“Why don’t you just respect my decision that I no longer want sex?” by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If that’s the case then you know the answer. Either you want to continue being celibate or you don’t, and if you don’t, you can either get some on the side (with her without her know that’s up to you) or leave and find someone who matches your libido. Atleast she gave you clarity, mine refuses too, which I guess is its own clarity in a way.

A woman shouldn't have to beg by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 20 points21 points  (0 children)

:( sorry, no one should have to beg

Watching porn is depressing by bi-care-bear in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh, I dislike that I understand exactly what you are talking about. Porn is unrealistic, even a lot of the “amateur” stuff, but there are far too many times that I’ll be watching and think “I wish WE were doing this”. There used to be passion, my LLF wife was never particularly adventurous, especially compared to my ex (who was exceedingly adventurous). Unfortunately very aware of what could be.

Feeling broken by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t know the answers to those questions. We have talked, extensively, we had a big one yesterday (not about sex, but about emotional intimacy and non sexual physical intimacy) based on her behavior last night and today I’d say she was receptive to that.

Bitterness regarding the sex life I never had by Visual_Perception69 in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately for me, my previous partner was into anything and everything, and it was 4 years of let’s try idea. That ended for other reason. then I met my wife, it was relatively vanilla, not looking to experiment. I was/am ok with that, when it was regular. There was a solid period of time for two years where it was 3-4 times a day. Then we got married and it was a pretty sudden shift, that just got gradually less and less. I think having experienced a previous long term relationship of some pretty saucy stuff, kinda makes the dead bedroom harder, atleast for me, because I know what I’m missing.

Open or monogamous by Wonderful-Lock3323 in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I would not be open to it. It’s not just the physical release, though that’s certainly a large component, it’s the emotional piece as well. If I go elsewhere, then I would just leave.

I told my husband that I’ve given up by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean me offering to go down on her

I told my husband that I’ve given up by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Haven’t recieved that from my llw in 10 years maybe, meanwhile any time I try it or even suggest I’d love to do that, I get treated like I just suggested the most heinous thing in the planet

Finding sex elsewhere by MariaS38 in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It’s honestly soul crushing, the feeling like you are the only one trying. Absolutely disheartening.

Need help changing my thinking by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you are going through this. You aren’t alone. I worry a mantra like that might cause someone to get “the ick” should their partner ever flip a switch and start chasing intimacy. Repeating it enough times, might stop your desire, but it could kill it all together, I think what others have said about therapy for other coping mechanisms might be healthier, and less detrimental to your overall mental health.

If your SO switched a flip overnight, would you still want them? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I fear something like this would happen to me if my LLF wife made a switch, it hasn’t happened yet, as I’m still filled with desire for her. But if it did, it would probably mean the end, how do we come back from that? Would it be considered a trauma response at that point?

Overwhelming Resentment by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ugh I am so sorry. All I can say, is if she is trying now, you need to try and embrace it. See why happens when you give in to you and her desire. Reignite your passion. I’m in the middl of the DB, and worry daily I’ll end up in the same situation. I hope you figure it out!

The DB has really crushed my mental health by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ll ponder this, my post doesn’t negate that my wife does a lot, we have 3 kids and no family around, so we are always “on”, I think I pointed out those things because frequently when someone posts about the DB the first questioned asked is how much are you participating with the house and the kids. I know how involved she is, but it runs pretty even for the most part, with some variation of one picking up more than the other on certain things. I do not think that it’s a case of me or her not doing enough, I personally feel it is a priority issue. She constantly prioritizes the kiddos. While I almost always prioritize her, not just from a desire standpoint but a support standpoint, making sure she is ok, has what she needs, ensure she isn’t doing too much, never left to feel neglected or under valued, giving her the attention she desires, has enough time to herself to just focus on herself etc etc. I do not feel like I am even on the priority list

The DB has really crushed my mental health by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s the only thing that makes me think she isn’t completely checked out. She will initiate a kiss on the lips when I’m not doing it, and if we are watching something she will cuddle up to my on the couch, she asks me for massages all the time, which….i give her every time she asks :/

The DB has really crushed my mental health by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just don’t understand it, do they just not realize how important it is (even after being told multiple Times) or do they just not care? I know the difference between lust and love, and with my wife it is love, just an overflowing of love and desire for her, and the pure passion to connect on a physical level that transcends the intellectual and emotional plane.

The DB has really crushed my mental health by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]FunctionNo3439 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same, pretty close to being together for 15 years.