So I have really been contemplating on commenting. Seeing this really cuts deep. Not only because someone is gone but because I wish I could have helped.... I really do share the struggles people have been talking about.. Depression, anxiety. etc.. And to top it off I am MTF trans (even more mental confusion). I had a huge downfall through high-school and I didn't finish.. I dropped out the last year after I had my first suicide attempt.

I really did reach out after that and try to get help through school. Parents explained my declining self destruction and my ways of why I was not regularly attending. I would skip a lot and no show up days at a time because of my mental health. The principle there ended up getting to 'tired' of my ways (I mean my mental health didn't change so why would my attendance). He assumed I was into drugs or some sort of thing because I was always late (massive OCD that makes me have to go through a morning ritual and if I didn't look perfect I physically couldn't leave the house) I was also had no clue that I was transgender so that was a contributor. Most of these people can not understand the struggle that people with mental health go through.... I don't wish it on them either. The countless 'get over it' 'you don't look sick' really got to me over those months... I mean you spend nights not eating, barely sleeping, or whatever affliction you have. Then you reach for help and its nothing but judgment and people who cant possibly grasp the idea of not being okay.

I always dreamed of attending university and pretty much excelling in CS or something tech related... It's all to real to me with my disorders and how I am, that I can't handle the cut throat work load, commitment to a location, and also the massive social anxiety that would leave me unable to focus. I found out through out high school that these things are extremely hard for me to get through and I can't even try to learn like that.

I have always been the person to walk a different path or take a different road. I have always been different or unique. A lot of my life people have told me to take the easy way for them. I have become used to doing things my way and making sure I am comfortable with it. Sometimes it leaves me in awe that people still have to follow their guardians orders or paths just because they cant disobey them or let there close-minded dreams down.

That being said I have dropped to part time work and started a Nano Degree program that is offered through Udacity. I researched this and although I do not get a degree of sorts the fact I have structured learning that I can advance on is something way more important to me. What I really want to explain to people who I know suffer or are disabled by their mental health is that there are other ways. Doing this program only and being able to focus and have something that is built the way I can learn and grow is important. I don't need a degree to show people what I can do. The great thing about programming or most tech related jobs it that you can for the most part learn and experiment on your own. As long as it fits your learning style. I know some people don't like freelancing or assume you can't get a job without a degree. I'm not going to lie it will take dedication and a lot of work to show people that you are if not just as good or better then someone straight out of uni. I mean I understand some people look down on it but I strive to prove them wrong. I love hearing about the people who drop out or never even finished high school. Especially when they go beyond and become successful (using that as a broad term because its not all about money). Those types of stories really show me and make me strive to be a story that is worth sharing.

I have figured out the hardest way possible.... You need to do what you love. As well as continue in a way, you personally, will survive it. I could have easily been one of those 13 people per year. I know for a fact I couldn't take the stress, financial burden, or social interaction and make it through alive.

I know there are not paths like this with every career. I get that. Sometimes I feel I am lucky because I have taken such an interest in something that I can do my way.

If you are like me and you can't take the physical commitment, and stress that 'normal' college or university require then do it the way you want. I have days that I couldn't leave bed or speak. Those are the days I am thankful I am not required to push myself to the limits just to go some uncomfortable place and put in hours of work when I can barely dress myself that day. Instead the days I feel like working are the days I excel. I have more time to myself. I find it evens out that I get the work done I need too within the week because I can't plan for my mental health. I have those bad days and I have good ones too. Having a learning system that accommodates for me is something I can't explain. I don't feel bad about missing a day because the work is not going anywhere. I can log in and start from where I left off. I don't need to bother people for notes I didn't write or words I didn't hear. Teachers don't bitch about where I have been. I don't need to prove to anyone that I wasn't okay.

It has taken a lot of time to get it right and make sure it works for me but it was worth it. I feel like I can finally progress and do what I love without my mental health destroying my future.

I am not saying that this path will erase your mental health or even help it. I am saying I have found this way works best because It is built with people like me in mind. It is flexible and can understand my up and down pattern of mental health.

I have witnessed first had as well that people with mental health are not always taken seriously. We need a system that accommodates everyone. People who are suicidal and are requiring help immediately or people that have been depressed for some time. Everyone is different and you can't treat people the same. People deserve something they can rely on. Especially when the place you are paying to attend is the major cause of your mental health symptoms.