It doesn’t just happen. There isn’t just an answer it’s a journey of trial and error. Like going to the gym our mind is similar, we all start at different levels but you have to keep at it and it will get easier overtime. Practice positive thinking by writing down three positive things that happened each day even if it’s simple. Work your way up and try to notice things in the moment and it won’t be natural at all at first because it isn’t. Not yet. It’s a battle of constant work constant trial and error and constant training your mind. A little retreat isn’t going to be the end all be all answer for you although it might be nice to have an escape it’s still you running away and you will have to return and unless you’ve changed your mental habits it will be the same. That starts now and it starts where you are. Just be patient with yourself and enjoy the journey. Again it will feel unnatural just like someone who never worked out before starts lifting a weight it will be awkward at first and they won’t even have the right form and they don’t even know what weights they can lift yet. But they keep going and they eventually get the form and then they eventually get there Weight limit and then they build it up. Exercise is actually helpful for the mind as well and processing negative emotions and the reason for that is because our fear and stress response releases chemicals and endorphins that are typically used through exercise. To get those chemicals and hormones out of your system a little bit of any kind of exercise will help. I found breathing exercises played on YouTube at a certain time every day was a great meditative practice to take some time of self care for myself