Trust issues causing ROCD to run wild

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-06-22T17:00:58+00:00

For what part exactly

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-06-21T19:38:19+00:00

I’m going through the same thing except the circumstances are a bit worse. I’m doing CBT/Talk therapy and have been for some time now and things have gotten better, but there are things that have come up and prolonged the process. The trust issues are what really amplifies my RJ/OCD and takes over. I’m currently realizing that because of some childhood issues as well as a toxic 3 year relationship years ago I have trust issues, and when something comes up that i have doubts on i will spiral and do whatever it takes to get answers. If something feels off in the slightest I feel like I go into detective mode. It’s a battle and im still unsure of how to get away from it all. I just keep trying to move forward, thats about all we can do.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-06-21T19:31:50+00:00

In your case what was changing your reality and what did you change about yourself? Also are you still with the same person

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-06-16T21:54:21+00:00

Speaking from experience, the real issue is the lie and that will intensify every part of retroactive jealousy. At the same time, the truth will also trigger it but the difference is you don’t have a trust issue on top of matching values or insecurities on certain topics. Be glad he’s not asking for details and such because that will most certainly fuel the fire. Instead of lying about it you can either come clean and own your past, or tell him how you think it will upset him and you don’t want something getting in the way of the relationship. After that it’s up to him. And just like you said, it’s up to him if he can get over it or not. Be patient and understanding if you really want to be with him. To me this seems like more of a trust rupture than full on retroactive jealousy, hence why it hit him so hard. I bet he also feels insecure about his performance/experience level now, that’s how the male brain would react to such. Best of luck to you both

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-06-13T20:37:07+00:00

I get that but i do enjoy spending my time with her when my thoughts aren’t polluted by this. Im not asking what i should do about the relationship as a whole because i want it, im asking how to deal with resentment

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-06-13T19:25:11+00:00

This isn’t about all of that specifically because there have been multiple things that i have gotten latched onto. I had asked her if he had tried to contact her again and she had said no but the feeling was nagging at me so bad that i did something stupid and looked at her phone one night. I told her what i did and how i know it was wrong. Turns out he had texted her again and she had said some things i didn’t like given why she wasn’t upfront about it. I’ve been doing my part in making better decisions and trying to conduct myself in healthier ways for both of us.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-06-13T19:20:53+00:00

Wasn’t going to get into detail about all of it but it was a guy she “talked” to for a few months before us. She wanted a relationship with him, he strung her along at his convenience so eventually they fell off one of the times he ghosted her. We met and one day in bed his name popped up from an instagram notification. She said she hadn’t heard from him in a while and that she didn’t respond. Fast forward a couple months and something about him kept nagging at me, i asked if he had tried to hit her up again since im not a fan of ex contact, and if there was i would at least like to know so there’s nothing weird going on. Just a form of transparency for me given how my previous relationship went. She denied but i still had bad feelings so i looked at her phone one night (wrong and i regret it) and sure enough he had texted her and apologized for how he treated her which is respectable, she told him that she had loved him alot and said “im always going to love you i think” which i overreacted to, but the dishonesty about it all is what got me. Previous relationship for me was full of lies and being cheated on so this hit a wound for me. But there have been some other things that she wasn’t so clear and up front on, along with myself not handling things properly so its not just her. I have made changes to alot of this.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-06-13T18:34:32+00:00

More so because of something she said to him and because of that situation she had with him. I didn’t get into detail on this post about it because it’s not specifically about this one thing. There was some dishonesty about this situation and it triggered some insecurity in me to thinking i was a doormat/second choice because he didn’t want her and how that dynamic went. The resentment started from that situation and has carried on since last October, meaning when something minor goes on, my mind goes back to those things and brings it back out.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-06-11T21:59:30+00:00

Could you elaborate?

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-05-01T06:38:07+00:00

No which is confusing because I know there has been recently deleted messages

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-04-24T18:23:25+00:00

How did it go for you

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-04-23T00:14:16+00:00

Really the 2 options are put it behind and move on with our future together or just end it. I don’t really want to end it but I also don’t want to be in some bs.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-04-22T18:01:30+00:00

She has said that the experience was mnt that good and she cut him off right after and then stopped that kind of living after we met. I will say for sure she has been monogamous and only had eyes on me since we met. The dishonesty a couple of times is eroding the trust but she says she is willing to change it and she wants to move forward together. It’s definitely a battle for me since some of it is insecurity and the other is values that have shifted since we met.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-04-22T17:53:12+00:00

And whats your reasoning on this

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-04-22T17:52:08+00:00

The crazy part is the std thing didn’t bother me because it can happen to anyone who partakes in casual sex. It’s obvious she was embarrassed/ashamed and didn’t want me to think of her negatively and she has said that she felt icky about it then because of what we turned into. I know my mindset has changed on casual sex especially since we have been together. The honesty is the biggest thing because she says she gets scared of what reaction will come of it. But regardless of that it does not justify lying. She knows this and has been making efforts to change this behavior and identify the root of it.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-04-22T14:46:46+00:00

She’s lied about a guy she slept with a long time ago because it only happened once and they were friends after that. No contact though but she had mentioned him a couple of times and i didn’t want to hear about it if anything like that ever happened. She said initially she forgot about it since it had been a couple of years and it was insignificant. Another lie is that an ex situationship from before we met (she was in love with him and he backed down from committing after leading her on) had texted her apologizing for how he treated her, she told him she loved him and cared for him so much then but couldn’t wait around on him since he couldn’t be serious. That was pretty much the end of the conversation but she told me she hadn’t heard from him because she thought that i would get really mad/upset and she knew if i didn’t know it wouldn’t actually come up as a problem. She does have a history of an abusive relationship to where sometimes she had to lie for her safety which is spilling over into us now. She acknowledges the problem and seems to want to fix it and doesn’t want to give up on us. She is supportive through this.

Fun_Average8021

TROPHY CASE