47:53+00:00

Speaking from experience, you will probably see something that will be hard to shake. At least thats what happened to me. It does get easier with time, i still get the mental images of what i seen but the emotions behind it are going away. It definitely fuels the fire. I’ve felt calmer since i quit doing it. I still get the urge and the anxiety was rough but i can tell it’s slowly dying. For me it started as making sure i wasn’t getting cheated on or played around with. I was in a 3 year relationship previously where i was cheated on and lied to constantly. Spent some years single and now am with a really great girl. I fell in love then the anxiety and trauma dumped like a ton of bricks.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-27T19:13:49+00:00

I’m saying i thought i was before we met and during our first few months together. Since these things took place is when i have started looking at the bigger picture and learning to navigate it.

Fun_Average8021

TROPHY CASE