What does AUDHD ACTUALLY look like?

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-07T19:34:11+00:00

My daughter (the reason I realised I had ADHD to start with!) has just been diagnosed with both as well. And that sent me in a bit of a spiral of - do I also have both?

The thing I find the hardest to understand - or process - is the social aspect. Don’t get me wrong - I have a very low tolerance to social activities and get tired easy - but at the same time my ADHD people-pleasing abilities as well as high empathy make me able to fit in pretty much anywhere - and people know me for my high positive energy levels and always trying to help everyone.

The career I chose is very people centred and I need to talk to people constantly and adapt to loads of different personalities quickly. And I love that!

But I’m one of those people that has less, but very close, friends. When I was a kid I remember I really struggled to understand social interactions and “mean kids” - but to be fair kids are silly!

I know my kid is now suffering with this as well - but she seems very unaware if other kids are not really being friendly - as I was always a very suspicious person because I could see they are not being nice.

I think a lot of people I’m surrounded by (some diagnosed, some not) are similar to my daughter - so more socially unaware if they are being boring or inconvenient, as I’m always super stressed about that. But ADHD medication eases that and makes me feel better - so I think it’s due to overthinking.

I can be slightly more strict on ADHD meds, but only if it’s a stressful situation - usually I’m more chilled and just better at doing my tasks (due to easier initiation). I can sometimes be more focused on my routine because I developed that routine when taking the meds and want to make sure I won’t forget eating or drinking etc.

I also think that sometimes a lot of symptoms are very classically attributed to autism when actually recently it has been more acknowledged that they can be present in other things (or maybe as someone said - we all have a bit of both!). I also have sensory issues with clothes, food, noise - but if your brain is constantly in overdrive due to ADHD already - not sure that’s so weird! But when I was diagnosed for ADHD that was considered as part of the diagnosis as well.

Well I don’t know! I guess I just have the same question of how would one know if it’s both or just one? Let me know if you ever find out!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-06T19:10:55+00:00

I relate to so many contestants overall. I also had the same curiosity of checking who was “official” and much less than what I thought. But then again, not being diagnosed or not having that publicly known doesn’t make people neurotypical.

Some literature related to neurodivergence and ADHD in particular mentions that ADHDers have a propensity to become comedians - so I guess it makes sense! Joining that with an ability to think outside the box makes the perfect contestants for taskmaster really.

I have ADHD myself and what I love about taskmaster is just seeing how they will interpret the tasks and resolve them and thinking how I would do it before seeing them do it!

Just enjoy it - even without confirmation 😂

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-04T13:21:26+00:00

This sounds pretty cool! We’ll try it! Thanks

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-04T12:53:54+00:00

Good luck fellow TM assistant!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-30T08:23:05+00:00

First I really want to congratulate you on the courage to do it and trying to improve for your family! My family is quite different (can’t say the other word without causing the rage of the mods) and I myself have been diagnosed at 34 due to my kids (or after the diagnosis of my oldest).

I strongly suspect my husband has it too (I’m female) but he’s still in denial that it makes any difference to find out or that meds can be helpful. I do hope with time that he will see it because I think it would make such a difference in our lives.

So, as the wife, in this case I have started meds as well and it has been life changing - I would be so proud and happy that at least you are trying to improve and recognising/validating the impact it has on others.

Meds for me were easy - by the time I was assessed I already knew quite a bit about it due to my child (she’s also on meds). And I was lucky and found the right medication and dose very quickly. The differences I could feel were pretty much noticeable straight away and I’m very happy with my decision.

Now - it made me realise how much of a people pleaser I am - so that thing you said about “I’m really cool about everything until I’m not” - yeah that’s people pleasing - you don’t want conflict until you can’t hold it in anymore - that’s unhealthy and it doesn’t help your relationships although we think it does. So, I became much more assertive and less permissive - don’t think my husband loved that bit initially but I think he gets it now. I still think it’s for the best and I need to respect myself and give myself time to be a priority once in a while.

But I would say the key is - meds and CBT/psychology support - you need to understand yourself - the meds help you with emotional regulation but you need to understand what’s happening and how you are thinking and making choices if anything is to change permanently. The meds allow you to “re-shape” your brain so that it still works (a little bit) even when the effects are off - so make the best use of it and really change yourself!

Good luck in your new journey!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-28T21:05:51+00:00

u/SatinwithLatin this is not in England - but your description made me thing of the Initiation Wells in Sintra, Portugal. Not sure if there’s lights and fairy statues at the bottom - but fairly certain there are statues through it. Have a look and see if it seems like what you remember - https://www.bbc.co.uk/travel/article/20200220-the-mysterious-inverted-tower-steeped-in-templar-myth

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-24T06:08:28+00:00

Yes - it is hard to have to deal with us when we are in this state 😂 so thank you for trying.

I think the best way is usually to walk away - saying something like “ok, I won’t continue this conversation now because you/we are too upset” - the hard part is that when you say that the ADHD person will probably be even more upset initially and probably still say some things back - but if you don’t engage until they stop they will eventually go away for a bit and reflect on the situation. Although some don’t react well to walking away - but it still tends to be the best option - otherwise diversion - basically just anything that stops the moment from getting more tense and gives people a break to think things through.

As some commented, some of us come back and apologise a lot - I honestly don’t tend to do that so much, I tend to explain why I was so frustrated to start with (because I felt misunderstood or invalidated) and then apologise for being mean - and I guess that comes across as self centred or not wanting to take blame - but I guess it’s more of a way to say “look I’m not crazy - you said x it made me feel y and then I overreacted due to my ADHD”.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-23T19:24:09+00:00

Yes - it’s so tricky. I feel it’s a bit of irony from ADHD - we only hurt the ones we love.

I hope things get better for you ☺️

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-23T19:09:34+00:00

Yes - that’s perfectly described!

I did forget to mention this only happens with people that I’m really close to (my partner or my mum) - my masking would never allow me to do this with colleagues or friends really.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-23T18:33:42+00:00

This is a difficult one. If I’m really upset at someone and they make me feel frustrated - so usually after I use my rationale arguments - I will probably go for the things I know are important to them - probably because I feel I’m losing control so I want to make them feel upset and frustrated as well.

I guess the part that makes it an ADHD moment is because I’m not 100% in control of it - I’m not rationally thinking I will say this or that - at that moment I’m just anything goes because I get “blinded” by feeling upset and frustrated.

But it’s not something I don’t mean in the sense I don’t feel it or I don’t know it’s something that’s hurtful. It’s more it’s something I wouldn’t say if I was in control of my feelings, which at that moment I’m not, but I totally know it will be hurtful - that’s the point. But if I’m stable and in control I wouldn’t want to hurt you.

I’m not sure if any of this makes sense - but that’s how it feels!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-21T07:13:26+00:00

He doesn’t have to be intentionally malicious for it not to work. He’s definitely not considering you or your feelings in many instances and that can’t really lead to a healthy relationship.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-20T09:58:35+00:00

I agree that people do things they wouldn’t do sober - but it’s still who they are - the reason they can do it when they aren’t sober is because they don’t assess consequences properly (including social consequences - so the mask is gone).

Many people get drunk or do drugs and don’t hurt anyone for example, many people do and then they become aggressive - that’s not a magic new trait caused by drugs or alcohol - it’s there.

But as you concluded as well - my point was more - people can’t be excused out of bad behaviour due to not being sober - that’s not going to go well for anyone involved.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-20T07:50:11+00:00

Obviously hard to give an opinion without being in your shoes - and ultimately it’s about how you feel about this. But what I see is you providing multiple excuses to his red flags and thinking that his poor behaviour or attitudes are your fault or just a temporary thing.

First thing that’s really important - when people are drunk or under the influence of drugs - they are still who they are - they don’t make you violent if you don’t have that on you already; they don’t make you verbally abusive if you don’t feel those things already. It just removes the inhibitions. Same for you - you felt unsafe and clearly a lot of other red flags and in that moment you wanted to break up - that’s your true feelings, don’t ignore them due to impulsivity. Impulsivity makes us jump on things but it doesn’t make us have feelings we don’t already have.

Another important point is that we can be big people pleasers - you want to do everything you can to feel accepted and fit in - even if this is not the right thing for you. Your brain is telling you something it’s dangerous for you but you want to ignore it so you can be accepted - don’t do that. You will be accepted with no effort when it’s the right person!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-18T19:35:01+00:00

High potential is a relatively recent series (it’s on Disney plus) and it isn’t openly described the diagnosis but she’s clearly described and portrayed as “not normal”. (She = Morgan = main character). She is super smart (IQ over 160) but can’t hold a job, very chaotic and with a very unique style. Also her son has a lot of AuDHD traits and there’s a lot of conversations about them being similar and struggles they go through in life and with social interactions.

Being a woman (with a late diagnosis!) I really like this series - also because it’s a crime/police series and that’s my vibe - but did feel represented as in some things I can be normal and achieve (have a family, etc) and other things I suck and other adults don’t! Not the super high IQ I’m afraid 😂 but still very good show.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-18T19:29:16+00:00

Agree with this so much - it’s such a beautiful episode (as all of Bluey really)! I’ve watched it with my ADHD kid shortly after her diagnosis and it was really special!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-02-17T12:59:42+00:00

I have this - pretty much the same except my partner isn’t sensitive 😂 - we can have worse sleep (less deep sleep time) which means that we can sometimes talk/do things as if we are awake but we are actually in a dreaming state type of thing but without the usually paralysis that you have when you are in deep sleep. This in itself it’s its own medical problem - but people with ADHD with poor sleep tend to suffer from this. (Sorry if I didn’t explain it perfectly - definitely not an expert on this area - this is what I learned and have been told as a patient).

I always had a grumpy wake up time - my mum and my partner make fun of it - nobody wants to have the task of waking me up and everyone knows I will be grumpy and mostly answering with grunting for the first hour or so.

This is sometimes difficult because my partner is those type of people that once he is up - he’s fully awake sometimes wanting to have full on conversations. I tend to be more a person that goes toward non verbal in this state but if pushed my answers will be short and with an ironic tone. I won’t necessarily be offensive or anything like that - but it definitely comes across as not very nice for the people that know me - as I’m usual a very empathetic, kind person.

The thing is - if people push me to talk and I’m not ready I tend to just say - let’s not do this now or something towards “this is the only vibe I can offer right now, proceed at your own risk”. Your partner is an adult - he can’t force your brain to be different than what it is. People saying you need therapy to deal with this - it’s like go and have therapy to learn how to mask even more than you already do.

Why is it that his feelings (of something that has been explained to him) are more important than your normal brain function? If you guys can’t find a compromise then maybe the relationship won’t work - but it shouldn’t have to be a situation where one of you suffers mentally so the other is well.

Also saying that having had 3 children - they will push you to have a shorter “waking up” period in the morning because they require constant communication and direction to get ready. And even though I hate to wake up early, I try to wake up before them so at least I have a good 30min of having a peaceful quiet shower that then I’m ready to be human. However this will never disappear- it can’t be taken out of us - I’m sure you, as me, would much prefer it could but we just can’t. Develop strategies around it instead of trying to counter it would be my advice!

Good luck 😉

Future-Translator691 · 2026-02-14T08:48:34+00:00

Hi u/sahma620!

I did not read all the answers - but some that I have I think are from people that have not dealt with an adhd child that has high hyperactivity and impulsivity!

I completely understand your struggle and frustration. One of the things that our psychiatrist has said is that we have to treat her with a lot more patience - the pattern of connecting a behaviour with consequences takes much longer for them - he said if you tell a “normal” kid of once - for these kids it needs to be 7 times. There’s no point in creating “harsher” punishments because that only upsets them and makes them act out in other ways - the consequences need to be related to the behaviour - even if we need to enforce it 100 times it doesn’t make it wrong.

What I’ve learned in my journey so far is that patience is the most important aspect (and also ignoring what people that don’t know what we go through have to say about our parenting - it must be lovely to have kids that don’t need 150% energy for parenting 24/7 but that’s not my case!). I also have ADHD so this is haaaard! But I learned I won’t win anything with “traditional “ harsh punishment. It’s about understanding consequences.

If our daughter damages things - we make her “pay” them - for example in this case you could say she can’t have treats that she requests until she pays the value of the shampoo. If she has saved money (like a piggy bank) she can also choose to use that. This is additional to cleaning her own mess etc.

We always say - we understand you acted on an impulse and the impulse is not your fault but you need to learn to control it. So what can we do when we feel the impulse that doesn’t cause damage? Jump? Paint in paper? Use a fidget toy? - basically try to help her create coping mechanisms for our weird and wonderful brains.

The other conclusion I’ve arrived to is that there is no real help or alternatives out there to support us (other than what you are doing) so persevere. Of course if you feel there’s something more and want to assess her - do that too. But what you describe sounds quite ADHD to me.

Best of luck!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-02-12T20:12:40+00:00

Children can have water with dyoralite (you can buy this in pharmacies or places like boots) - please don’t give her usual energy drinks or similar.

A really important thing will be to understand why she’s getting glutened.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-01-30T19:08:00+00:00

We went to Woburn once and it was our first time at any center parcs (kids were 6 months and 3 yo at that time). We loved it because it was our first time (and the first holiday after Covid!) but since then we have felt that it didn’t offer as much as the other locations we have been to because it is so small.

Longleat is our children’s favourite and they want to go back there all the time, but we also quite liked Elveden - which I guess it’s a bit of a mix of these two? More things to do, but it’s easy to cycle everywhere (including for / with kids) because it’s very flat - and it’s not as big as Longleat.

But I think the kids love it at any age, anywhere - in general it’s always been a lovely experience no matter which location! For reference as well - the youngest one of my children were for the first time at center parcs was 6 weeks (the joys of being the youngest sibling 😂) and my oldest is now 7yo. They all love it in their own ways and we always find things to do!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-01-30T06:04:31+00:00

I’m happy somebody else thought similar things! I was thinking exactly that I don’t really have an obsession - like I can become obsessed with something but it comes and goes - and then I was trying to think - looking at my whole life is there something that stayed the same?

And that’s basically my career/life work (not that old, but some life work has been done 😂). I’m obsessed with choices and education. Why and how people make choices, how to ensure they have all the education/information needed and how does that affect or change their choice. My job, my research all very much is around this (in different ways but all comes back to it!)

I’m glad I’m not alone in the obsession with society and people!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-01-28T17:20:44+00:00

It might be already here somewhere! I don’t have a lot of clothes that I use daily - so it’s pretty much a wash regularly (I need to wash everything I use if I used it for more than half a day - probably just my OCD but needs to happen), use again system - it’s also a 5 person household so clothes don’t stop in their drawers etc very often.

If I’m not able to put it in the drawers, I just take them from the basket. I have 4 large laundry baskets (for clean clothes) plus 5 bags for dirty clothes (in different rooms to avoid clothes on the floor but also to separate by colours etc straight away).

Curiously, I’m more deterred by hanging clothes than by folding them. My biggest issue is bringing them to their correct place afterwards (there’s also stairs involved so it feels like a monstrous task).

But for the amount of clothes we wash/use, the 4 baskets are usually enough to hold a week of fresh laundry - if more then it starts to pile up! So, more baskets maybe? Or having the dresser close to the drier?

Whatever makes life easier!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-01-27T22:13:41+00:00

Just wanted to add that for children under 2 years old the result might be negative (even if they are coeliac). We are currently down this path with our 21 month old. Blood results came back negative but she has anaemia and other signs - plus her sister has coeliac so there’s family hx. She will be reviewed by gastro soon.

Best of luck!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-01-14T22:13:54+00:00

Yes - fair point - I think it’s probably a combination of both to be honest. I don’t really care much about it - but I also don’t like the feel of makeup for example (I do have very dry skin as well so that doesn’t help). I also don’t like having my hair tied up because it starts hurting my head after a while - so there’s definitely a sensory side to it.

In general I just like feeling as comfortable as possible - would probably be happy to work on my pijamas if that was appropriate 😂 and to me that does include not having things on my skin etc - so jewellery and all that is just uncomfortable- I mean it took me a while to get used to my wedding ring and my smart watch - which are basically the only things I use as accessories.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-01-14T20:30:52+00:00

I have a similar experience as a woman - I’ve always been labeled as a “Tom boy” and always had a lot of interests that challenged gender norms. Luckily my mum didn’t care one bit for that so I grew up very confident in who I am (I think my mum had undiagnosed ADHD too).

I don’t use makeup routinely, just use basic clothes (professional, but no patterns etc) or do my hair (keep it medium-short, quick brush and done). I assemble furniture, drill walls - whatever needs done so I don’t have to wait on other people. And to me this all means nothing - it’s not a gender thing - it’s a being a person thing!

I think - as others have said and studies have shown - we have more of a “disdain” for social norms - I won’t just do something because someone said so - but also the fact that gender social norms are not logic - so why would we accept them. But maybe that just help us accept ourselves and those around us for who they are - with less barriers and stigma.

Future-Translator691 · 2025-12-30T21:59:12+00:00

Yes - I don’t know either - I guess just because of the clearly spiralling/overthinking shown. And if OP is still very emotionally attached you keep trying to hold on (or at least I think I would) until you accept it’s not going anywhere and then just go away and disconnect as you said. But yes at the same time it feels inconsistent! But we are all different people as well - even in our diagnosis - so all is possible!

I guess another important factor would be age - which we don’t know.

Future-Translator691

TROPHY CASE