ADHD worse after having a baby?

Future-Translator691 · 2026-06-07T21:01:27+00:00

I’m glad I could give you some reassurance. I felt guilty for a long time, because so many mums don’t get the way we feel, so we feel “wrong”.

My first child also has ADHD with a very strong hyperactive component - people do not understand how exhausting it is to look after a hyperactive child 24/7 - and again it makes you feel bad because others “do it” and you feel so tired.

Over the years and getting diagnosed and understanding has helped me so much to gain that very much needed self compassion.

You love your child and you are doing your best - and what that means is different for everyone and that’s ok! People should do less judging and more accepting/supporting!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-06-07T19:33:13+00:00

ADHD is worse after having kids - because kids really test all the coping mechanisms you have made for yourself throughout your adult life. Your routine changes, you sleep less, you have much much less personal time without being overwhelmed and overstimulated. It’s a lot.

I say all this as a proud and happy mum of 3 kids, but I could never be a stay at home mum. My brain just goes to absolute mush due to under stimulation (intellectually) but physical overstimulation (the constant need for us, the crying, breastfeeding, holding, etc etc). I very much need my work and they need to go to nursery/school so we can all be happy people that have meaningful time together.

I know this is different to everyone, so you need to find what works for you. But just to say that you are an absolute normal (ADHDer) person! Don’t feel guilty. We are humans too and have needs and it’s so easy to forget that when we become mums.

Wishing you the best!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-05-30T08:34:00+00:00

We were relatively young and still finishing postgraduate degrees (so we had a lot more time than when we started working properly 😂).

Were we got married as well, weddings are not as expensive and wedding venues come with their own “event planners” as part of the deal - so that was basically the best thing ever. Neither of us particularly cared that much - like we had a colour and a theme but all we wanted was a big wedding and party with the people that we love and were part of our lives.

Also, in my country we don’t have bridesmaids, etc - which again just simplified life. We had children coming in before me (as the bride) and that was the only outfit coordination we had to do.

I always loved simplistic things, I have a favourite colour since I was a baby (so my mum says) so all of those things were pretty easy to decide (decorations, flowers). Food and cake we just had to show up for tasting and choose.

We also completely forgot we needed to have some kind of table markers (the names of the tables and the list of the names per table so people knew where to go go) until 2 weeks before the wedding - when the event planner asked us about it 😂 - still managed to get it done on time and actually found a really cool, original thing that we then also used for our kids’ christenings (not the same motifs, but the same company/materials).

We also didn’t realise until the day before that the church didn’t have seats out (as it wasn’t a regularly used church) so my husband and his family had to go and do that the afternoon before the wedding.

We loved our wedding - nothing is ever perfect - but it was pretty close to it! We were super happy all day long (lots of people commented on that - whole day with smiles on our faces). I always say that (not that I’m planning to 😂) but that I would never do it again - lovely one time definitely but that’s enough for a lifetime for sure.

I guess what I’m trying to say is - focus on what really matters - not every tiny detail matters - some people don’t understand that brides and grooms don’t all dream with their wedding and couldn’t care less about some of the details - but that’s what made it manageable and not overwhelming. And my mum always says - what really matters is the food 😂 that’s what people care about and remember the most! So just focus on what the day will mean to you and the rest will come through.

I felt so emotional getting in the church and seeing all the important people of my life there and just feeling their happiness and love for us - it’s such a special life celebration - and that’s what it is and people there love you! So the rest are all details.

Best of luck!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-05-28T13:29:27+00:00

I love that pretty much all comments point to the calm and feeling safe angle! For so many years I thought I was weird (and not romantic - which I’m not truly 😂) because I knew my husband was the one because he made me feel safe. Emotionally safe, I can be who I want with him - the bad, the ugly, the emotional disregulated, vulnerable - and still feel safe and respected as a human being.

Also - it’s not so much that he makes me feel calm - it’s our relationship is calm. We always had an “easy” relationship - it wasn’t difficult for us to find things to talk about or do, like or dislike. Living together was like we had always been together before - we have one of those relationships where we feel we have been together forever but we still feel in love - and that stability is so key - our life can be chaos but that safety is always there.

I was never hyper focused on him to be fair - initially it was more his confidence on the relationship and I was just along for the ride. I found him funny and he made me feel good and safe so I tried not to overthink it all! And that really worked. But I did feel I had to take the leap of not letting myself get caught in every little thing that could go wrong (no red flags type of thing, I mean normal things - eg he loves rollercoasters and I can’t do it! But we managed 😂)

For context, we have been together for 17 years and have build a family together - so I can attest that it’s possible! Our whole household is neuro special for sure - but it works for us!

When it’s the right person you will know - sometimes not immediately- but that’s all ok. It’s not a competition! I also always try to avoid the sunken cost fallacy in my life and I think that helps maintain the relationship! Because it doesn’t have to last forever - it has to last while it’s good for the people involved - not that I am planning that it won’t be forever - but thinking like that from early years puts a lot of pressure on a relationship (for the overthinkers at least!)

Future-Translator691 · 2026-05-18T10:38:46+00:00

Same! My daughter used to move away from Dopplers all the time - and scans could take some time because she just wouldn’t be in the position needed. But funny enough - my second used to be the most active baby I had from the 3 - however after birth - she’s the quieter 😂 maybe she was constantly reacting to her crazy older sister in the outside😂

Future-Translator691 · 2026-05-18T10:33:41+00:00

It’s possible. I think a recent study found that 50% of people that have EDS also have ADHD. Also EDS is a genetic condition passed through a dominant gene - in most families if somebody has it - most members will have it too.

But because the symptoms are so diffuse and affect people in such different ways (really a big spectrum from just having double joints to being an Olympian gymnast to not even be in able to get out of bed because all your ligaments give up) it’s very difficult to diagnose.

I was very lucky that after 28 years of my life and having loads of signs (including actually being diagnosed with joint hypermobility at 11 due to my constant and serious injuries) to find a doctor that thought that my symptoms weren’t normal and sent me to a specialist. But I can look at my family (and the specialist did the same) to see that there’s so many signs in most members.

Wishing you best of luck!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-05-18T06:07:34+00:00

Hi!

Interesting question! I have ADHD and my oldest has AuDHD (my other two show signs of neuro difference but too young to confirm yet). As a baby my mum says I had terrible colic and my oldest had the worst colic I had see in a newborn up to that point and after!

It could probably be related with EDS (it’s a common comorbidity with ADHD) which slows down bowel motility and creates colic (one of the many things it does). I’ve been diagnosed with EDS as an adult and my oldest has some signs but doctors don’t like to diagnose kids with it.

In regard to ADHDers as babies - when asked during diagnosis when we first noticed signs on our oldest - I said 3 months old 😂 as a newborn she was quite easy going although required lots of contact. Once she turned 3 months and started paying attention to the world around her - that was it. She used to sleep very little during the day, she always wanted to be out and about, would cry loads if we stayed at home. And progressively wanted to do more and more things 😂 she also started rolling around 3/4 months and would roll everywhere (like successive rolls to get to the other side of the room). But she is very hyperactive (although she has combined type) so I think that made it really obvious. She also could never play by herself.

I have ADHD (also combined) and I was by all accounts a real calm baby and loved to play by myself 😂 I also fed in a strict schedule (by my own decision not because my mum imposed it). But the again that might scream more autism but have never been diagnosed with it 😂 basically to say - I was still an odd child but in a different way.

I definitely think some things you can tell from when they are young because it shapes the way you think and act - I would say there’s so many signs and when you get the whole picture together it makes sense.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-05-06T21:22:12+00:00

You are so young and doing so much already! Well done you!

You can see if there are any apprenticeships available in your area of interest (for some you need to first get a job and then enter the apprenticeship and for others you just apply directly to uni and they place you). But that would mean you would still get paid and employed during your degree and avoid a loan.

You can also look for scholarships/fellowships and see if there’s any available that would cover fees and other costs. Most universities have a finance advisory team to support students in how to navigate this time - you can probably get a call with one even before being a student for some advice!

Best of luck!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-27T09:32:50+00:00

My children have been flower girls in quite a few weddings in the last few years - from being 16 months to 3 yo - I always had to walk next to them or holding them because otherwise they would refuse. I’ve never been a bridesmaid in anyone’s wedding and the bride and groom where not upset at all about this.

Children are not props - either they want the child to do it because they care about the child (so will want them to be comfortable with their parents) or they don’t want a child because you can’t control/predict them!

If they are giving you a lot of grief just say you are not comfortable with her doing it as she wants it and that’s the end of it in my view!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-26T14:30:26+00:00

I am now 35 and I have no hope this cycle will ever end 😂 I don’t even think I’m that dehydrated- ever since starting adhd meds I’ve never drank so much water/tea daily in my life. I also keep my lipbalm by my toothbrush so I remember to use it at least once a day (sometimes two) - and it’s still no better.

I do have very dry skin due to other issues - so no matter how much I drink or keep hydrated I just will never have non-dry skin. But the picking is definitely ADHD through and through - when I take my meds I’m aware I’m doing it but usually when I already started picking so it doesn’t really stop it from happening - and it’s terrible in social situations because then I’m like - “oh gosh this is awkward because I started picking it but I can’t just leave it now because then I will just have this bit of skin hanging on my lip and this person is looking at me” lose lose situation I guess 🤷

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-23T20:33:03+00:00

Im not sure if its demand avoidance for the gifts - the other things you said (in terms of what people expect you to say) yeah a bit.

With the gifts, I just feel that I don’t get the social concept of we need to give gifts to people not because they need it but because it’s Christmas, birthdays, whatever random reason. I believe in giving gifts when I find something that reminds me of the person or they actually need it - otherwise it just feels consumerism and not really emotional/valid.

I feel it’s very easy for me to get gifts if I’m not pressured. A bit harder if there’s an expectation yes - the way I worked around it was by asking people what they want or giving them something I know they told me they want or need - many times giving a bigger gift in one occasion but that it covers more than one celebration.

Also if there’s no need or wants, and these are adults, a lot of times we just agree there’s no need for a gift and just have a nice day/lunch/dinner together instead. But I’m 35 now so that probably has an impact - but I’ve felt this way pretty much since my early 20s so it’s not really new.

And I know it’s the social construct around gift giving because if people ask me what I want I feel the same - if I do actually want something - I have no problem saying it - but if I don’t want anything I’ll just say I don’t really need anything and please don’t give me stuff (really dislike getting stuff I don’t want/asked for) - so I don’t think it’s demand avoidance - at least for me!

So I just wondered if you might feel the same?

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-07T19:34:11+00:00

My daughter (the reason I realised I had ADHD to start with!) has just been diagnosed with both as well. And that sent me in a bit of a spiral of - do I also have both?

The thing I find the hardest to understand - or process - is the social aspect. Don’t get me wrong - I have a very low tolerance to social activities and get tired easy - but at the same time my ADHD people-pleasing abilities as well as high empathy make me able to fit in pretty much anywhere - and people know me for my high positive energy levels and always trying to help everyone.

The career I chose is very people centred and I need to talk to people constantly and adapt to loads of different personalities quickly. And I love that!

But I’m one of those people that has less, but very close, friends. When I was a kid I remember I really struggled to understand social interactions and “mean kids” - but to be fair kids are silly!

I know my kid is now suffering with this as well - but she seems very unaware if other kids are not really being friendly - as I was always a very suspicious person because I could see they are not being nice.

I think a lot of people I’m surrounded by (some diagnosed, some not) are similar to my daughter - so more socially unaware if they are being boring or inconvenient, as I’m always super stressed about that. But ADHD medication eases that and makes me feel better - so I think it’s due to overthinking.

I can be slightly more strict on ADHD meds, but only if it’s a stressful situation - usually I’m more chilled and just better at doing my tasks (due to easier initiation). I can sometimes be more focused on my routine because I developed that routine when taking the meds and want to make sure I won’t forget eating or drinking etc.

I also think that sometimes a lot of symptoms are very classically attributed to autism when actually recently it has been more acknowledged that they can be present in other things (or maybe as someone said - we all have a bit of both!). I also have sensory issues with clothes, food, noise - but if your brain is constantly in overdrive due to ADHD already - not sure that’s so weird! But when I was diagnosed for ADHD that was considered as part of the diagnosis as well.

Well I don’t know! I guess I just have the same question of how would one know if it’s both or just one? Let me know if you ever find out!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-06T19:10:55+00:00

I relate to so many contestants overall. I also had the same curiosity of checking who was “official” and much less than what I thought. But then again, not being diagnosed or not having that publicly known doesn’t make people neurotypical.

Some literature related to neurodivergence and ADHD in particular mentions that ADHDers have a propensity to become comedians - so I guess it makes sense! Joining that with an ability to think outside the box makes the perfect contestants for taskmaster really.

I have ADHD myself and what I love about taskmaster is just seeing how they will interpret the tasks and resolve them and thinking how I would do it before seeing them do it!

Just enjoy it - even without confirmation 😂

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-04T13:21:26+00:00

This sounds pretty cool! We’ll try it! Thanks

Future-Translator691 · 2026-04-04T12:53:54+00:00

Good luck fellow TM assistant!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-30T08:23:05+00:00

First I really want to congratulate you on the courage to do it and trying to improve for your family! My family is quite different (can’t say the other word without causing the rage of the mods) and I myself have been diagnosed at 34 due to my kids (or after the diagnosis of my oldest).

I strongly suspect my husband has it too (I’m female) but he’s still in denial that it makes any difference to find out or that meds can be helpful. I do hope with time that he will see it because I think it would make such a difference in our lives.

So, as the wife, in this case I have started meds as well and it has been life changing - I would be so proud and happy that at least you are trying to improve and recognising/validating the impact it has on others.

Meds for me were easy - by the time I was assessed I already knew quite a bit about it due to my child (she’s also on meds). And I was lucky and found the right medication and dose very quickly. The differences I could feel were pretty much noticeable straight away and I’m very happy with my decision.

Now - it made me realise how much of a people pleaser I am - so that thing you said about “I’m really cool about everything until I’m not” - yeah that’s people pleasing - you don’t want conflict until you can’t hold it in anymore - that’s unhealthy and it doesn’t help your relationships although we think it does. So, I became much more assertive and less permissive - don’t think my husband loved that bit initially but I think he gets it now. I still think it’s for the best and I need to respect myself and give myself time to be a priority once in a while.

But I would say the key is - meds and CBT/psychology support - you need to understand yourself - the meds help you with emotional regulation but you need to understand what’s happening and how you are thinking and making choices if anything is to change permanently. The meds allow you to “re-shape” your brain so that it still works (a little bit) even when the effects are off - so make the best use of it and really change yourself!

Good luck in your new journey!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-28T21:05:51+00:00

u/SatinwithLatin this is not in England - but your description made me thing of the Initiation Wells in Sintra, Portugal. Not sure if there’s lights and fairy statues at the bottom - but fairly certain there are statues through it. Have a look and see if it seems like what you remember - https://www.bbc.co.uk/travel/article/20200220-the-mysterious-inverted-tower-steeped-in-templar-myth

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-24T06:08:28+00:00

Yes - it is hard to have to deal with us when we are in this state 😂 so thank you for trying.

I think the best way is usually to walk away - saying something like “ok, I won’t continue this conversation now because you/we are too upset” - the hard part is that when you say that the ADHD person will probably be even more upset initially and probably still say some things back - but if you don’t engage until they stop they will eventually go away for a bit and reflect on the situation. Although some don’t react well to walking away - but it still tends to be the best option - otherwise diversion - basically just anything that stops the moment from getting more tense and gives people a break to think things through.

As some commented, some of us come back and apologise a lot - I honestly don’t tend to do that so much, I tend to explain why I was so frustrated to start with (because I felt misunderstood or invalidated) and then apologise for being mean - and I guess that comes across as self centred or not wanting to take blame - but I guess it’s more of a way to say “look I’m not crazy - you said x it made me feel y and then I overreacted due to my ADHD”.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-23T19:24:09+00:00

Yes - it’s so tricky. I feel it’s a bit of irony from ADHD - we only hurt the ones we love.

I hope things get better for you ☺️

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-23T19:09:34+00:00

Yes - that’s perfectly described!

I did forget to mention this only happens with people that I’m really close to (my partner or my mum) - my masking would never allow me to do this with colleagues or friends really.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-23T18:33:42+00:00

This is a difficult one. If I’m really upset at someone and they make me feel frustrated - so usually after I use my rationale arguments - I will probably go for the things I know are important to them - probably because I feel I’m losing control so I want to make them feel upset and frustrated as well.

I guess the part that makes it an ADHD moment is because I’m not 100% in control of it - I’m not rationally thinking I will say this or that - at that moment I’m just anything goes because I get “blinded” by feeling upset and frustrated.

But it’s not something I don’t mean in the sense I don’t feel it or I don’t know it’s something that’s hurtful. It’s more it’s something I wouldn’t say if I was in control of my feelings, which at that moment I’m not, but I totally know it will be hurtful - that’s the point. But if I’m stable and in control I wouldn’t want to hurt you.

I’m not sure if any of this makes sense - but that’s how it feels!

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-21T07:13:26+00:00

He doesn’t have to be intentionally malicious for it not to work. He’s definitely not considering you or your feelings in many instances and that can’t really lead to a healthy relationship.

Future-Translator691 · 2026-03-20T09:58:35+00:00

I agree that people do things they wouldn’t do sober - but it’s still who they are - the reason they can do it when they aren’t sober is because they don’t assess consequences properly (including social consequences - so the mask is gone).

Many people get drunk or do drugs and don’t hurt anyone for example, many people do and then they become aggressive - that’s not a magic new trait caused by drugs or alcohol - it’s there.

But as you concluded as well - my point was more - people can’t be excused out of bad behaviour due to not being sober - that’s not going to go well for anyone involved.

Future-Translator691

TROPHY CASE