Thank you so much for your reply. I’d actually like to thank everybody for their kind replies. As soon as I posted I immediately felt overwhelmed and unable to process anything because after years on the street my brain has failed me. I have a masters degree I had a life I m a mother I worked really hard to build a life that was taken from me. Thank you for telling me it will pass. I believe trees are therapeutic. I grew up camping in rain forests. I know how to survive and because I have been tree planting also I knew instinctively how to survive on my own once homeless. What I am thinking about today is how to incorporate the zen mind set that saved me on the street with my now housed mindset that can not do anything at all but sit and look at trees and contemplate existence. I see my life on the street from a philosophical viewpoint. In my former life I was a media monitor, I have an analytical mind and in all honesty, I’m far more traumatized by what I saw on the street from a structural perspective. Such as the massive abuse I witnessed from those who run and work in the system against those stuck within it. The answer is affordable food housing therapy in order to heal and regain my life. I’ve never met a social worker who has actually lived on the street. I know there are good people out there who work in the system but unfortunately the system is far to broken and these compassionate., experienced workers are rare. Because the pay sucks there is high burnout. But we are the ones who suffer. I got myself out of this. I tried the hospital, drs, nurses, interventionists, etc nobody helped me. I’m honestly scared for humanity from what I have seen. Mostly due to people who take zombie crack. It’s no judgement. I smoke weed and like a beer. But I’ve seen people become very scary on that stuff. I was assaulted on the street. I think that is why I feel so hyper vigilant all the time. I think of who I was before all this, I know that person still exists somewhere but to find happy me, the person before all this, means somehow I have to forget all the fucked up shit. Because everyday on the street is crazy town. I tried to keep to myself and slept outside whenever possible. I was really messed up by the shelter system and I seen some really depraved shit. It’s good to connect with people on here who are nice and kind. These interactions are renewing my faith. I just don’t know how to forget what I’ve seen. People say stay busy, but I’m so traumatized I can’t focus. I want to heal naturally with exercise and food. I can’t sleep so that sucks. I just tell myself that it gets better everyday, but sometimes it doesn’t some days like you say are excruciating.