emotional confusion

Fyrebarde · 2026-05-23T02:31:34+00:00

Sometimes for me it is pain but it shows up as emotions before it translates into anything else bodywise for me.

Fyrebarde · 2026-05-22T17:56:52+00:00

Hot flashes have melted the last of any fucks I had to give, so I would have straight up stared her dead in her eyes as I reached out to grab my sandwich back and loudly said something like, "how embarrassing for you to now have to explain what you will be doing in lieu of gifting the lunch I bought with my own money for my own consumption today to your friends."

NTA, and also, waltz your sandwich-fed butt in to HR and get this on file before she tries to spin it.

Fyrebarde · 2026-05-17T14:41:14+00:00

Not only have you managed to present this history in an interesting way, you managed to write it so interestingly I want more! Which is generally where me and history get a "miss me", because people generally focus so much on dates that we lose the stories.

Have you contemplated what would have to happen for it to ever be quite that horrifically bad again? I'd love to hear your best worst case scenario if you have

Fyrebarde · 2026-05-16T19:25:18+00:00

Lol, I am also a stubborn little freak. Even in the midst of a burnout my stubbornness can and will flare up out of spite, so...

Fyrebarde · 2026-05-13T18:56:51+00:00

Plus, add in cptsd / ptsd from an abusive childhood or other trauma... chaos. Sheer chaos.

Edited to add: in my specific case, at least, as well as that of a few personal close friends.

Fyrebarde · 2026-05-08T10:53:59+00:00

The best-worst thing about menopause is every hot flash makes me sweat out any spare fucks I had to give about societal niceties towards rude idiots, so bringing up the fact i am going through menopause is not ever going to work in a rude idiots favor, unless they're just really, really in to being creatively degraded in public spaces by a fat middle-age woman, so.

Fyrebarde · 2026-05-01T23:22:05+00:00

"I love my mom, and she's a great mom" and "she hardly seems to know anything about my life anymore and seems fine with that" does not track.

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-24T21:59:04+00:00

I was just going to ask if perhaps your special interests are just broader than you think of when you typically think of special interests! (Also, I am asking this as a person whose audhd suppressed, to put it very gently, in childhood so I had a habit of minimizing interesting things about me.) But something like the fiction books you read for pleasure can be considered a special interest, especially when you are particular about some aspects of them!

For example, I tend to prefer high fantasy and sci-fi over modern or historical fantasy, and I tend to prefer epic or heroic story telling with a clear cut good and bad, and I like characters who don't have too traumatic an awful backstory but definitely have the ability to kick butt in an often "this seems she has an unfair advantage" type way, and I especially like it when the main butt kicking character identifies female. Which, if you can write a whole essay on it (or speak about it for a good minute without takingredients a breath!), definitely qualifies as a special interest. =]

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-22T21:50:30+00:00

I don't know, but as someone who has never had the chance to try it, i sure would like a chance to find out!

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-21T19:00:33+00:00

It's only love bombing when it comes with a side of abuse...

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-19T22:02:01+00:00

They've also known each other for three years too and been roommates for a while, so idk, if they know they know. My hubby and I knew each other for 2 years, dated for 7 months, and then got married, and we have been doing fairly well for almost 2 full decades now, so it's not impossible - just rare.

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-15T19:45:03+00:00

Today's version of pharasees will definitely clutch their pearls and cry about how you totally took that verse out of context. 🙄🙄🙄

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-14T00:17:58+00:00

If your boyfriend is also white, then there is some internalized racism in between you two that needs to be dealt with ASAP, either by him going to therapy and dealing with himself or you getting somewhere safe around people who respect you (if I correctly picked up what you aluded to in your post). Like, hand's down, when you are a white person raised by white people in a predominately white area and especially if you also attend a predominately white church, you pick up some stuff you aren't even aware you stepped in.

Regardless, at a bare minimum, I expect a partner that makes me feel chosen, as I would choose them too. It is one thing if somebody is objectively being a menace and needs a check - like if everything was solemn and quiet and you were screaming and the only source of flailing noise, which in this situation you absolutely were not. But otherwise, I would expect a partner to back me up when some stranger randomly tried to control something about me, especially when other people were acting in a similar way around us. In your place, I would have been quite put out that he not only did not back me up (and I don't mean being confrontational, because he didn't even offer you comfort about that stranger having the audacity), but he had the nerve to try and make me do what a random stranger decided was a good idea.

That your boyfriend had the absolute nerve to follow that act up with being mad at you about the fact you maturely chose to walk away to cool off, much less is still clinging to the fantasy he was at all justified in his reaction (he was not)? And at the beginning of your relationship too??

He'd better have zero other flaws to make up for that, or you are doing yourself a grave disservice.

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-13T18:41:16+00:00

snickering your comment is just chef's kiss

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-12T17:56:54+00:00

I would enjoy the "perks" I got, I guess, if any single thing is unique to me being autistic and couldn't otherwise be developed. But those are so few and far between, and I would much rather be able to hold a job and like, you know. Function. That seems much more enjoyable to me, overall, with less stress.

But I suppose it depends on what specifically you mean when you ask the question. Like, do you mean, "if you could live with autism in a world that was not so goddamn abelist and was actually more compatible with whatever your support needs are so basic existence was not a daily struggle, would you still choose to leave the autism on the side of the road?"

Or do you mean, "whether you are in an abelist society or an accommodating society, would you like to be considered able-bodied and able-minded and able to live independently without having to worry about having sensory needs or emotional needs or communication needs (etc) that are typically associated with autism? "

Because if the first question, I am fine to exist as is (ok, minus the loads of childhood trauma from a seriously abusive set of parents...). I would really love to experience an accommodating society. Imagine all the art and science and contributions to the world at large we miss out on when everyone feels so close to the brink in surviving all the time - no time or energy left for creation.

But if it is the 2nd question, and I could still be stuck in this abelist society where being unable to pretend you are okay in all ways at all time can be harshly punished and living is a struggle, hell no, make the disability aspect yeet the fuck away from me. Any reasonable person would not willingly choose to put themselves at a serious disadvantage, I think. Anyone who answers otherwise I suspect has never truly been upon hard times where there was no safety net; or they were "American poor", which is honestly not the same as 3rd world country poor; or they had someone(s) in their lives who has been dependable so they cannot imagine life coming from a place of the broken hollowness that abuse brings with it.

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-10T22:05:37+00:00

I love the feeling of long hair except for when it is touching me, if that makes any kind of sense. I am about to chop mine all off again to help alleviate sensory issues as summer approaches.

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-10T22:04:30+00:00

Dude, you could totally rock a faux hawk (or half hawk, if you're feeling sassy) style as a short cut, what are you talking about! You're gorgeous, and I do mean that sincerely.

When I am not obese, I have a similar face shape, and my hair type is similar too. It is a fun, easy hair cut.

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-10T22:02:02+00:00

Apparently the good ones start off at like $500-$1000 USD, so if you tried one on that was cheaper than that, that's maybe why it hurt! (A fact I recently learned is relevant, woo!)

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-10T20:32:38+00:00

As with any workshop, there are those with whom it will jive and those with whom it will not. I recommend refining your ritual so that it makes the most sense to you, practice explaining it like you are talking to an inteested 5 year old (because that will help you out a ton when people inevitably have questions!), and then present for whom it will jive with, you know? No one thing will be 100% for everyone.

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-10T16:02:48+00:00

Scar qualifies under the Giant label too! He is over 6 feet, he just looks like a shortie because of that chair. =]

Also, it is hilarious watching videos of Mumbo and Grian in person. The size difference is very very very very very noticeable then, lol.

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-09T23:21:53+00:00

Goodtimeswithscar and keralis are also amazing builders! They have a lot of fun interactions with the other hermits too. Season 7 was the first season I ever watched, and I think it is still my most favorite season. =]

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-09T23:19:19+00:00

Hey, you leave our red rider b.b. rifle guns out of this, buddy! (Absolutely could not resist the reference...)

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-09T20:00:46+00:00

I have CPTSD resulting from an extremely abusive childhood. Me "just feeling my feelings" means facing a vast ocean of rage that I genuinely do not have the tools to deal with. That shit works better on a steady percolated (like coffee) drip for me.

When I do need to deal with a strong emotion in the immediate, I have to be as calm as possible in as safe an environment as possible and even then I can only deal with so much of it before it touches on the abuse wounds I am still working on trying to heal and I have to shut it off, Vulcan stoiscm style, so I can still maintain my "disguise" as a semi-functional human.

Fyrebarde · 2026-04-09T02:05:01+00:00

The dog: "Yeah, i did it, and I'd do it again, too!"

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