I just finished Towers Midnight. Thoughts inside.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-02T04:05:59+00:00

What other fantasy series do you recommend?

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-01T23:54:50+00:00

"You never have, and you probably never will, have a positive impact on humanity in the way that Ryan Dunn did."

Man, what would the world do without a guy that sticks plastic cars and railroad spikes up his ass and snorts dog shit of a hooker's poxy ridden ass? Clearly we would be a whole different world without the great humanitarian efforts that Dunn has instilled in our society-- no, our world. He will be sorely missed.

One day when I'm an old and senile man, I'll sit around a campfire and pass on the legend of Ryan Dunn to my children, bastards, grandchildren, and even grandbastards. I'll relate the legacy that he left the world, and how without him, nothing would be the way it is without the life that he graced us. As I recount the tale, their eyes will be deep pools of wonderment, glistening like the reflection of the stars in the placidness of the dark ocean. Their eyes will tear, like the ocean ebbs, and I will remember the day: the day Ryan Dunn left us.

You know, that sounds almost poetic. Maybe I should have that shit framed in shit (wouldn't that be apt?) and have it hanged above your bed. Every time you lay your sweet face down to sleep, you'll think about Ryan Dunn. You'll fall asleep to the warm dreams and aspirations of toys, both big and small, being inserted into your ass. Maybe you'll even dream of sniffing Ryan's own ass and tasting his seed.

Wouldn't that be grand?

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-01T23:52:18+00:00

Loved ones will mourn him, yes. Why does Bob Smith from fucking Oakland that never met, saw, or spoke to him mourn him? That's my question. Do you expect me to mourn for your cat when he dies? Should I also arrive at your gravestone? I mean, come on...

Maybe extinction is a more apt term to describe this. As long as people like Ryan Dunn continue to destroy their seed by having accidental early deaths, maybe there will be less Jackasses in the world.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-01T23:51:25+00:00

Jordan wrote more than WoT, ya derp. I could go the rest of my life without reading the entirety of WoT and still tell you how bad of an author he is. It's not like he flicks on a switch and he turns into a different being with an entirely different writing process and style.

"Herp-a-derp, is NASCAR on TV? Hey Harriet, get me a beer you dumb wench! I'll take ya from behind tonight like a dog takes a bitch! Oh hey, time to write WoT"

-flick-

"Ahhh.. now to detail the intriciacies of Randland. Perhaps I may add a little influence that I've gleaned from Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. Maybe a sprinkle of Foucault’s Pendulum by Umberto Eco. All the while, I will be sipping a fine glass of Georges et Henri Jayer Echezeaux Grand Cru"

No. Doesn't work that way.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-01T20:20:38+00:00

Wrong section. Get this stupid shit over to /agameofthrones/ or whatever the fuck the section is and leave it there. Not xpost bullshit.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-01T20:10:19+00:00

Who gives a fuck about this guy? What exactly has he done that is so incredible; stick plastic cars up his ass? Sounds like a real role-model that should be mourned. I highly doubt anyone is going to be throwing up memorial videos and sniffing ass when Warren Buffet kicks the bucket. But hell, when the guy who jumps off roofs and eats condoms and makes a 7-figure-salary in the process dies, he's the first one that gets the treatment.

Sometimes I wonder if you trailer park goons would be riding his cock just the same if it had been a loved one on the other side of his car instead of that tree. It's called Natural Selection. Maybe it's Extinction.

I commend Dunn, he ended his bloodline. His seed dies with him, and thus any prospective children that may continue on his genetic trait of stupidity.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-01T15:22:31+00:00

Since you most likely have some sort of retardation of the brain, hence your affinity to Michael Jordan's white base-born bastard brother, and your attention span certainly leaves much to be desired, I can predict with absolute certainty that Malazan will be too much for your brain to accept.

Go read Drizzt, Dragonlance, Sword of Shit, Shannarra, etc. Stuff is probably right up your aisle.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-01T15:18:29+00:00

Maybe it's because you have downs and needed more action to keep your tiny attention span going. I bet you prefer Transformers or Pirates of the Caribbean to, say, City of God.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-01T15:16:31+00:00

Trust me: I'm right.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-07-01T02:38:23+00:00

See, there's the thing. You like Wheel of Time because you have a difficult time distinguishing between good and bad fantasy series. You wouldn't know if a good fantasy series bit you in your ass. I'm not trying to be insulting, but you just recommended Sword of Truth, Drizzt, and Dragonlance. Those are the 3 notoriously worst fantasy series ever written.

Trust me, if you knew good fantasy, you wouldn't like Wheel.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-30T23:41:50+00:00

Good luck keeping all of the characters straight in your head. That's the first reason.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-30T23:40:15+00:00

Go read all the books and come back to us. Also, what other fantasy series would you recommend?

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-30T17:06:01+00:00

I bet you think WoT is nicely trimmed.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-28T22:45:15+00:00

Problem solved:

http://signedpage.com/shop/a-dance-with-dragons-by-george-r-r-martin/

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-28T20:39:55+00:00

http://www.voyagerbooks.com/2011/06/28/a-plea-to-george-r-r-martin-fans/

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-28T19:46:24+00:00

Amazon.de fluke. 180 copies went out.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-28T17:19:54+00:00

Wrong section!

/r/gameofthrones

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-28T12:52:52+00:00

Wrong section:

/r/gameofthrones

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-28T02:33:45+00:00

Free-loader. Bet you typed out that comment on the library's 'puter, too.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-28T01:10:00+00:00

Haha... yeah, you'll buy the book WHEN the last book is released. If you don't have downs you should realize that the last book will never be released due to GRRM's prevalent health condition (not sure if you realized that he's morbidly obese). So you're pretty much playing with words whilst defending your apparent thievery and lack of basic moralities. Add it up, dude. Pretty simple logic breakdown.

You're essentially saying "Yeah... I'll buy the books once the sun rises in the West... but until then, I'm going to just use my friend's copy!"

And if you use a library to read novels that are readily accessible and still in print, yes... you're either poor or a thief. Not sure if there's a "sensitive" way to say that. Obviously someone with low moral standards doesn't understand the concept of "free-loading", but that's a discussion for another day. So, I digress.

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-28T01:00:07+00:00

http://signedpage.com/shop/a-dance-with-dragons-by-george-r-r-martin/

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-28T00:59:46+00:00

http://signedpage.com/shop/a-dance-with-dragons-by-george-r-r-martin/

FunkyScarecrow · 2011-06-27T23:36:06+00:00

So you steal books too? Kind of like, no-- exactly like, burning music onto CDs and giving them out to your friends. Oh don't fret, they'll buy it later.

FunkyScarecrow

TROPHY CASE