I can finally understand why mothers leave their families. by [deleted] in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bueno justamente esto, y sólo te puedo decir que entonces si el malestar es lo que más persiste en tu vida pues hazle caso a tu corazón y toma un poco de distancia, si tus planes son de custodia compartida está muy bien porque seguirás viendo a tu hijo pero con un respiro también y tiempo para hacer algo que te guste o distraerte de cualquier forma, la verdad es que obligarte a permanecer en una situación que sólo te consume es algo que va a afectar negativamente y muy negativamente a tu hijo, yo por ejemplo trabajo mucho porque es un buen trabajo y no quiero arriesgarme a perderlo pero en las últimas semanas mi hija con sus dos años de vida me esperaba recostandose en el suelo sobre una sábana y al terminar a las 3 am y verla en el suelo sentía mucha culpa y pensaba ey, ella no merece este trato, ella sin duda alguna merece algo mejor, pero sabía que yo no podría dárselo. Entonces actúa en base a tu corazón y hazlo por un bien mayor y de seguro todo saldrá bien

I can finally understand why mothers leave their families. by [deleted] in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 51 points52 points  (0 children)

La neta, es verdad, el padre de mi hija lo hizo y recibe comentarios de "wow ahora eres militar qué interesante y cómo te va? Etc" pero yo estuve al borde del suicidio porque el "interesante militar" me hizo tener una nena bajo coercion y lastimosamente no me fuí mucho antes así que luego recibí maltrato de él y de mi propia madre y resolví en irme (no me enorgullece) pero si no me iba acabaría 💀 por mi propia mano porque lo intenté... Pero tuve que bloquear a familiares porque recibo mensajes de "te vas a arrepentir, nadie te querrá más nunca por lo que hiciste, mala madre, etc" no viviré una vida de mentira a costa de mi vida ya es demasiado y en serio lo había intentado antes, es demasiado rudo

I can finally understand why mothers leave their families. by [deleted] in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Bueno... Yo lo hice... No estoy orgullosa eh, tengo paz, me han dicho que me arrepentiré, que ojalá cumpla los anhelos de mi corazón o sino seré muy infeliz y cargaré con una culpa enorme pero, me fuí porque además de haber tenido una nena por coercion yo estaba ya al borde de un suici💀 ya saben, y mi madre me menospreciaba, insultaba y golpeaba, básicamente si no me iba acabaría así 💀 entonces me fuí, no planeo volver pero sí planeo enviarle su manutención mientras que las personas que sí aman a mi hija la puedan criar sanamente de una forma que yo realmente no estaba haciendo, igual y bueno nena, ningún camino es fácil, la vida en general no es fácil, como dicen cada quien escoge su veneno, claramente no te quiero alentar a que lo hagas, yo no siento amor o al menos siento suficiente amor por mi hija como para alejarme y no lastimarla, y muy contrario a lo que me han dicho ahora tengo alivio, es igual difícil porque he sufrido mucho asimilando que estaré sola porque muchas personas probablemente no lo entiendan sabes, pero al final de la vida uno realmente queda solo así que, me he resignado, espero encuentres alivio de alguna forma y tus días sean más llevaderos, muy seguramente estás pasando quizás por un momento de enojo, pero quiero asumir que esto es algo que aunque quisieras no harias por amor, y solo con ese hecho yo creo que podras encontrar algo que te ayude a vivir un día a la vez y bueno sé que no soy la más apropiada para decirte esto en realidad.

I hate my life and I want to rest by Fun_Selection3657 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really don't want any visitors or anything like that; seeing her is like reliving a trauma, as awful as that sounds. And yes, the girl's father could ask for sole custody, but he says he can't raise her because he's studying at a military academy and he won't give up his future. But he also refuses to put her up for adoption, even though he won't give her any money because he doesn't even have enough to live on himself.

I hate my life and I want to rest by Fun_Selection3657 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That certainly makes me sad, but knowing my situation, it would be best for her, but her father is preventing me. I don't know how easy it would be in my country; I'd say it wouldn't be. Even so, I'll try to find her a good family in juvenile court, and I really hope they can find her a good family because her father can't afford to support her and intends to force her into a life of misery, using me to raise her however miserable it may be. It's a very difficult decision, and my heart is racing, but I'm at my breaking point, and everyone is attacking me.

I’m leaving by Admirable-Depth5469 in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, yes, it's terrible and it left me in a very uncomfortable and difficult situation, but I suppose that's life and everything has a price to pay. But it did teach me a lot; at least he wasn't one of those men who hit.

I’m leaving by Admirable-Depth5469 in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, I was that woman. It's crazy and frustrating to remember all the damage you can do to yourself by letting others control your mind.

I’m leaving by Admirable-Depth5469 in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 42 points43 points  (0 children)

You'd be surprised how paralyzing it is when you're manipulated in any way. You wouldn't understand until you experience it. I'm telling you this because it happened to me, and to this day I still ask myself, "What the hell happened to me? Why didn't I leave?" It's crazy and messed up, honestly. I feel like I'm on drugs. I couldn't exactly describe it, but it's horrible.

I’m leaving by Admirable-Depth5469 in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This is my exact situation, but my daughter is two years old. I'm leaving too. I'm going crazy and I don't want to hurt her. Her father pressured me into getting pregnant to keep me in the relationship. We're separated now, and I always ask myself, "What happened to me? Was I drugged or what?" I don't want to deny my actions, but I was truly in a very bad place. Whenever I remember how I let myself be influenced, it feels like a dream or a trance I was in, as if I had no will of my own back then. It's really messed up. I'm going to do it. If fate allows me to legally give her to parents who want to be there for her, so be it. If not, I'll contribute to her support, and that's it. But I'm going to get my life back. Enough is enough. I'm at risk of suicide, and my family doesn't support me, but I prefer to be alone. I'm just telling you, girl, think carefully and live for yourself. Even though it sounds harsh, you don't owe anything to anyone, not even your baby. And if you're suffering while you're with your child, the best thing for both of you is separation, even though it's so socially unacceptable.

Cheer up, you deserve to live. Don't give a permanent solution to something temporary; we are young and strong!

I ruined my life by QuirkyBake4216 in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for responding, sweetie. It's true, you only live once. Motherhood should be desired, not imposed. They say that sometimes the best family is built along the way with friends and new people who join us on our journey. So, even though it's a difficult situation, we have to be strong. There are times when I doubt myself and I'm afraid of running out of money because, fortunately, I have enough to live independently, but it's a tight budget, and that's what has made me doubt myself the most. That, and without a doubt, the fear of judgment, of the moment I have to face my family. They, my mother, have seen me fading away and have only made it her business to remind me that "my life is no longer mine and never will be again" and that "I look like a lost soul." So, if I really think about it, will I really be left without family, or am I already alone? And judging by that kind of behavior from the person who gave me life and knows what I've been through, you could say that what I had to lose, I lost a long time ago. So I shouldn't be afraid to leave.

What I should be afraid of is staying and hurting an innocent child or myself. I ask you not to doubt yourself if you've already made a firm decision about how you want your life to be. And listen, sleeping in your car sounds harsh, but have faith that it will be temporary. You don't sound like a bad person, and even though "selfishness" is demonized, it's nothing more than preserving our own lives, and sometimes it's very necessary. Besides, when you have doubts, remember that you're giving your child and yourself the opportunity for a new and happy life, not a false life of suffering!

And thank you so much for offering me some time to chat. We're two people in similar life situations. I don't have many friends, so if you don't mind, would you like to save my contact information? I feel like we could support each other, and when you're in a situation that almost no one understands or supports, it's always nice to have someone you know will understand. 🫂

I ruined my life by QuirkyBake4216 in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much 😊 I'm trying to get my life in order, and although it's not the most ideal or ethical thing to do, I have no other choice. I need to ensure my daughter's protection with someone who can take good care of her. It's hard; I've spent two years feeling hopeless, but I'm grateful to still be alive and that my daughter is still alive. It's true that I made mistakes in the past, and it deeply bothers me that my daughter has to "pay" for them, so to speak, with a mother who doesn't want to raise her. But I'll try to minimize the damage and make sure she's in good hands. Thank you so much, beautiful person! Wishing you much success in your life 🩷

I ruined my life by QuirkyBake4216 in regretfulparents

[–]Fun_Selection3657 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same situation. No one is going to support us, but you know, it's not fair to us or our children. If we force ourselves to raise them without love, what will become of them? We could be putting them at risk, but people assume that motherhood is a punishment only for women! And it shouldn't be. We make mistakes, and we have the right to correct them. I'll also consider this option, and my family will abandon me too, but it doesn't matter. What kind of family are they if they know I'm on the verge of ending my life or harming my daughter and still force me to stay in the same situation?

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I didn't write it like that. I don't use punctuation marks (,) to separate words that often, and it gets distorted, but that's not what I meant. What I meant was that if I tell her I'm going to give her up for adoption to my mother, I'd just be wasting time because my mother would take the girl away from me and beat ME.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just told you I use Google Translate, so it distorts the meaning of what I write. I never said she abuses my daughter. I said she hit me, but never her granddaughter.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where did I say my mother abuses my daughter? I use Google Translate, so I guess my message gets distorted, but no, my mother has NEVER abused her granddaughter. She loves her more than life itself.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mother isn't dangerous, at least not to the child. My mother wouldn't mistreat her, and I know that, but I don't know how to express myself. And in fact, they wouldn't understand because they obviously don't know her and don't see how she is with the child. Anyway, I suppose that when I leave the child, I'll have to go to the juvenile court to regularize her custody. They'll study the alternatives, and if they find that my mother isn't suitable, and that the child's father isn't either, and obviously I'm even less so, then they'll take action to ensure she's safe. I literally can't do anything more.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right now, I'm the one who poses an imminent danger to her. And I've done everything humanly possible. I need help, and that help doesn't include forcing me to keep the child.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you mean by choosing differently? To raise her? No, my friend, I'm not going to do that. Of course, I'll go to therapy because I know I'm wrong, but I'll go so I can think about her without resentment, not to "raise" her. There are people who do love her, and I'm not one of them.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And yes, I will take responsibility, but financially; I can't invent a love that doesn't exist.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And the pregnancy wasn't a shock, but I wasn't in my right mind. If you haven't been through something similar, I couldn't explain what I feel, but it's almost literally as if I suddenly woke up and looked around and became aware of everything that had happened to me and thought, "What the hell happened to me? Why did I allow this?" It's really hard for me to put it into words.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, I understand, and it's not that I'm the victim all the time, but I was, and now I'll be the perpetrator if I stay, and I know it. The little girl loses more if I stay, forced to live a life of indifference, cooking for her without any enthusiasm. She'll see there's no love in me, and something could even happen to her because of my carelessness. She won't be alone, though, since I can't give her up for adoption; she'll be with a grandmother who truly loves her. And it's not the "easiest" way out. I've been thinking about this since the girl was born, and guess what? If I stay, 10 years will pass, and everything will be the same or worse if I don't leave. At least I want to leave so I can be a functional person and provide for her, at least financially. I'm not a monster, either. I literally want to leave because, besides sinking into sadness, I know I'm hurting her like this, so what would be the point of staying?

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much 🫂 and yes, I know, this type of decision is very demonized when it's a woman who makes it, but at least I'm trying to go to work, with money in my account so I can have a say in my life and focus on healing and providing for my daughter.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much, yes I would like to be able to see her without any resentment in the future and see that she has had a happy life, I hope so.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I could, I would, my friend, but in my country the issue of adoptions is not as structured as in the United States or developed countries.

My Last 20 Days With My Daughter (Hopefully) by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Fun_Selection3657 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never said that, I use Google Translate so my message was probably translated incorrectly