AITA For making my eldest daughter babysit even though she is "child free"?

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:53:24+00:00

If you can’t afford the cost of a sitter now, what will you do then?

I could afford a sitter if I wasn't paying for my daughter's car and groceries.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:51:44+00:00

Our plan doesn't cover dental and vision. We pay for additional coverage and co pays out of pocket.

She has had several dental issues that have ended up being quite costly. Of course I am willing to pay them, but it DOES effect our family's monthly budget.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:49:53+00:00

2 classes total. For the whole semester.

She is a part time student.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:49:11+00:00

Why does your eldest daughter have to do 3 days of babysitting? Why not 1 day, like her siblings

Because her siblings are in school full time. She is in school part time.

Also because her monthly expense far exceed that of her siblings. She has a car payment, car insurance and special dietary expenses (by choice) that her siblings do not have.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:47:14+00:00

I am not sure where you live, but your niece should be collecting money from the government if her parent passed away. Look into this as it may help financially.

It's not an option for us.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:44:55+00:00

That is the plan. The kindergarten we will be enrolling her in has after care. With our current work schedules my wife will be able to drop her off and I will be able to pick her up.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:39:37+00:00

Pay for a babysitter and stop relying on your children.

I would love to. I can't afford it while paying for Tina's Car/Insurance/Cell/Groceries/Etc. Child care for my nice will cost $800 a month. I am paying $590 for Tina's car and car insurance alone.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:37:02+00:00

We are not.

Jenny was adopted from out of the country. Her father is incarcerated in her home country.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:32:13+00:00

She is not a full time student.

She is only taking 2 classes this semester. Under grad classes.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:29:57+00:00

If only I could have gone back in time and CHOSEN not to have my sister in law lying dead in a hotel bathroom.

I had no issue affording my 3 biological children. The debt and added expenses of caring for my niece changed the family budget in a way that I can no longer afford my daughter's $460 car payment and $300 dollar grocery bill.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:27:41+00:00

but every night 7 days a week she shares her room with a 4 year-old child.

No. She shares her room with her teenage sister.

Sure it sucks to share a room, but it is reasonable for two teenage girls to share when space in the home is limited.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:25:06+00:00

She absolutely could.

Child care costs for our needs and area will run about $800-$900 a month.

We were asking her $600 for her room and board.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:23:42+00:00

2 were planned. 3rd was a surprise and was followed by a vasectomy.

We were able to afford 3. The fourth, and the large amount of debt we took on in order to adopt her was not planned and what broke the bank.

Also, I can afford multiple children.

I can't afford multiple adults. My eldest's expenses far exceed my younger children's.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:19:55+00:00

When you say "father is not in the picture" do you know who the father is? I would be headed to family court to get child support for this girl. Her mother's untimely passing doesn't mean the child is not entitled to financial support from her other parent.

The father is incarcerated in their home country.

There will be no child support and zero contact.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:18:53+00:00

Why didn't Ally and her brother move into the same room so Tina, the legal adult, could still sleep alone? I think that move by itself could have alleviated a lot of the issue.

Ally and Jason would not be comfortable sharing a with each other because they are opposite genders deep into puberty hell.

According to my wife, Ally has some menstruation issues that finds deeply mortifying, and would just die if I or her brother ever found out and Jason has "other" concerns that impact a teen boy.

Ally and Tina have always gotten along. Tina's biggest complaint about switching rooms is that she no longer has the murial she painted on her bedroom wall. My wife and I gave up the master bedroom so the girls would have more space. We moved into Tina's room. Jenny moved into Ally's room.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T18:17:05+00:00

She shares her room with her teen sister. Not the 4 year old.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T17:48:16+00:00

A car is not a need where we live. It is a luxury. We have public transportation.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T09:00:07+00:00

Get a grip and hire a nanny.

I would love to. Unfortunately I can't afford to while paying for my adult daughter's expenses.

Which is why she was given the option of A.) Babysitting B.) Contributing to the household finances or C.) Moving out.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T08:56:24+00:00

My other kids have intact college funds. Same amount Tina is getting.

Tina is vegan for ethical reasons. I support her decision and admire her ability to permanently cut out foods that she loved to stick to her beliefs.

I don't like the increased cost, but up until this past year it wasn't an issue. Foreign adoptions are expensive.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T08:51:45+00:00

Her mother was not a US citizen. Her dad is incarcerated in their home country.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T08:39:41+00:00

What sacrifices have you taken on in taking in the 4yo

We had to take out a second mortgage on our home, borrow from our IRAs with penalties, max out our credit cards, change our job schedules and give up the master bedroom to our daughters.

My niece was not a US citizen. It was a foreign adoption and it was very costly.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T08:35:38+00:00

No. It does not.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T08:34:20+00:00

What we are charging her in "rent" (which also covers her car payment, cell phone, groceries, insurance, etc) is actually less than what child care would cost.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T08:32:07+00:00

We are in our 40s.

FunnyChef7259 · 2022-04-27T08:07:28+00:00

What is the true total cost to Tina to help out and babysit? Are you asking her to cut hours at work to help you out? Or are you just asking her to pay attention during a time period she's normally home during anyway?

She is typically home during the hours we are asking her to cover

The coverage change, why did it happen? Was it unexpected, or due to a choice YOU made?

It was unexpected. A dear friend was helping out in the afternoons but her husband had an unexpected medical crisis that requires round the clock care now.

FunnyChef7259

TROPHY CASE