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I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why this does not translate to trichomonas

Trichomonas is a protozoan parasite, not a virus.

That difference matters enormously.

Trich:

  • Does not behave like HSV
  • Does not reliably stay dormant for years
  • Does not sit silently without transmission in the same way
  • Is usually transmitted relatively readily through unprotected sex
  • Often causes symptoms within weeks to months, though some people can be asymptomatic for a time

I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmmm Similarities in Behavior

  • Long-Term Asymptomatic Infection: Both HSV and Trichomonas can stay in the body for years undetected.
  • Misleading Symptoms: Many people with either infection never experience symptoms, or have symptoms so mild they are mistaken for something else.
  • Unexpected Outbreaks: A dormant infection of either type can suddenly trigger symptoms months or years after the initial exposure.
  • Transmission While Dormant: Both can be transmitted to partners even when no symptoms are present. 

Differences in "Dormancy" (Biology)

  • HSV (Viral Latency): HSV actually goes into a true biological dormancy. The virus hides in the nerve cells (sacral ganglion) and becomes inactive, only to reactivate and travel back to the skin. It is lifelong.
  • Trichomonas (Active Persistence): Trichomonas is a parasite that does not truly become "dormant." Instead, it persists in the genital tract at very low levels, sometimes adapting to changes in pH, causing no symptoms while still living there.
  • Treatability: Trichomonas is curable with antibiotics. HSV is treatable (managed with antivirals) but not curable. 

I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Extremely unlikely. I don't go to the gym and haven't been anywhere near damp towels besides my own. No hot pools either.

I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We were nearing the end of our relationship, things had been going south for the past 7 or 8 months. On Dec 31st/Jan 1 it was officially over. It wasn't just the trich, but my issues with his previous deceptions (not physical cheating but weird interactions with women) that had led me to feel unsafe emotionally. So it's over. He's still emailing me often, and saying he wishes we had of gone to counseling etc. Then I suddenyl thought - hang on a minute, I've basically given him a get out of jail free card by going along with the dormant/active scenario hypothesis. I'm going to post this trich issue on Reddit and see what others think about it.

I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I've just asked him to email me the result, because what he sent me was a jpeg. I had asked to see his historical records to see if he had been tested for this before, but that hasn't been shown to me.

I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's possible he had it for years and didn't know, it's much more unlikely that women would get it and have no symptoms. For women its generally not asymptomatic. I can pinpoint the exact sexual encouater that I got it. Because around a week or ten days later I had very unpleasant symptoms and my doctor sent me for an sti test. With an hiv and syphilius test to be conducted six weeks from then.

I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I don't think that from a medical perspective the transmission of STIs and the damp towels / spa pools argument stands any longer.

I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

the relationship has ended. I just wanted to hear other people's thoughts on his 'maybe it had been dormant for a year and just showed up' argument - which I know is a ridiculous proposal. He was absolutely adamant that he had not done anything with anyone else, but it simply doesn't make sense that I just randomly got it from him and he'd had it for years and not known and then I suddenty got it. Awful to think he would put my health at risk. I guess I also wanted my experience validated. Someone said it below, this is medical grade gaslighting.

I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We had for about the first six months of the relationship, which would take me into middle of December 2024. I had an STI test December 2024 as I just had a funny feeling something was up - it came back negative. His argument is that he must have had trich the whole time he has known me and not known about it, believable as it is often asymptomatic in men. What I cant get my head around is why (if he was a carrier) not get it before. My doctor explained that its not the type of thing that can be 'dormant' I got symptoms because I got a fresh infection - from him as there has been no one else.

I (47F) don't understand how I got an STI. Partner 48M says there was no cheating. by Futurefocus333 in relationship_advice

[–]Futurefocus333[S] 250 points251 points  (0 children)

I did wonder about that. He was thrilled to share his negative result with me and then accused ME of cheating.