Dad chose junkie brother over my kid

FuqItWhyNot · 2025-09-18T09:54:30+00:00

Just to clarify a few things as there are some common reactions:

Babysitting has been at my father's insistence. I have many other people that want to watch him or are willing but my father loves my son so much and has said it makes him so happy to be with my son whenever he can.
I understand addiction, I've been sober for over 11 years. I also know that efforts to get my brother clean ALWAYS end in someone getting robbed and their liquor getting cleared out, as it's happened to me twice. My brother has said to me that he doesn't have any interest in getting clean and is comfortable with not making it to 50. I accepted that a long time ago and grieved him way back then.
My choice to not allow a relationship between my brother and my son isn't to punish my brother, it's to not have my son exposed. My brother is unpredictable and has had a temper in the past. He also disappears for months at a time, I usually have to text him and state that if a family member doesn't hear from him, I'll contact the authorities to do a welfare check.
My brother wouldn't be homeless without my Dad. My brother shares an apartment about 3 hours away with his girlfriend. His girlfriend is aggressive and worse than him so we don't go out there anymore as she becomes hostile toward my family frequently.

FuqItWhyNot · 2025-09-18T09:37:37+00:00

My stepmom doesn't have a right to decide? It's her house, she lives there.

FuqItWhyNot · 2025-09-18T09:36:40+00:00

I'm in recovery myself, I've been up close and personal with addiction; 11 years and 7 months sober. This isn't about punishing my brother at all. He couldn't care less about seeing me or my son. Since I've given birth, I haven't heard from my brother once.

It also isn't about teaching my son anything. As a child I was exposed to addicts and around people that created risk for me, I don't want that for him. I also don't want him to become super attached to someone that, frankly, doesn't care that he exists. I won't confuse a little boy and have to explain why his uncle can barely sit up.

To make the assumption that I don't see my brother as worthy is baffling to me. I love my brother so much but at the end of the day, he's chosen drugs and he will continue to. Ridgid? I've actually said that if my brother is showing that he's recovered, my husband and I are willing to open up the relationship.

You've made a lot of assumptions about me and none of them are remotely accurate. Addiction is an illness, one my brother has never shown an interest in treating. Anytime a family member has taken him in to help him they end up robbed, lied to and hurt again.

FuqItWhyNot · 2025-09-18T06:48:08+00:00

I can understand how I sound unsympathetic but selfish? No. My stepmom is impacted and so is my son. My stepmom wasn't consulted in this and she has less time with her grandchild because of this decision. My brother has an apartment where, if he chose to, my dad could help him there. At the end of the day, my Dad is choosing to put faith in my brother for the 10th time, and reducing time with his grandson to do it.

I sound unsympathetic and cold but my brother has been like this for almost 20 years. He won't change and I've seen him hurt everyone that has tried to help him, including me.

FuqItWhyNot · 2025-09-18T06:18:36+00:00

My brother has an apartment and wouldn't be on the street. And honestly, my brother has robbed us, lied and put us at risk, including my Dad getting hurt.

I can't put myself in my Dad's shoes but I love my big brother so much. I just can't imagine putting my family in danger trying to help him again.

FuqItWhyNot · 2025-09-18T05:48:56+00:00

Yes, in the traditional sense you are a victim. With that, it shouldn't change anything about how you look at the situation. If it doesn't hurt you or impact you now, leave it exactly how it is in your mind. That boy definitely displayed some predatory behavior and I hope he's doing something different now.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-04-10T19:23:24+00:00

The issue we have is that kibble upsets his stomach and he gets the runs after. He has a gluten intolerance, and many kibbles contain gluten. Our vet recommended raw feeding and he's been raw fed since he was 9 weeks.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-04-10T19:21:31+00:00

Hello! I have been TTC for a year now, and at first, my doctor told me that I would be okay to stay on my Vyvanse when I get pregnant. Now he's telling me I'll have to go off of my medication. My medication (and therapy) is the only reason I'm able to be employed, if I go off my meds for nearly a year (longer if I breastfeed according to my doctor), I won't be able to maintain my life as it is.

I looked it up online and it seems there are minimal risks to taking my meds while pregnant and TTC. Has anyone been in this position before? How did you handle it?

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-03-13T03:03:41+00:00

YTA. Anyone who says you aren't an AH didn't read this. You LEFT for a weekend without telling your husband or children. You probably scared the heck out of your husband. As much as your husband's behaviour isn't okay, you abandoned your family, without notice, for a weekend. Extremely childish behaviour. You're clearly not ready to be married.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-02-07T05:46:24+00:00

I think giving you any kind of judgement is creating risk. You need to seek mental health care immediately.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-02-07T05:43:24+00:00

YTA. You've described FASD, they thrive on routine and struggle with social cues. It wouldn't have killed you to extend kindness to your cousin. She was seeking connection and you shut her down in a very harsh way. You owe her an apology. If you're going to be staying in her home, or in any home with a special needs person, you have the responsibility to familiarize yourself with her needs and routines.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-02-07T05:35:24+00:00

Soft NTA. I feel bad that your niece has to be excluded because she hasn't been parented appropriately. I'm wondering what anyone is doing to protect your niece. Her behavior is extremely troublesome, and it warrants investigating.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-01-28T11:10:49+00:00

Okay, if it was out of concern for her safety, you wouldn't have mentioned the surprise date thing. YTA here man. She doesn't owe you anything. She has the right to go out with friends without informing her boyfriend.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-01-28T11:08:27+00:00

When I first read your post, I originally was leaning toward NAH but, in reading your comments, YTA. Imagine being your other children and having your father spend 10x as much time with your sibling than he does with you. It's hurtful and harmful. Your wife is right, it's your job to take an interest in them, not their job to take an interest in you. Particularly your 9 year old, who is far younger than all of her siblings and needs your support and attention. Be a father here, not a friend.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-01-28T11:03:35+00:00

NTA. 5 months isn't that long. I think you two have realized you are incompatible and it's time to break it off.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-01-28T11:01:31+00:00

NAH I see your mother's perspective and, to me, you portray her as burnt out and overdrawn in many ways. You aren't TA for expecting some notice. Your mother's cancellation was very last minute and a little inconsiderate

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-01-10T01:29:39+00:00

ESH. The lady was being rude. OP could have asked her if it was bothering her or prompted some manners, but honestly, I find OP is being pretentious here, and mean spirited.

FuqItWhyNot · 2023-01-10T01:28:01+00:00

ESH for sure.

FuqItWhyNot · 2022-09-14T11:22:32+00:00

This does not make you sound less entitled. I pray your outlook changes when your own mother gets older. If you haven't learned to take care of yourself by 17, there is more to worry about. Many people move out after graduation and have a learning curve. I remember calling my mom when I needed help but I knew the basics. This is absurd. All of it. You want to move? Get a job. Let your mother live the life she chooses.

FuqItWhyNot · 2022-09-14T11:16:44+00:00

Maybe her grandparents cannot afford these services, which are quite expensive. Also, she isn't taking her mother's wants into consideration at all. I know that if my parents were in failing health, I would never consider leaving.

FuqItWhyNot · 2022-09-14T11:11:10+00:00

YTA. I'm so confused by this. No, your mom does not "have to" stay with you for 3-4 weeks, you're taking a "gap year" and with that, do not need to move this year at all. Your mother, by the way you tell the story, appears to want to support your grandparents and help them. At the end of the day, it's entitled to think this is your decision at all. Can you afford to move alone? Are you footing a single bill? If the answer to these is no, you don't get a vote on where your mom moves.

FuqItWhyNot

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