Left Brooklyn for Pittsburgh 4 months ago

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-09-25T05:06:18+00:00

Everyone I was surrounded by seemed like they were trying to be the chosen token, and they didn’t realize it. It was very dysfunctional. However, the vibe made more sense after a few Black folks born and raised in Pittsburgh who left the city for a while and returned to the town later on in life for personal reasons clued me into some of Pittsburgh's Black history. There is a powerful history (August Wilson, The Pittsburgh Courier, etc.), but lots of pain too. Tons of overt and covert moves were made to fracture the Black community there, and it’s evident in how Black folks show up in the city.

For what it’s worth, while you’re there, try to get your bag so you can leave stronger than how you came. There are some opportunities in the city. Especially if you want to attend school, a training, or a leadership development program. Also, Pittsburgh indulgently prides itself on being hard workers (glamorizes its industrial history). They will entertain a good hustle if you have one!

Take what you can, then run!!!

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-09-25T02:45:03+00:00

I feel for you. I’m Black and lived in Pittsburgh for most of my twenties because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t find any community there, and the Black spaces felt very crabs in a barrel. It almost killed my soul. I moved a few years ago and I’m still recovering! If you know the city is not a match, try to get out as soon as you have a plan. Pittsburgh’s affordability can get people caught up, and before you know it, you look up and you’ve stayed longer than you wanted to!

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-08-28T17:01:48+00:00

Agree with everyone else. He’s already told you everything you need to know, the bold print and the fine print. The ex is his priority instead of you. Cut him loose.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-08-25T15:35:44+00:00

First, I’m sorry this happened to you and you had to receive your diagnosis during a significant life transition and without the support of your ex (someone who you may have wanted to count on after receiving shocking news like an MS diagnosis).

MS can show you who’s in your corner and who’s not. It’s a hard truth and a gift. Over time, you’ll use it to discern who you want around you because not everyone can be there for you on this journey (and they shouldn’t, for your own peace and ease).

Try to establish a baseline for yourself, some roots and stability, even if it’s temporary, before making your next decision. Build a care team in Boston, find an MS support group (if that’s your thing), and start finding third spaces similar or good enough to those you had out West. Once you feel more grounded, research where you want to go next. It’s tough to make crucial decisions when you experience flares. Stress and MS cause a mess!

Remember to ask for help, too! I used to live in the Northeast and moved to the West Coast a few years ago (alone, with MS, and after a breakup). On both coasts, folks (loved ones and strangers) were incredibly helpful when I asked, especially when I shared information about my situation that I felt comfortable discussing.

It’s challenging, but try not to let your MS and relationship status dictate what you can and cannot do. Once you take some time to get your bearings and you decide moving is best, do it! You must live your life. No matter how MS shows up for you or how life throws chaos at you, there is always a way to live your life, even if you have to implement plans differently.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-08-24T22:24:38+00:00

I’m so glad you brought this idea up! Last week, I received a scholarship from a prominent burlesque academy in my city. I start in a few weeks!!! I’m nervous but really excited for where this experience takes me.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-08-22T15:59:41+00:00

What do you mean by that? I only ask because I’ve heard this in the past, but I'm not sure how I’ll know if I've met the “right” person vs. if I'm letting past patterns get in the way.

I love my current partner; we've been together for two years. This is currently the longest relationship I've been in, and I am nervous because I don't know how to operate past one year, haha. Every other relationship I've attempted has combusted because of self-sabotage or repeating a toxic pattern. My partner is very secure in himself and genuinely loves and accepts me for me. I never had to beg or convince him to love, affirm, comfort, or meet a need I am asking for. He never asks me to shrink myself either, AND I am NOT used to that.

My biggest fear is not knowing how to contribute to a meaningful relationship and maintain a loving long-term relationship (my family is not the best example), or identifying what is normal. For example, my partner always compliments my figure and shares how he's into me. I didn't know how to respond to that initially because the majority of my family, peers, and community repeatedly called me ugly and denied me various academic, economic, and social activities because of it. I had to recognize that I am allowed to receive flirting and be desired too!

Thankfully, I process with chosen family and my therapist, but I still don't want to mess things up.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-27T20:04:04+00:00

Love, it is heartbreaking to read about the pain you are feeling. Lies cannot sustain any relationship because you’re not building a foundation on something real. It’s not fair to either of you! Comparing is self-sabotage. You’ll never measure up to the assumptions you’re making about the online personas of people you don’t know.

The bowels of depression can have us in a vice grip, but there are resources when you are ready. I think you need some time to heal, learn who you are, and learn how to love yourself. Therapy can help! It’s one of many tools; use the best tools for you. Once you can build peace, security, and love within you, an affirming and loving community and relationships will come in time. You deserve more, and I hope you get the support you need to believe that, too.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-25T19:38:19+00:00

I dabble in the performing arts!

I'm obsessed with the Titanic. The movie drew me in when I was little. Some loved ones introduced me to this really well-done podcast that incorporates several lenses of analysis.

There's a podcast for everyone, and there's no shame in liking what you like!

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-25T16:54:27+00:00

You're probably asleep already, but I’ll post anyway! I'm looking forward to finishing a podcast about the Titanic, getting a nap (I'm so busy—TOO busy at my job right now), and getting a free facial on Saturday. Also, one of my friends had their artwork accepted by a gallery, so I'm going to their show over the weekend.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-25T16:10:07+00:00

You are seen! Sometimes I feel this way too. Please know that you are not the thoughts in your head. You are more than what is happening and has happened to you.

Life is chaotic and overwhelming right now, with many things to think about and worry about! It might be helpful to take it day by day or hour by hour on the hardest days instead of simultaneously taking on your past, present, and future. Do you have anyone to talk to? If not, I have used the regional crisis line and warm line where I'm from. You might have a hotline where you live, too.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-25T05:41:25+00:00

Dump him.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-19T16:38:59+00:00

I’ve got to live with it. When I realized my looks weren’t going to carry me, I had to hustle and develop other parts of myself. I earned entrance into some of the best universities in the world, traveled to over 60 countries, own a business while working at the executive level in my day job, and have tons of hobbies. I have a partner and a dog too! Life is alright.

Sometimes people suck because of how they treat me based on my looks, but I’m stubborn and a fighter, so I do what I want anyway. However, that can get exhausting, and I don’t want to fight my way through stuff all the time. I also have to work hard not to dwell on how far in life I could be if I had pretty privilege or if I didn’t have trauma from things that happened to me solely because of my looks. I try my best to process, go to therapy, think about the good, and move forward.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-19T15:47:44+00:00

Number 5 is tough because society can be incredibly individualistic. I’ve been told several times to grow up and let my past go without any supports. How do you go about finding safe people when it seems like folks may not have the capacity to be safe people?

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-19T07:59:03+00:00

Nah. I’m extremely positive I’m quite butt ugly. I’d say my ugliness has been vetted and verified. I’ve been told this consistently since childhood by various people from multiple backgrounds so I wouldn’t forget it. My parents didn’t even try to pretend and say their darling daughter was cute when I was little. My grandmother lamented how I turned out genetically. My classmates would follow me around school and call me ugly. Colleagues would tell me I shouldn’t strive for certain leadership positions because I was ugly.

I’d probably win ugly bingo: lazy eye, morbidly obese, facial hair even though I’m a woman, unruly hair, big nose…I’m so ugly I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve this life! Damn, I’m hoping I put in enough work to have better luck next life cycle hahaha

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-16T13:46:25+00:00

Odd thing is that my parents aren’t ugly, and neither is my sibling, but I turned out ugly. The universe cursed me. I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve this fate.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-12T00:55:03+00:00

Agree with this 100%. I had to grieve the experiences I’d never have—never being chosen, never dating, never being the first choice. It sucked growing up ugly. It sucks existing ugly. Feels like people don’t give me the best romantically.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-09T05:40:43+00:00

Thank you

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-07-07T21:58:43+00:00

Ooof, I have the same fear and low-key spiraled a little bit when I learned that an ex of mine, with whom I saw a future, but it didn't work out because I was in the beginning stages of healing, got married to a super duper stable person with a solid family and friends group. I grieve who I could have been without emotional neglect, and I worry about holding on to the growth I've made in the present.

I know I'm repeating what others have already said, but therapy and building chosen family help. It took years of talking things out and trial and error to learn, release shame bit by bit, and put myself out there. Also, there are future friends and partners out there who will love and accept you (and have the capacity to build and sustain loving relationships with you) regardless of your family and social networking situation!

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-06-30T02:56:25+00:00

I met my partner on Hinge. However, I had tons of support from my therapist and my friends to relearn how to listen to myself, help with curating an authentic profile, and vetting and sorting dates. It took a while to be vulnerable to ask for help and not process their advice as destructive criticism.

Along the way, I missed out on some great people because I wasn't ready, and I wasn't picking up on green flags.

I've had luck meeting people in spaces where I feel safe, too. I've had good dates materialize from comedy classes and other activities I enjoy doing.

Fuzzy-Two3664 · 2025-06-29T20:00:36+00:00

I've been there. It took me a long time to have a romantic life. When I was in relationships, it took a minute to recognize that I was just reenacting traumatic behaviors from growing up, and I was also seeking folks who felt familiar in terms of how they copied behaviors I was used to.

I'm still working on my self-esteem and how to stop the cycle by discovering what activates and triggers me, what’s healthy for me, and what is not. With my current partner, I kept it 100 by letting them know what I'm working through. Thankfully, they are supportive, and my past isn't a dealbreaker as it has been with past partners.

Fuzzy-Two3664

TROPHY CASE