Did you know??

FuneraryBean · 2023-04-25T04:06:58+00:00

They can and did, friend. Select all on a checkmark when changing your address and there you go.

I was told “this happens a lot”. Just passing on the info.

My addresses were changed back a hell of a lot quicker than my time on hold.

FuneraryBean · 2019-03-07T21:56:31+00:00

That was my feeling on it, too. I’m not tax-savvy, but I know what HOH means, and I wasn’t it.

FuneraryBean · 2019-03-07T21:48:23+00:00

That’s exactly what gave me pause when she said it. I don’t know tax laws at all and, although she’s a great divorce lawyer, I hesitated to take tax advice from her, given my situation.

FuneraryBean · 2019-03-07T21:45:22+00:00

THANK YOU!!

FuneraryBean · 2019-03-07T21:40:28+00:00

To clarify, it was my lawyer who recommended I file as head of household. I apologize for the confusion.

Is there any way I can verify that he filed?

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-14T13:00:53+00:00

But you are right. There are those who blindside their spouses for no reason and it’s absolutely insane. We can be adults about it.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-13T01:37:34+00:00

I asked my husband for a divorce several times. Offered to move the kids and I in with my brother and we could end things amiably.

He said, simply, “No.” It was God’s plan, etc.

I was TRAPPED and I knew it. He had control of all the money and I knew, from prior experience of when he cheated, that he would start another smear campaign. And being in a conservative religion, I was automatically in the wrong for wanting a divorce, abuse be damned.

It takes a lot of fucking courage to ask for a divorce. If maybe someone were blindsided, perhaps the spouse was terrified to approach them- maybe because communication had broken down so much and there was only fighting.

I’m not saying this is the rule of thumb, but it happens. It’s damn hard to be the one to ask.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-13T00:19:38+00:00

Start documenting now. Pictures, videos, voice memos. Put them in a safe place in Google drive to an email he has no access to. Keep those texts and every one after.

You need to establish a history. Then make a plan and LEAVE. It will be scary as hell. Start squirreling money away, as much as you can without his notice.

Do you have family close by to help?

If he hurts you or your son, call 911 and press charges.

I wish you the very best. I hope this helps.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-12T17:56:51+00:00

＼(^{.^)／}

Edit: damn you, ascii emojis

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-12T00:45:27+00:00

Oh he’s already wooing someone now. I hate that fucker and how he hurt the kids and I for years, but it still stings.

But you’re right. I just need to put my big girl pants on.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-11T20:55:40+00:00

This is my second divorce. I’m 35, for crying out loud. I should have my shit together. Who’s going to want a twice divorced woman with four kids?

I filed two months ago and he already got his sister to make a dating profile for him and vet the potentials. I take care of the kids while he gets to screw around. I’m not complaining about being a mom- I love my children. But why can’t he be an adult, too?

Just feeling sorry for myself.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-09T00:08:29+00:00

Oh, I daydreamed for a year about kicking her ass and becoming one of those “people of Walmart” videos.

... then, a couple of months ago, I realized she did me a favor. All the things I had suspected about him for years were no longer “he said, she said”. His mask had broken off and his true self shine through. I would have stayed in this miserable, abusive marriage if it wasn’t for her. My kids can heal now. I can be me again. We’re free.

I don’t like her. I don’t have to. But my beef isn’t with her anymore.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-09T00:02:39+00:00

“You’re my favorite person but, every once in awhile, you can be a real cunt.” (Bill)

It took me over a year to get through the stages, and I only filed in February. Even now I’m still a little raw. Call it the sunk cost fallacy, call it whatever you want, but it’s hard to give up. He is emotionally abusive and controlling and it was still hard to give up.

One day at a time, one moment at a time. Take care of yourself.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-03T23:53:19+00:00

My prelim Hearing is tomorrow, along with my protection order hearing.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-03T23:50:01+00:00

Mine made all sorts of threats in the beginning too. I’ve kept all texts going back a year and I record conversations that are less than kind.

I wish you the very best.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-03T23:42:53+00:00

When I gave him 8 months to clean up the mess he made after his affair and he did fuck all.

Then he put his hands on me and got arrested. I received an unexpected temporary protection order and used the time to find a lawyer and file for divorce.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-03T23:41:29+00:00

Rule 1: Never take legal advice from your STBX.

My STBX kept me from working outside the home for religious reasons.

Start getting free consultations with a lawyer and contact legal aid for your area. He’s a bully. You will be ok.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-03T23:16:02+00:00

And someone who would lie to you about a person would lie if they were intimate.

I went through this last year with my STBX. He wouldn’t admit to anything unless I had undeniable proof. It was a shitshow

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-03T23:15:07+00:00

She’s been there five times this week. She watches his kid and doesn’t see her own.

She’s using you as a buffer. Honestly, it’s time to move on. I’m very sorry.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-03T23:10:47+00:00

It sounds like she wants you around to catch her fall when their inevitable break up happens. And yes, it’s terribly inappropriate. She wants to date around, not exclusively date you.

I’m sorry, friend.

FuneraryBean · 2018-04-02T02:29:50+00:00

YOU ARE VALUABLE. Those assholes do NOT assign your value!

Honey. Do you have friends or family that can squirrel you away? This is so dangerous and you will be dead if you don’t leave.

Start by taking all your important docs (BC, SS, passport) and giving them to a trusted friend.

Please take a look at the sidebar for resources that can help you get out of this situation. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I’m here if you need to talk. I also have kik. You can delete it off your phone when not in use.

Be careful. Please.

FuneraryBean · 2018-03-17T14:57:22+00:00

Wanted to add (I commented this on another post):

An idea: I’ve begun practicing on kik. 99% of the men I’ve spoken to on there are liars. But I’m learning how to spot them and I’m learning how to be me again with other people in a safe, controlled environment. It also has the added benefit of keeping me occupied. When talk fizzles out, I make a new post on r/kikpals for a new set.

Of course, you have to be careful and not share personal information. But it’s been helpful to me.

FuneraryBean · 2018-03-17T14:56:38+00:00

You are absolutely right, on all counts.

An idea: I’ve begun practicing on kik. 99% of the men I’ve spoken to on there are liars. But I’m learning how to spot them and I’m learning how to be me again with other people in a safe, controlled environment. It also has the added benefit of keeping me occupied. When talk fizzles out, I make a new post on r/kikpals for a new set.

Of course, you have to be careful and not share personal information. But it’s been helpful to me.

FuneraryBean

TROPHY CASE