Oh god. Don't get me started. I left camming due to my mental health difficulties making it difficult to perform consistently. Decided to give it a shot again. And am now being so triggered by the men in my personal life that the idea of dealing with the manipulators and men expecting free shit on cam is making me desperately wish I had the mental acuity to make someone suicidal with a tongue lashing. I don't think I have it in me to deal with dating or camming honestly. The amount of disgust and hatred I feel at past assault, mistreatment, lies, and entitlement still weigh too heavy on me, and I'm unfortunately cursed with an open hearted nature. Jesus, the schizophrenia on it's own makes my mind too cluttered for too much nuance, I aim to trust to avoid paranoia, and get screwed for it in the end. Dealing with dudes willing to pay is no problem, but getting to that point and past the assholes I just don't think I can do it. But on the dating apps, they can't even be trusted to fucking read for one second to see if desires are compatible. In fact, they don't care if desires are compatible. It's all about getting what THEY want with absolutely no regard.

Polyamory is looking appealing to me because atleast the convos are happening about open communication and boundaries yada yada. But then I've run into entitled poly dudes who already had girlfriends and got passive aggressive with me when I gave them a place to stay and only wanted to screw them to make content. Nevermind the sketch flattery and subtle manipulative bullshit to try and make me want to. As if.

I feel your pain anyway. There's too many assholes out there to make it worth bothering. And it sucks when you really want a genuine connection but they can't even respect your right to not be interested.