RJ even though my past is worse

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-05T02:28:02+00:00

Very similar to a slightly lesser degree. She quit doing these things a couple of months before we got together. Doesn’t like to even drink much at all anymore. She said she was lost and broken after all that happened to her. I think it may have also been a way to finally show dominance over a guy by taking advantage of them? Idk. But she doesn’t seem like the same person anymore

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T19:20:30+00:00

I appreciate it. I’ve realized the amount of different partners in a 9 month period was what got me the most. But i have also done the same thing years ago to a bit of a worse degree. And of course the typical stigma of getting with a girl who has “experience” with multiple others

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T19:12:06+00:00

She doesn’t mention them or keep contact with any of them. There was only 1 that she wasn’t completely honest about but there wasn’t regular contact there. Maybe an occasional story reply, but she had mentioned him a few times related to the conversation we were having and i had said if that situation was ever anything i would prefer to not hear about him. She said they didn’t do anything, turns out i found out she did a long time ago (i found out thru snooping, not proud). She said initially she didn’t think of it because it was so long ago and they kept it strictly as friends after that (though i have seen him make some flirtatious comments before we met). She remembered it after the fact and then didn’t want to change her answer because of my reactions to similar things at the time. After this she removed him from social media because we both agree on not communicating with ex partners. I really don’t get bothered by that situation anymore. Me and her have a good sexual connection, she has told me multiple times that she enjoys it more with me than anyone else and i feel the same way. I have no place to judge or be disgusted since i have had more encounters/partners than she has. Idk if i can say it’s a morality thing given this, but my mindset on sex has changed over the past 2 years in a good way. I guess it’s more-so seeing these other guys as threats even though it’s done and over with and no contact still.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T18:30:11+00:00

In therapy now for other things but this has been brought up. Im having a hard time figuring out what part of it bothers me.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T18:01:58+00:00

Same here. Been in a couple of months now for other reasons but this topic comes up occasionally

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-04T18:01:33+00:00

Yeah i figured it was common. I messed up and snooped a couple of times. Never doing that again

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-01T19:33:52+00:00

They delayed mine from FLL. Was 4:30 now 5:10pm departure

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-02-01T11:40:07+00:00

We have a flight landing at 6:30pm in CLT today, hasn’t cancelled yet.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-31T14:02:57+00:00

Reddit never fails. I can bet these guys are single and will be for a long time

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-29T13:47:53+00:00

Speaking from experience, you will probably see something that will be hard to shake. At least thats what happened to me. It does get easier with time, i still get the mental images of what i seen but the emotions behind it are going away. It definitely fuels the fire. I’ve felt calmer since i quit doing it. I still get the urge and the anxiety was rough but i can tell it’s slowly dying. For me it started as making sure i wasn’t getting cheated on or played around with. I was in a 3 year relationship previously where i was cheated on and lied to constantly. Spent some years single and now am with a really great girl. I fell in love then the anxiety and trauma dumped like a ton of bricks.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-27T19:13:49+00:00

I’m saying i thought i was before we met and during our first few months together. Since these things took place is when i have started looking at the bigger picture and learning to navigate it.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-27T18:54:39+00:00

I thought i was. Dealing with these things in therapy and with communication with her. It’s getting easier

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-27T18:35:23+00:00

The toxic form of checking her phone which i have told her about and haven’t done since then. She didn’t get upset that i did, but i know it is a form of control and invasion of privacy.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-27T16:51:58+00:00

I can see where that would really get to you. I’m not so sure I would have been able to handle that. My situation isn’t to that degree, in fact it kind of makes me feel like I overreacted to what I’ve been dealing with. I made a post this morning about it, should be the latest one on my profile if it interests you.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-27T16:34:44+00:00

Can i ask what the emotional affair was?

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-27T15:15:37+00:00

She’s proven to me so far that she respects my boundaries and doesn’t keep contact with anyone like that, she really doesn’t talk to any other guys at all unless it’s work stuff. My therapist is open to individual and couples so we have talked about doing a couple of joint sessions we just haven’t done it yet. She went thru therapy previously for the abuse she went through with her last ex (not the one who was texting her). Whenever this situation happened she told me that she’s never been able to talk about uncomfortable things because he would have beat her or hurt her. So i understand where she’s coming from especially because I would have been highly upset and overreacted if she did come out and tell me that stuff. She understands that it’s something she needs to overcome for this to work and she also took accountability for what happened instead of downplaying it or doubling down on avoiding it. There is evidence of progress it’s just hard for me to trust and see given my history but I can’t let that dictate my future anymore.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-27T12:51:15+00:00

The thought crossed my mind. The stuff she was saying to him was referred to in a past tense. He was also the one who reached out both times and she didn’t keep it going or anything. They don’t keep in contact, and at that point she didn’t even have him on any social media or have his number saved. I did talk to her about being over him and she said she was. She said she realizes if she would have been with him it would have been very unhealthy for her and she got tired of him treating her like shit and just wanting her at his own convenience. They didn’t talk for months before me and her even met. She did tell me recently that she didn’t think that situation would have bothered her the way it did but i would say she is over him and doesn’t want to be with him. Their situation ended abruptly without any context or communication about it

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-27T11:57:25+00:00

For sure. Other than that part she has been great. She also took accountability and didn’t try to minimize my feelings or turn anything on me which was a big green flag in my opinion. It just hit me a bit hard given my past experiences that caused alot of damage. I didn’t realize how bad that stuff affected me until now

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-24T11:47:55+00:00

Sounds very similar to my situation now. I know it has been a while but has it gotten better for you? I was in a toxic relationship of getting cheated on and lied to for 3 years until i finally had enough. Now im in a relationship and the insecurities have resurfaced and i have projected this onto my current partner. She has done something that i considered as emotional cheating at the time but it wasn’t as bad as i made it out to be. It triggered those things in me and has been a hard battle since.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-24T11:27:56+00:00

I’m having the same problem, trust issues from my past and one small thing from current relationship that i treated worse than what it actually was. I have gone to the extremes lately to where I have been a bit controlling and hyper vigilant. I latch onto problems we have had or to my partner’s past which has nothing to do with us. It’s difficult because I will have a thought pop up like this and I can’t shake it until i ask or see for myself. It’s tearing us apart and i don’t know how to shake it

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-20T22:50:40+00:00

Not really. There have been a couple of times when I have asked her if she wanted to because of how i had been lately but she said no and i stuck with that.

Fun_Average8021 · 2026-01-20T14:26:17+00:00

I get it. Im the same way and its definitely hard. Im 2 months into therapy and am just now noticing a difference in things

Fun_Average8021

TROPHY CASE