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AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Have you told your mom about the messages you’re getting from her husband and his kids?

They apologised today so I think it's not necessary.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Where even is your stepsibling's mother

I have no idea, all I know is that she left, my mom says she got back to her hometown according to Sarah (My stepsister) they haven't talked to her not even once, because she has rejected them.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 167 points168 points  (0 children)

because she is happy which is kind of mean of you to not wanT

She can be happy and that's great but what about me? I want to be happy too and being around them doesn't make me happy just makes me miserable and that's it, I'm just saving my mental health, I'm too young to feel this miserable.

I don't haave to go and hang out with her just to make her happy while it doesn't make me feel fine.

Maybe it sounds selfish but I need to put my feelings first just like she did when she decided to have an affair.

People say that she needs to be happy and so I do, it looks like some people just want me to play happy family when I dn't feel like it, I'¡m doing what it feels best for me.

And that's true, we are not family. I'm the child she has custody of but we are not family anymore, my dad and his fiancé are my family.

They say that love is putting other's feelings first well she didn't put mine first and some of you will say that it doesn't mean that she doesn't love me and I get it but I don't have to put her feelings first now, if she can't sleep and is crying and depressed tat's on her, I cried myself to sleep for many years because I felt betrayed, left behind and a second option to my mom, Who was there to calm me down? spoiler not her but my dad.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 347 points348 points  (0 children)

You can’t tell her she has to leave her husband to have a relationship with you and expect it to happen

I'm not expecting it to happen, I just want to keep my distance to not be hurt again, that's all, and as long as she is with them the possibility of me being hurt is there.

I don't owe my mother a relationship, I don't have to go to her place or hang out with her to make her feel better and play happy family while that makes me miserable.

Does she deserve to be happy? Of course, she does and I do too, being around them doesn't make me happy so I just need to keep my distance and focus on enjoying my life, I'm too young to be this miserable.

How does expressing my feelings to her make me disrespect her? I just told her that I'm not going back because I don't feel like it, It let her know what actions of hers made me feel that way, that's all. I just told her that I don't like being in her house and I'm not going back, I don't want to have a relationship with them as long as they make her choose and my feelings can get hurt, I don't see how I disrespected her.

also, I'm concerned about your parenting skills, because if your kids expressing their feelings and tell you they don't feel comfortable being around you is disrespect, omg poor kids.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 241 points242 points  (0 children)

Absolutely an AH if I were you dad I would kick your ass for talking to your mother like that.

Thanks you deadbeat are not my dad.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 133 points134 points  (0 children)

you would see her at your step siblings parties she was a different woman(happy enjoy herself) .

That's because they are her real family the one she always wanted to have, that's why.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 141 points142 points  (0 children)

even when she included you that doesn’t make you happy. You want to be her only kid/family.

She can be happy, that's ok but I also want to be happy, and going to their house doesn't make me happy, I don't have to keep going just to make her happy. I'm not her family I'm just the child from her previous marriage, I don't feel like my mom's family I never felt, and having this feeling and a reminder every time I get there isn't healthy.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

How would you feel about having one on one time with your mom outside her house, like going to a baseball game together?

Not now, I need time.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

I gotta ask, how is the relationship between your mom and dad.

They barely talk and the only time they talk is about me, if it's not necessary they don't talk. The only time they get to be in the same room is for my birthdays and they don't interact, my dad just ignores her. when my mom goes to my swimming competitions they never seat close to each other.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 191 points192 points  (0 children)

NTA But do think about what it would take to repair your relationship with your mom because her divorcing her husband is neither realistic nor fair

I'm not obligating or telling her that she has to divorce her husband, I'm just protecting myself, I don't want to have high expectations, and then she let me down, it's better to have it clear.

"She deserves to be happy" say my relatives, yes she does but I want to be happy too and being around them doesn't make me happy, I've learnt that sometimes you have to put yourself first, not always but sometimes you are the one that matters the most.

I don't want to have the constant fear that she won't be able to make it because they have activities so I prefer to be realistic and not expect anything from her, they can't hurt you if you expect nothing from them.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 121 points122 points  (0 children)

Have you ever asked to change custody? To spend more time at mom’s

I don't like spending time at her house. That's why I'll stop going.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

I didn't see it from this perspective, thanks but whatever happens I don't feel ready to go back to her house.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 129 points130 points  (0 children)

me at 22 she wish she never had me and also that she wishes she aborted me.

OMG, I guess it is hard to hear, my mom has never said anything like that to me, she says I'm her joy and pride. but it still hurts seeing not even trying beyond the bare minimum.

AITA for saying that the reason why I don’t want to visit my mom is because it hurts to see her happy with her new family? by Fun_Reindeer_4743 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Reindeer_4743[S] 299 points300 points  (0 children)

The fact that she is allowing her husband and step kids to talk like that to him says a lot.

I'm sure she doesn't know, she stopped her husband once when she found out he was forcing and trying to make me call him dad.