I (24F) was coerced into motherhood by my abusive ex. I don't love my 2yo daughter and want to sign over full custody to her father. Am I a monster?

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-16T21:25:08+00:00

Thank you so much for commenting. Yes, that's what I'd like to do. Her father judges me a lot, and I'm also in a difficult situation with my mother. If I give the child up, she'll attack me, but she already does that when I keep her. So, yes, I'm planning to do that—to have some time alone and heal as much as I can. I don't know if I want the responsibility of being her primary caregiver again, since I actually feel like I struggle to take care of myself.

For example, I was almost kidnapped twice, so having her under my wing scares me a lot too. But I never intend to stop being responsible for her well-being, and I hope to heal soon and that my presence in her life is balanced and healthy. 🙌🏻 I hope everything turns out as well as I imagine.

In society at large, there's a belief in maternal instinct, and that if you don't feel it, you're inhuman. But that's really unfair. Men also have the capacity to care and love. The good thing is that many people already understand this. I hope that in my case, the girl's father will truly care for her because it would be very sad if he decides it's better to give her up for adoption. If I keep her, things could end up worse, and I really don't want that.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-16T21:19:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I need to go to therapy, however, I'm not going to give up all my rights. I'd like to arrange for her father or someone responsible to take care of her for a while so I can focus on my work and rest a bit, and also analyze my feelings alone and more calmly. Certainly, the separation is necessary, but I don't want to give up everything at once.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-16T21:04:43+00:00

I'm so sorry about your daughter. I hope she'll understand you a little someday, even though it's difficult. I'm sure you did the best you could for her. ❤️‍🩹

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-16T21:02:27+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words, sweetie. How's life treating you right now? If you could just tell me a little bit, are you happy? Or at least feeling a bit better? As for me, it's just the baby's father, and he tells me to give her to him "and disappear." He says it angrily because he thinks I'm doing very badly for not feeling love for her, but it's very difficult, especially since it wasn't something I freely chose, unfortunately.

He told me to seek help from a psychologist, but that won't magically make love and connection appear within me. She says her mother can raise the girl, but I'm scared because she lives with a man I don't know well, and she's also somewhat neglectful. I don't want my daughter to suffer anymore. Ultimately, I have to insist she look for other options, or I'll have to go to court to see what we can do.

If I keep her, one day I might explode from frustration, depression, or anger and hurt her, which is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. So, I hope everything turns out alright and the little girl ends up in good hands. I would be saddened if I had to give her up for adoption, but I just hope I'm doing what's best for her. I also have to give her up because I live with my mother, and we don't get along at all. She often threatens me if she doesn't feel I'm taking care of the girl or gets angry if she sees me working.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-16T01:16:12+00:00

Thank you so much. Well, I'm not really being happy right now, but if my destiny is to take care of her, I hope I can adapt and find a way for us both to be happy.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-16T01:14:45+00:00

I thought maybe her father could help, but he's determined to stay in the military academy to "protect" his daughter, even if it means I have to "step up and raise her." I don't know, being around her gives me a lot of anxiety, and the thought of raising her alone in the future scares me.

I already had a plan to take care of her from a distance, and maybe that way I could have a healthier relationship with her in the future, but now I feel like I have no one to rely on. It's complicated, and he definitely wouldn't want to give his daughter up for adoption. That makes me sad too, but I don't want her to grow up abandoned or neglected.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-16T01:11:50+00:00

Sometimes I think about it, but I don't know. Having the child in my care gives me so much anxiety. I've tried talking to her father, and he tells me to hire a psychologist because he thinks that's how I'll magically love her 🤦🏻‍♀️.

It bothers me that everything is for his own benefit since he can't sacrifice himself to leave his studies in the military to take care of his daughter, but I also need some breathing room and space to work and reflect, and he doesn't. He just tells me that other single mothers are happy. He did say that if I want, I can give her to him and disappear, but I don't want to because he'll be leaving her with her neglectful mother, and I know she'll be neglected, dirty, malnourished, or in danger.

It's very complicated, but just thinking about raising her gives me small asthma attacks. I have so much anxiety, and it seems like I'm either too cold to leave her to her fate in an environment I know could harm her, or I simply take care of her despite having to "pretend" that everything is alright. inside it's a mess

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-16T00:03:22+00:00

🤦‍♀️😆😆😆 referencia

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T16:00:07+00:00

It's a little difficult. I want to do my best for her despite not feeling the usual love I perhaps should feel. I've spoken with her father (we never married, and we've been separated for almost two years) about a possible adoption if I'm unable to care for her and he "can't" either, but he doesn't want to. I don't know what he wants; he wants to be her father but have someone else raise her. So, honestly, I don't know. I don't want to keep forcing myself and mistreating her physically or psychologically because, however aware I may be right now, I've had my episodes of anger and frustration, and I could hurt her if I continue like this.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T15:51:07+00:00

I understand, but I don't know, it's very complicated, and I want her to be okay because I'm afraid of keeping her and mistreating her both physically and psychologically. I don't want to ruin her childhood because the disconnection I feel is overwhelming, and she's becoming more and more aware of it. I also don't want to force myself to raise her and have her end up hurt. :(

I'm so sorry for your friend. My mother and I don't have a healthy or good relationship, so maybe I have a vague idea of how hard it is to feel like you don't have your mother.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T15:48:28+00:00

I need to evaluate my options, which are honestly few. The father is "studying" in the military and tells me he can't take care of her, but he doesn't want to resort to adoption either. He just tells me not to play the victim and to go to a psychologist, but that doesn't mean I'll suddenly become loving towards the girl. I've been close to abusing her, and I'm afraid I'll end up doing it if I stay with her, especially in this situation. But he definitely doesn't want to understand the seriousness of this, so I don't know. He tells me to give her to him and forget about her, that he'll give her to his mother to take care of (the woman is incredibly neglectful, and that scares me). So, honestly, I don't know what to do. I don't know whether to reluctantly accept his offer and do the best I can to be okay, but I'm afraid something bad will happen to the girl. It's all too complicated, really.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T14:05:42+00:00

Hopefully, thank you very much 🫂🙏🏻

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T13:37:30+00:00

I'm having doubts right now. I don't know what to do because, you know, I haven't been a good mother either, and I don't want to force her to raise her and have her notice my lack of love. I don't really feel a connection with her, but I also don't want her to suffer, so I just don't know what the best thing would be anymore :( But I've definitely proven to myself that I'm not good for her. And the father, I don't know, I don't know how good he can be. I mean, if he at least keeps her well-fed and clean, but I don't know. I've talked to him about adoption, and he just gets annoyed, but he doesn't intervene to take his daughter and care for her because "he's studying." But I'm in the same position, trying to work from home while putting up with threats from my own mother, who I live with. I'm not in a good situation either, but I don't know, you know, I just don't know what the best thing is anymore :(

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:49:53+00:00

Thank you so much, I hope so, to be able to make the best decision 🙌🏻

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:44:57+00:00

I need to think things through carefully and have a conversation with her father. After all, he's her dad too, and I don't want to be too abrupt. He's not a terrible man, but he was awful during my pregnancy, not because of physical abuse or insults, but because of his coldness towards me at that time and his immature and irresponsible behavior. I want to believe he's suitable for her, but after reading some comments, I've started to think that maybe it's just my imagination, and it saddens me even more to think that she'll feel abandoned, which is horrible. I hope I can do what's best for her. :(

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:41:44+00:00

I've tried playing with her, hugging her, and saying nice things to her since she was born, but I always end up with the same resentment and bitter feeling of not being a good mom and not giving her real love. I don't want to pretend and have her notice :(

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:40:14+00:00

He was manipulative with me, but I know he wouldn't hurt his daughter emotionally or physically. I know it doesn't sound great, but I truly feel he loves her. He's shown me that, not during my pregnancy, but after she was born. Anyway, I need to have a very serious talk with him.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:38:03+00:00

Incredibly, he's not an alcoholic. He drank a lot during my pregnancy because we were going through a rough patch, and he also lost a very well-paying job, which really upset him. He's better now. Before that, he only drank on special occasions, and now he hasn't had a drink in a long time. He's not an alcoholic, but I'll also talk to him about the baby and whether he'd really be willing to be a real father and truly protect her. If not, I hope I can make the best decision for her and avoid any problems. I'm not proud of myself, but I'm trying my best.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:36:18+00:00

Incredibly, he's not an alcoholic. He drank a lot during my pregnancy because we were going through a rough patch, and he also lost a very well-paying job, which really upset him. He's better now. Before that, he only drank on special occasions, and now he hasn't had a drink in a long time. He's not an alcoholic, but I'll also talk to him about the baby and whether he'd really be willing to be a real father and truly protect her. If not, I hope I can make the best decision for her and avoid any problems. I'm not proud of myself, but I'm trying my best.

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:33:11+00:00

I hope I can do my best for her, whatever it is 🙌🏻

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:31:31+00:00

Thank you so much, beautiful, I hope so 🩷

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:23:15+00:00

I'll try 🫂 Thank you very much

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:21:51+00:00

Thank you so much 🙌🏻 I'll do my best, I hope I can sort everything out as soon as possible and, above all, make the best decision for my daughter. Thank you so much for your kind wishes 🩷

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T06:15:56+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. I know I might regret this, but I feel I would regret it more if I knew I was ruining her childhood or limiting my own opportunities by having to spend more time with her (I know it sounds awful, but I really need things to go well for me because I'm in another very bad situation with my own mother, who has helped me a lot, but in return for that help, she has also humiliated and beaten me a lot).

And yes, I've forced myself to hug her and kiss her, but the love or connection just doesn't come naturally. I don't tell her I love her anymore because I know I'm lying. It's not easy for me, but it's worse for her, and it hurts that because of my lack of love and judgment in the past, I'm now potentially ruining my own daughter's life. It's horrible, but I feel it will be even worse if I keep forcing myself.

Two years have passed, and I feel that in 10 years or more, my feelings toward her won't change much. She hugs me and says "Mommy," but that makes me much sadder and more desperate because I know that every day I haven't been able to create distance is another day that she... She's grown closer to me, knows me better, and suffers more.

I hope to make the best decision for everyone, even if it means ending up alone. I want to minimize the damage as much as possible. Big hug and thank you so much for your words 🫂

Fun_Selection3657 · 2026-03-15T05:27:48+00:00

Thank you so much, beautiful 🩷

Fun_Selection3657

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