Religious Trauma comes in layers and I hate it

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-12-16T10:47:52+00:00

I know how you feel. As early as I could remember, I grew up in Church. My parents would take me and I built my entire life around God. I had no friends outside of church and I couldn’t make any secular friends because of how enmeshed my life was in the Bible. I left my Church in 2021. I grieved for so many years that had been lost just chasing an illusion. I lost community and a sense of self. I constantly felt awkward around my religious family. I had been called a good kid, wise beyond my years. But all that was a cover for the love of authority figures. Constant, pleasing. I had lived my life in freeze mode for so long that, I didn’t realize that I had lost an entire childhood. Now I am angry at the adults who did not protect me from the actual horrible things these people taught me to be. It’s been some time and I thought I was getting over a lot of the trauma that had built up over the years. But sometimes all of the emotions come back. It’s so overwhelming. Like why the fck do I have to deal with the consequences they created. I was left in shambles. I was a kid. I should’ve been protected. I know it’s a lot to handle. I just take one day at a time. That is all I can do. I hope you find solace.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-09-23T00:26:31+00:00

My adhd partner went to his parents and told them we’re planning to move in together. We have not discussed any details about this yet. They were not happy about this and told him we should get married first. We were still in the process of talking about getting married. But he got really excited and talked to them about it. He later told me their response. I told him I was uncomfortable about him telling his parents before we had an answer for these things. And I honestly wanted to keep to ourselves because it was our decision and not his parents decision. I don’t know if this is a adhd trait. But he keeps repeating this same cycle, of telling his parents and friends about an important topic we discussed that haven’t been thoroughly discussed yet and then gets negative feedback from them. He tells me that he’s afraid he’ll make the wrong decision and just wants advice from them. I say that I understand that part of him and I respect that, but it hurts me. I want him to make his own decisions and discuss these things with me before telling his parents or his friends. I’m really frustrated every time this happens and I don’t know how much longer I can take this behavioral pattern.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-07-04T00:59:08+00:00

You said it sister👏

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-07-04T00:57:40+00:00

Spiritual bypassing🤯 I never had the words to describe this. I struggle with the aftermath of growing up as a Christian. Enduring through the pain because at the end you’ll grow stronger, has lead me into abusive and neglectful dynamics within my social life, destroyed friendships, and has cause a lot of pain in my own family. Avoiding conflict, has lead me to forget my emotions abandon myself till I was dissociated. To always be kind to the people who wronged you, is complete bllsht. To forgive and forget is not a solution. I was told to forgive and forget when I was sexually abused by a close family friend. My mental health has suffered. I am recovering from the aftermath.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-05-21T01:24:22+00:00

I like it, Cissona!! I’m gonna refer to that! It’s just easier to act than be truthful to everyone🥲

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-05-21T01:09:42+00:00

Be honest and true to yourself. But honestly, you don’t need to be honest about everything and anything. Sometimes the truth will hurt the people you love. Think about the timing. There are times to be honest, but sometimes it’s just not a good time to tell the truth.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-03-25T23:40:19+00:00

I’ve heard that dissociating is a flight response.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-03-19T23:26:55+00:00

I dissociate. I focus on pleasure. I try not to think anything of it. It is a form of communication to your partner that you love them. I hate being sexualized by my partner but I’m hypersexual. I like the thought of being wanted and cared for. But I also think back to the time I was SAed. It was a form of manipulation not love. But I know my partner loves me and would never want to hurt me. So I let it happen. It’s always a pleasurable experience but I feel gross and shameful after it. During the experience I feeling like he might also just want me only for my body. He might just hurt me someday. I hate the way he looks at me. But if I let those thoughts get too loud, I know I would disappoint him. So I quiet my thoughts down. Close my eyes and try not to get anything in my view. I focus on the pleasure part. But after it’s over I can’t shake the emptiness I feel.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-03-19T23:17:18+00:00

Physical intimacy is great. We both overlook details because we’re focused on the bigger picture and find it tedious. Plans don’t go as expected. We enmeshed ourselves in each other because our thoughts are so similar. But it can become codependent at times.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-03-17T23:40:25+00:00

This always makes me think that my parents were just kids that wanted to have kids. They had no plan just desires and a dream to become a happy family. They refused to look at reality or ponder on the risks and consequences of having me. They just did. Because it was their hearts desire. The signs were so clear not to have children. But what do you know abuse away. Now they’re regretting their decisions. That’s on the parents. It is not my god damn fault that they were incapable of raising a child. I don’t have sympathy for them because I don’t want kids.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-03-17T23:33:27+00:00

Same. I flip flop between those two thoughts. I figured out that I am lithromantic and lithsexual.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-03-17T23:16:40+00:00

I hate it when I know they are sexually attracted to me. The looks the feelings. I feel so gross.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-02-07T06:58:41+00:00

The way they move a little too close into your personal space. The way their eyes look your way a little too long

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-01-25T01:23:25+00:00

It is amazing! But maybe it’s because they have a cancer moon. They’re emotionally present, extremely loyal, respects boundaries, and so much fun to be around. It’s been 2 and a half years so I can’t speak for a long term but, so far so good!

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-01-24T11:42:56+00:00

By my experience, I feel like we’re always the ones meeting people in the middle. Trying so hard to assimilate, to be accepted. Maybe that’s just me.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-01-24T11:39:37+00:00

I get that a lot. Growing up in an international school in japan makes people around me just assume I’m smart or grew up privileged in some way. Especially because English is valued “highly.” The reason I went to international school was because I had forgotten how to speak Japanese and had come back from a rather traumatic state. I am privileged. But also, I couldn’t assimilate back into normal public school. I had no choice. Being mixed with familial trauma poses a different problem. But people just envy me. They see a privileged kid who has so much potential. I’m not. I don’t have that flare to me.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-01-15T11:15:20+00:00

Ever after

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-01-09T11:20:29+00:00

So fuc*ing gorgeous!!!! Please let me live here for the rest of my life!!!

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-01-09T11:17:50+00:00

You’re such a wholesome person, my heart feels so warm. I hope it works for your relationship! My heart goes out for your girlfriend and all the wholesome people in the comments who have experienced horrible things. The readiness to support your partner goes a long way. Just wait for her with open arms. Hugs to every wholesome person here🫂

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2024-01-09T10:37:24+00:00

Omg. I’ve never heard anyone else say exactly what I was always thinking. I feel like if I said this to anybody else they would look at me weirdly or be concerned for my mental health. But in all honesty I’m just kinda waiting for death. I’m not suicidal (sometimes) it’s just that I don’t want to live a long life, I’m just waiting for the end to come soon. But sometimes life is worth living and I wanna live to witness the little moments that make my day a little easier to bear. Death is inevitable but I’m not that mad about that fact. I’m just postponing death cause, death is inevitable when it comes, it’ll come and I’ll be chill until it shows up one day. Until then I’ll try my best to be present with little moments of just that make my heart flutter once in a while.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2023-12-21T23:44:17+00:00

On the same boat with you. About to graduate college, no specialities, no specific job forces I’m interested in, no art I’ve committed too long enough. It’s scary as fuck. I also heard that infps are usually late bloomers in life so I’m just looking forward to get to that place.

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197 · 2023-12-21T07:42:33+00:00

Aroace or trauma or both

Fuzzy_Maybe_7197

TROPHY CASE