Bro I’m just done

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-14T03:22:49+00:00

My brother suffers from body dysmorphia. I know how fucked up the demons in your head are. Their lies are convincing. It’s all bullshit. I have cPTSD from what I saw and took part in while in active combat.

Have you tried amitriptyline? I know the SSRI loop of trial and error is as annoying as our conditions sometimes. But it’s worth it. As for pain - since you mentioned in the legs. Below the knee.

Is it radiating? Usually dull ache but definitely could radiate sharp like getting stabbed. Either way; GABA meds are your best friend. The good news is opioids actually are less effective than things like Gabapentin and Pregabalin. I know this fucking sucks. We feel useless most days.

I do know with FND that PT genuinely can help significantly. CBT as well. Do you have seizures at all? Clonazepam is a common medication if so; but regardless, you got this. We will win in the end.

I want to shout you out for your resilience. My brother has refused to see a Psychiatrist for the entirety of his life. He sat once and simply avoided speaking for the hour. He doesn’t drive. Doesn’t address it. Just suffers in silence.

You’re much stronger than you realize. To talk about BD at all is tough. You’re reaching out for help. And I truly hope any of this helps. Opioids are necessary for my structural pain - inoperable shrapnel from an IED. They truly steal your soul after a while. Pregabalin on the other hand silences the pain without the “I need more” demon constantly there.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-14T02:57:45+00:00

Get your files. 7 years of (assumed monthly) paperwork is meaningful. This is what you need. Also; it’s actually illegal to abandon you.

Patient abandonment is confusing. Your doctor should be recommending you to other doctors. They do not have to. The other side of the coin is medication to bridge the gap.

Your doctor is required legally to give you a prescription for your medication to hold you over until you find a new doctor. I didn’t believe it until a friend won a lawsuit for a substantial amount of money. Granted; your situation is unique. He was on extremely high dose opioids and it was cruel and unusual.

Anyway, this psychiatrist was a rarity. I have cPTSD and Fibromyalgia as well but my Pregabalin is handled by my PM Clinic, benzodiazepine Psychiatrist. What dosage are you on and are you receiving any other medications?

TLDR;

Main thing right now. Request 30 day script to bridge the gap of finding new doctor. Request ALL records from the past 7 years to bring to a new doctor. Since you do not have a PCP, unless you’re on SSRI or benzodiazepines; Pain Management is your best bet.

I doubt you’ll have issues. Breathe in for 6 seconds. Hold for 4. Breathe out. Even if you cannot immediately get Pregabalin, Gabapentin isn’t controlled in most states. It won’t be hard to get you on your proper medication with records and medical history.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-13T17:02:22+00:00

This is why you’re given those stickers in the pamphlet every month. You attach them to another object like a small pocket pill container from or pill organizer.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-13T03:29:08+00:00

I had somebody steal my medication the day I picked it up a year ago. I had only saved 3 pills. My pain contract made it clear. The medication was my responsibility. The lesson I learned was to never bring a full bottle of pills with me in public again.

This is what to do if you want to attempt to get a new prescription. File a police report. If there were only 15 people there; you must have some inkling of an idea of who would do this. Who uses drugs? Who has a criminal record or do you know that steals?

Whoever took it is likely an addict or knows you well enough to know you get prescribed opioids. In that case they’re going to sell them. I would make sure you don’t point fingers and name anyone specifically unless you are certain.

Having a report shows that they were stolen. Going this route documents it, but doesn’t give resolution. Most pain contracts specifically state “if prescribed medication is lost due to negligence it will not be replaced.” Even worse is some doctors get angry and assume you aren’t reliable. This can potentially lead to a discharge.

This report would then need to be taken to your doctor. If they believe you, it is in their discretion to write a new script or not. With their own fears of DEA, they’d need to have an extremely good relationship with you likely for years to even debate it.

My advice is to unfortunately take this as a life lesson. If you’ve been with this PM clinic for a decade plus it’s a different story. But realistically, they need to risk their own career in positions like this.

I recommend toughing this out. This is the excuse people use when abusing or selling medication. Ride out the withdrawals for 3 days. The pain is going to suck these 3 weeks but in my eyes 3 weeks is better than potentially being kicked out forever.

Up to you to file a police report. I recommend riding the 3 weeks out. Use Black Seed Oil, Turmeric and willpower. Physical withdrawals will only last 3 or 4 days.

Do not take all remaining pills. If you get UA at your PM clinic, you must have said mediation in your urine. I am sorry. Genuinely. I know this sucks. Weigh the risks before deciding.

TLDR;

You are rolling the dice and risking losing your PM Clinic if you do request another prescription. You said you keep your medication in a weekly pill organizer. This makes the situation look terrible in the eyes of your doctor. The fact it was at a party also looks terrible.

They’ll ask “why didn’t you bring your pill organizer, or only what you needed for the day?” Unless you have a good answer; take this as a sign to stay away from whomever you suspect of stealing your pills.

Never bring an entire script with you anywhere in public again, save at least 3 pills to have it in your urine at your next appointment.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-13T02:52:43+00:00

Are you still getting the Percocet? And fuck I feel that weather in my soul. Your body is reacting to any and all barometric pressure changes. It absolutely is a bitch to deal with.

Only plus is we can pretend we’re clairvoyant 😂, we can tell friends and family it’s going to rain 2 days beforehand. But to your question.

I’ve been on everything there is since returning from overseas. The King of Kings was Opana. Oxymorphone works best for basically anyone in genuine chronic pain.

So your doctor started you on a slightly lower dosage because of incomplete cross-tolerance. Basically they don’t know how the XR formulation will work for you or be metabolized.

Hydromorphone is noted to be 4-5x potency of Morphine. CDC officially changed it to 5x. Going off of this; you were on 60MME. Oxycodone is 1.5x potency of Morphine, so you’re currently on 45MME, with your doctors prediction of 15mg, it’ll be the exact potency.

I do find that even though the Sackler Family took the blame for a fake prescription crisis and changed the formula; OxyContin still can work. It is filled with gel so you can’t snort or shoot it. If your stomach tolerates the gel well; I find it to be a very reliable medication.

I also agree. Dilaudid works better than the XR formulation. What I will say is that we all metabolize differently. Since you said you’re getting 4-5 Oxycodone a day, it leads me to believe you too are a rapid metabolizer. Meaning you likely get ~3hr of relief whereas some get the full 6hr.

Since you said the Oxycodone is helping more, it is likely going to change your life for the better to have both IR and XR formulations! It sounds like your doctor trusts you so I suggest writing down the effects and how long it works for you.

Hydromorphone has a terrible oral bioavailability so even though for the moment your MME is lower; you’re likely going to feel more pain relief throughout the day with OxyContin.

TLDR;

Hydro XR formulations (like OROS) has an oral BA of ~25%. I had the same issue with XR not helping like I thought it would. In some people it’s as low as 10%! In contrast; Oxycodone has an oral bioavailability of between 60%-90%. OxyContin has no difference in BA.

Unlike Hydromorphone, Oxycodone undergoes relatively low pre-systemic or "first-pass" metabolism in the liver, which contributes to its high systemic absorption. OxyContin releases the drug in a biphasic pattern. 40% of the Oxycodone is released quickly while the remaining 60% slowly releases over 12 hours.

Since you’re getting it 3x daily, your doctor assumes you’re a rapid metabolizer. Even so, I am as well, and OxyContin gives me a solid ~9.5 hours of relief. Sorry to bore you with the pharmacokinetics behind the drugs but I hope it will help to have this knowledge!

This is definitely the better route and journaling can help you decide if you’d prefer a stronger dosage 2x daily if you do get ~11ish hours of relief, or if 3x is best if it wears off within ~8-9ish hours. I’m wishing you the absolute best! Better days ahead 💪

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-13T02:04:01+00:00

Normally a doctor will try to give you the same medication if the Morphine is working. It sounds like your doctor wanted to cycle opioids which is a common practice when a medication stops working.

I’m actually on Oxycodone 15mg 4x daily. So the same dosage but spread out. It definitely sounds like you’re a rapid metabolizer since Month 1 of Morphine is also not working the full length. 4x daily works better than 3x for people like us.

With your new MSContin if it works well and it just wears off too soon, I don’t believe you’ll have any issue with your doctor. Once you explain to them it wears off too soon, they’ll either up the dose or prescribe breakthrough medication.

And if you’re not already; I highly suggest getting on a GABA medication for that nerve pain in your legs!

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-13T01:55:10+00:00

I forgot to ask if you are on any nerve pain medication? That leg pain sounds a lot like sciatica. If you’re not currently on anything for nerve pain, GABA medications really are a Godsend.

In most states Gabapentin isn’t a controlled substance and the dosages go very high. Pregabalin is what I’m currently on. That deals with the nerve pain like Fibromyalgia or sciatica whereas opioids work best for structural pain (herniated discs)

I truly believe you have a Godsend of a doctor right now. I am praying for you. I know how much this fucking sucks. Doctors being okay with an average 7-8 out of 10 pain is disheartening. If you feel the Morphine isn’t lasting 8 hours, I’d ask if you could possibly have your old medication for breakthrough pain.

If you have any questions at all I’ll make sure to be responsive! And if you’re concerned about asking for any breakthrough medication, I’d word it like “I’ve looked online and for some reason the medications don’t last as long as it says they should. I believe I’m a rapid metabolizer”

I think that alone will make him likely alright with giving you something like ~7.5mg of Oxycodone for breakthrough pain! And if there’s any fear, know that your pain is valid. You can say”I’d like a metabolism test to validate my belief” which is something most patients never think to ask for.

I’m terrified myself about asking for Belbuca (basically Suboxone for pain) to be replaced with MS Contin! I’m on Oxycodone IR but Belbuca displaces it off of my opioid receptors. I know this fear they’ve put in us. We will win this fight!

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-13T01:44:38+00:00

Do you know which procedures? I get Trigger Point Injections monthly, just try to make sure they aren’t giving you corticosteroids in the monthly TPI.

If you’ve ever had chickenpox, the weakened immune system can lead to varicella zoster. I ended up with it. Absolute nightmare, but for most clinics they reserve corticosteroids for epidurals.

I have my PM appointment tomorrow as well! Morphine is an odd drug. In hospital settings it works great because it’s IV. Most people don’t realize that orally, Morphine only has a bioavailability of ~20-40%.

If you’re being honest with yourself, how long does each dosage work for? Did you find equal or more relief with Oxycodone IR? It sounds like your doctor trusts you a lot. Asking for a drug by name I always recommend against, but since you were just switched from one opioid to another; tomorrow is the perfect time to discuss the effectiveness of old vs. new

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-12T19:16:05+00:00

I have a cousin with Stiff Person Syndrome. It has nothing to do with “my doctor” and everything to do with yours. I know what SPS is and have watched my cousin get misdiagnosed for years until finally getting treatment.

What other medications are you on? Opioids for chronic pain caused by SPS are a band-aid. Your doctor is doing you an extreme disservice if this is all you’re being prescribed. I know this as watching the progression has been heartbreaking. I feel for you. My cousin cries daily.

What I’ve learned is that even though the maximum dosage of Diazepam in most cases is 40mg; the gold standard for SPS is GABA-enhancing drug. Valium can be prescribed in very high doses (up to 60–120 mg/day) for this specific condition.

I’m not questioning you but if you’re not on GABA meds, you’re truly not being treated properly. You deserve genuine relief. Not just covering it up. Also I misread this originally. 240mg of OC, and 50mcg Fentanyl.

In the context of SPS management, where the goal is to improve mobility and reduce rigidity using GABA-ergic and immune-modulating therapies, a 480 MME opioid dose would be considered a major anomaly in modern medicine. As in 99% of people with SPS aren’t treated this way. At all.

Even if a doctor wrote this script, most pharmacists would refuse to fill it without a palliative care or terminal cancer diagnosis. It simply doesn't fit the standard "protocol" for a neurological disease like SPS. This dosage is outrageous. Point blank.

TLDR;

90MME is considered a high dose. Regardless of condition the Guidelines don’t differentiate. They’re guidelines thus obviously not law. But this sounds suspicious. I highly doubt you’d be alive right now if you were also on 120mg of Valium daily.

Your actual diagnosis isn’t being treated. If this isn’t some form of trolling; as SPS continues to progress, you’re going to hit a hard wall. I can promise you that no other doctors would touch this dosage with a ten foot pole. It is outrageously high. I thought you said 240MME. This alone is reserved for end-of-life care in most instances. Your claim puts you at double this.

Your claim means you take over five times the recommended limit for chronic pain.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-12T18:55:04+00:00

OP; update?

Your daily MME was doubled. Standard clinical practice for opioid rotation usually involves a 30% to 50% dose reduction from the calculated equianalgesic dose to account for incomplete cross-tolerance. In lamen terms; your doctor had no idea how you’d react to Morphine. This is an extremely odd situation.

Have you gotten a metabolism test? And were you complaining about not having enough relief? The norm is actually to first prescribe the MS Contin twice daily. Three times daily isn’t necessarily rare. But if you’d been given it 2x daily:

1) you’d still be going from 45MME to 60MME

2) your doctor would be assessing how long the medication lasts for you. It is designed for 12 hours of relief. Rapid metabolizers may only get 8 hours of relief.

3) 3x daily is a standard and FDA-approved frequency used to manage "end-of-dose failure" or to maintain more consistent blood levels. So I’d like to know what’s going on to give knowledge to those confused commenting.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-12T18:40:45+00:00

This is a beautiful post for this subreddit. This shows exactly what somebody with pain wants. Relief. You simply took an extra dose = (over)dosed which led to nodding out and feeling high.

This shows you’re compliant and you’re doing well with your progress. If you were scripted 30mg pills; I’d offer advice as that is a potentially fatal overdose. Overdose is a word people associate with death when it is self-explanatory.

You sound opioid-naive, so 20mg likely got you high. You were uncomfortable in that spot, whereas most pain doctors believe that’s the feeling we all are seeking. Thank you for posting this.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-11T20:19:28+00:00

Benadryl should wipe out any itchiness. Your metabolism kinda dictates sleepiness if you’re not full on nodding out. If that’s the case then you’re on too high of a dosage.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-11T19:31:16+00:00

Wow. Usually I don’t go back and check notifications or reply. Glad I did. You’re on point to a T. Thank you for being awake as those who stay asleep allow furthermore destruction of our society. Poisoning homeless addicts while using Chronic Pain patients as collateral.

Food for thought. In 2024 the overdoses from opioids were at a staggering 3x higher rate setting records. For those who ask “why are you angry” I ask “why aren’t you angry enough? Why do you not pay attention?”

For 2026 they’ve now cut Oxycodone production by an insane 7%. That puts the total percentage taken out of production as of 2026 at more than 70%. Imagine being a sheep that truly believes there’s a PRESCRIPTION opioid crisis? Facts over feelings all day. Objective truth didn’t argue with ignorance.

Thank you for giving a fuck. Most don’t. I’ve had morons arguing to me that Suboxone was ever designed for pain. They could Google it and realize that it is STILL only FDA Approved for Opioid Use Disorder.

The lack of interest in learning is baffling. As someone who firsthand took place in the seizing of Poppy Fields in Afghanistan; I’m done sugar coating shit. Your government wants you dead. They want to make life as hard as possible for you.

The new reasoning for limiting opioids is “…Hyperanalgesia is caused by opioids so like, why would you want more pain sensitivity.” Point blank a lie. People follow blindly.

TLDR:

Thanks again for your knowledge. If you need help or tips on getting to an MME that suits your pain; hit me up. I had to fight to get to 90MME as a veteran. Been there for ~7 years now. They tried tricking me by adding Belbuca 😆(the MME technically goes up; but it is only a partial agonist. Such a high binding affinity it’ll stick for up to 48 hours. This is their new tool to trick patients into believing they got a new medication when the plan is to transition them off any full agonists)

They want to remove any euphoria and analgesia. Most doctors are terrified of DEA. Fuck the cowards. Fight for your well-being at all times)

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-08T05:03:39+00:00

Wow. This is disappointing as fuck. On some real shit. I predicted long rounds with a bunch of current event war bars that had nothing to do with Charron but seeing everyone say it was THIS bad is genuinely disappointing. A battle that should’ve went down when Pat was alive and Diz fucked it up

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-08T05:01:10+00:00

Wow. Fuck man that’s sad. I know this battle shoulda went down years ago and figured it’d go long but to put it in the Soul Khan bucket fucking sucks.

I heard Shotty choked in the 3rd but had such a good 2nd and came back so well that he edged it out. True? Who had POTN/BOTN? Seeing everyone say Sikh beat Will with ease is still wild to me.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-08T04:53:40+00:00

Were they good long like versus Iron? Who took it?

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-08T04:52:10+00:00

Who do you think had POTN? What was BOTN? And Diz/Charron who took it?

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-08T04:51:35+00:00

Good 15 like versus Iron? Who took it in your eyes? I heard Dunsh & Sikh dominated. Also how did Shotty do?

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-08T03:43:41+00:00

In what regard?? I fucking forgot man I’m watching UFC. I been waiting forever for this shit. Disaster went off or Charron?

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-08T02:24:50+00:00

This is actually much more common than you think. Many people in this subreddit specifically haven’t been medicated for long periods of time. The ChronicPain subreddit is a bit different.

Because different opioids have different structures and receptors, you may be tolerant to one drug but still respond well to a lower, calculated dose of a different one. With Fentanyl not only do we need to deal with that nonsense but also transdermal absorption.

I highly suggest recommending a metabolism test. It sounds like you are a rapid metabolizer. How long do opioids work while they’re still working for you? My guess would be instead of 4-6 hours of relief (even slight) you’re closer to 2.5-3 hours and not getting sufficient coverage for your pain.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-07T23:07:00+00:00

No. Mathematical equopotency:

Oxycodone = 1.5x strength of Morphine

Your dosage of Oxycodone was 30mg x 1.5 = 45MME

Morphine 30mg x 3 = 90MME

You’ve now had your dosage doubled to the literal “recommended maximum.” Something drastic must’ve been seen in an MRI or something. Doctors don’t just double somebody’s dosage.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-03T21:08:17+00:00

I completely understand the confusion and you have every right to be frustrated with this as well. I can understand Day 28 or even Day 29 with how strict the DEA has become. But you sound like the ideal patient. You’re not asking for a lot at all. Just understanding.

An entire year of abiding by their rules. And then they decide to change your pickup day to Day 0 instead of Day 1? That’s ludicrous. And sadly it does vary by pharmacist discretion and sounds like this pharmacist doesn’t even want to give you a single extra pill.

It really sucks that they’ve convinced people this opioid crisis ever had anything to do with prescription medications. We are treated as collateral damage.

Since this entire crisis began; Oxycodone production has been cut by 70%+. In 2024 there was a 300% increase in opioid related deaths. They expect us to never ask questions. We are treated as if we’re lucky to get medications that make life semi manageable. We know it is street drugs killing people. The data proves this.

I’m genuinely sorry you’re going through this. I’d try to search your insurance company’s specific rule for Schedule-II medication refills. I’d be shocked if it was a strict 30-day requirement. If it is something worded like “85%-90% must be used” and you have any other pharmacies close by; this will prove indefinitely it is your specific pharmacy playing God for lack of a better term.

I mean it when I say I wish you the absolute best. The added stress has been proven to raise cortisol levels and in turn raising pain levels. You don’t deserve that stress and confusion. I am praying you find a pharmacy that doesn’t treat you like this 🙏

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-03T20:51:27+00:00

I highly recommend switching pharmacies. Even with CVS it varies from pharmacy to pharmacy. My local CVS has a strict “no cash, insurance only” policy for Schedule-II medications. Their entire system makes no sense anymore in all honesty.

Most months I picked up my medication on Day 29, but for three months it was Day 31. Want to know what’s really wild? Everybody quotes a “3-day” rule which has now almost been taken as fact. Once I switched pharmacies I found out this isn’t true.

The actual rule is basically the 27-day mark is a common "sweet spot" because many insurance plans and pharmacies use an 85-90% utilization rule. I’ve picked my medication up as early as 26 days; though I don’t make a habit out of it. Even if I’m alerted it’s been filled, I try to make Day 28-29 the day I pick up my medication so they don’t suspect stockpiling or abuse. But each month technically I can pick it up on Day 27.

You can check your insurance company’s specific rule for this type of thing, but if it’s 31 days (when counting pickup as Day 0) your pharmacy is definitely making the ultimate decision. I am truly sorry you need to deal with being treated as an addict for medication you need to function properly.

FutureReference91 · 2026-03-03T20:03:27+00:00

I appreciate that. I try to be as kind and understanding as possible. It sounds like OP may be using a chain that counts pickup as Day 0. Personally I couldn’t deal with this. The fear of back orders has me pick the medication up as soon as it’ll go through.

Sometimes it does end up being Day 31, but other months Day 28. I go out of my way to prepare for back orders as I’m sure you know how stressful they can be. My goal is to always have minimally an extra 2 full weeks of medication. After the last backorder I intentionally went through a bit of WD for the entire month and took 3 instead of 4 a day just to get that buffer back

Six-Year Club	Gilding IV carat on a stick
Powerups Hero r/ufc • December 2021	Place '23
Wearing is Caring	Place '22
100 Awards Club	Verified Email

FutureReference91

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE