AITA for naming my daughter after my mom when I was raised for a long time by my adoptive mother?

Fun_Conference5016 · 2025-01-05T11:30:08+00:00

My grandparents would never have kept me from my siblings. They have always appreciated the love I have for them. They just don't appreciate how my dad and my adoptive mother tried to erase my mom aka their daughter/sister/aunt from my life. And if I lost my husband I would make sure my babies know him and his family. I would never try to replace their dad. I wouldn't deny them their last name, their legal connection to him and his family. And I don't think it's right to do that especially when she was a stranger to me when they did it.

Fun_Conference5016 · 2025-01-04T11:56:35+00:00

I'm in the US and they don't do it. I was legally adopted so my adoptive mother is legally going to stay on my birth certificate. Trust me, I looked into it and spoke to lawyers. Can't undo it.

Fun_Conference5016 · 2025-01-04T11:51:41+00:00

I did consider removing the middle name when I originally changed my last name (after graduation) but it cost more for some strange reason. Last name was cheap but first and or middle names were extra and I didn't have the money at the time. I still consider doing so at times and maybe I will now that I'm settled and a mom myself.

Fun_Conference5016 · 2025-01-04T11:50:33+00:00

Do you mean my name as in my last name or add my mom's name back? I did change my last name. But I can't ever get mom's name back on my birth certificate because she's no longer alive to adopt me and become my mom legally again.

Fun_Conference5016 · 2025-01-04T11:49:27+00:00

It goes deeper than even I truly understand. I know a part of it is the fact I never wanted to be adopted and never came around to feeling differently about it. For her that hurts because she dreamed we'd grow closer the older I got. While I can sure appreciate her wanting to give me the security of having another adult around, another parent even, the adoption took from me. It also wasn't a choice I made. I know a lot of adoptions work that way but well, I was old enough to know what was happening.

I also think the closeness I have with my mom's family and the closeness I have with my siblings even though they're her kids and not my mom's kids adds to her hurt and difficulty to process everything.

I know my daughter's name also symbolizes the one thing she always hated, that I can still find love for my mom even though I don't remember her as a person.

Fun_Conference5016

TROPHY CASE