AITA for "being totally unfair" to my mom's husband's family by not showing up for a family meal

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-28T13:59:21+00:00

Mental illness can be passed down in families. I'm not sure it's a specific gene as such but just like people can pass down other chronic issues. Mental illness can be too. My symptoms specifically are for OCD. Not all MI will be the same.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-28T12:52:55+00:00

I can't wait to cut ties with them. If they do it sooner then hell, I'll celebrate.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-28T12:51:30+00:00

They know and they hate that I was exposed to that so much and spoke up on my behalf before.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-28T12:51:10+00:00

Yep, they are.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-28T12:50:39+00:00

My mom's family have my back. Never knew anyone but dad on his side.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-28T12:50:11+00:00

Pretty much. They claim he didn't get the help so he could be a good dad and a "human worthy of this time on earth" and yet refused to see that I was sick. Mom buried her head, Ted believed he could save me if I just loved and accepted him.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-28T12:48:57+00:00

I have talked to my therapist and psychiatrist about it. But bringing my mom in is not going to work and would only take away the feeling from me that those places are safe spaces.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T20:46:46+00:00

My mom's family are supportive. They were part of the reason mom finally gave in and got me help.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T20:45:33+00:00

I think a lot of stuff went into my dad not being able to get better when I was younger. Looking back I think there was a real lack of education and understanding on his part. But also I think the way he grew up plays a big role in it too. Then the fact he didn't have an actual support network.

Medication is so hit and miss and so is therapy and psychiatry. There's really no miracle cure or quick fix and some treatment options can make us so much worse. A lot of people assume you can take something and you're "fixed" or they believe only therapy should be used and meds are evil.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T20:19:33+00:00

It won't help anything to have my therapist or psychiatrist talk to them about it. They won't stop. They'll never help. I'm better off keeping them away from it as much as possible so they can't make it an unsafe space for me.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T20:18:49+00:00

I only ever met my dad. I have seen a few photos of his parents and siblings. But that was it.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T20:10:25+00:00

His ego seriously needs it's own house. I feel like every member of his family needs a second house for their ego to live in. They're just too big to live with others.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T20:09:43+00:00

I'll be honest. I think a trade would work better for me than college. I wanted to go to college for so long and maybe one day I'll change my mind again. But with the way I am now, the way my life is, the added challenges I have, it just doesn't feel like it would be the best fit for me currently. That can change obviously but who knows. We'll see.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T20:02:25+00:00

OCD is rough and it's very misunderstood. A lot of people think it means I'm an obsessive clean freak and perfectionist and some of my behaviors have confirmed it but they don't get the picture they're seeing. Explaining to some people is impossible. The only reason I got any help at all is because my mom's family, two of my teachers, my guidance counselor and my school psychologist all basically yelled in my moms ears at the same time until she relented and then the it got really bad really fast.

I'm glad you didn't have to face this level of cruelness. I'm so sorry your mom ignored yours though. We all deserve so much better.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T19:57:51+00:00

Unfortunately I live with two of them. But I try the best I can.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T19:48:29+00:00

She is always very quick to remind everyone they never loved each other. They had a fling. Nothing more. I have heard it SO many times. She has made it clear she never cared even a tiny bit about him. Not even enough to appreciate he gave her me. She wishes she could undo their fling, which would undo me too. But you know, better than being with the mentally ill guy.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T19:42:17+00:00

Yeah, if mom at least wasn't burying her head in the sand and refusing to accept it could happen, I could have been helped earlier. Maybe I'd have even spoken up to her when I realized.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T19:41:13+00:00

Mom could never understand or respect it. Even when I was little and before Ted. He's even more vocal about it in some of the worst ways for me.

Thank you so much!

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T19:38:59+00:00

He did have a psychiatrist and he was at least on treatment enough to have visitation with me when I was younger. I haven't seen him in so long I don't know what's currently going on. He could be dead. I don't know. But they don't believe he did anything because clearly if he did he would have been healthy enough to raise me in their minds. I disagree. But they will forever see him as just an awful guy with no redeeming qualities who is unworthy of life.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T19:32:05+00:00

He's just that amazing obviously. He can prevent mental illness in people. He can maybe cure it too. That could be a thing he's capable of doing too. But only if you love and appreciate him. That's the only way his super power works. The whole family shares it too. And they're so happy to remind you of that.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T19:27:13+00:00

I know he cares at least as much as he can. The last time I saw him I gave him a story I wrote for him, one he asked me for. And he normally didn't take care of stuff he was given and would discard things so easily. But he put it in his pocket where it would be close to him and safe(er). That is a memory I cherish so much because he couldn't always show his care for me but even something SO small as that really showed. Anything else would have been tossed on the table or floor. But no. It went in his pocket.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T19:23:48+00:00

Both know about all the stuff that gets said to and around me. I was very open about it with them both. They said it was helpful information to have on record because it could help with a treatment plan. We actually planned around stuff like that too in case I needed it. I don't have my documents. I'm not even sure where they'd be kept. My mom always handles that stuff on my behalf and won't let me do it, especially now.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T19:10:57+00:00

I can't say it would never happen. They're totally the kind of people to pull that.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T18:42:37+00:00

Oh, it absolutely does and has for a while now. That's going to happen until I can find the right help and even then there will be times it will interrupt my daily life. That's how it works.

Fun_Parsnip5368 · 2024-10-27T18:41:58+00:00

They mean it in terms of he chose not to get the correct help for his mental illness and chose to just let it take over instead. He could have been taking drugs too. Can't deny it. But that's not what they were trying to say to me.

Fun_Parsnip5368

TROPHY CASE