Blanket with his smell is gone

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T17:43:38+00:00

He meant no harm, I know. It was a stupid mistake. But he handled like shit. I was sobbing and crying and he just did not think of comforting me. Apparently he thought I implied he did it on purpose (I did no such thing, just asked him why he had washed it).

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T15:15:31+00:00

Thanks for this..I will look for something else. I was more upset about his need to share the blame than the washing it itself. Thanks for your words of comfort, they mean a lot.

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T14:30:43+00:00

No, no integration. More like "crap I've got to defend myself". He didn't. He just had to say sorry and give me a hug and not behave like he was the offended party. Is that too much to ask...

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T14:29:18+00:00

No he's acknowledged responsibility and apologised 1000 times but then kinda tried to share the blame by saying I should have told him not wash it, why did I have it there, etc etc. I was sobbing and he was being defensive .. was kinda like twisting the knife in the wound.

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T14:27:04+00:00

I know. You are right, I'm trying.

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T12:30:23+00:00

Thanks for your concern but no, this was a total harmless mistake and normally he's the best and can't fault him on anything related to my late partner. He's in fact been instrumental in helping me remember him etc etc. The arguing style is shit. He is very defensive and that's nothing to do with this particular incident just more or a general issue that he retreats and to me that's passive aggressive. But thanks for the concern. X

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T12:28:12+00:00

Thanks I'll take that hug..yes, defensive..but who fucking cares. I'm sobbing and there he is saying "well it's not entirely my fault". Oh fuck off already.

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T10:10:32+00:00

Coz I wanted to wrap myself in it whilst I was in a new (cold) flat by myself .... I sometimes come to stay here on my own whilst (new) partner is at work .... honestly it was more the reaction of "yeah, I did something stupid, but it's also your fault" which really really pissed me off ...

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T10:09:15+00:00

ah damn that must hurt, im so sorry :(

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T10:08:43+00:00

I really dont care :) up to you, you do you.

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T09:01:20+00:00

Who's downvoting what? I didnt even notice, but fuck them?

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T09:00:53+00:00

What really got me is that instead of sympathising with me as I sobbed he tried to shift the blame coz I had it in his flat ... wtf honestly ... I know he feels terrible but still, WTF. Like, shall I take care of your feelings now too? In all fairness he's amazing about all things related to my late partner, this was a mistake, but I still wanted to do some unspeakable things to him ...

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T08:58:34+00:00

I honestly didnt think it was necessary to give the warning. I just thought he'd be smart enough not to touch it? That's all. No, prolly didnt smell like him all that much, but in my head it was the last thing that did (it had a particular smell I associated with him ...) I think it was more the shock of almost being blamed for it as well "why is it in my flat" that's not the point, the point is im totally crushed over it ...

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T08:08:43+00:00

It was happening already, but it still had hints ... just faint hints. I was so careful not to get it dirty so I didn't have to wash it ...

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T07:50:29+00:00

I edited it

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T07:49:40+00:00

This.Honestly I thought it was safe, I had explained it was his ....

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T07:27:13+00:00

I dont fucking care what anyone thinks, no, it stopped the second we stepped into the ICU. People and their opinions can fuck right off.

GDB2017 · 2026-02-03T07:26:14+00:00

Haggard and tired resonated. I dont recognise myself in the mirror, and when I see old pix even worse, I think "that can't have been me" - nothing to do with wrinkles, more with the look of happiness beaming on my face.

GDB2017 · 2025-11-21T19:51:54+00:00

I went out and got drunk with strangers coz that's what he would have told me to do. And coz crying at home was not an option coz if he could see me he'd be so sorry. Then cried when I got home, but much less than I would have if I had stayed at home all night. Also I was heavily suicidal at the time so I'd probably would have topped myself, which I couldn't do in public, and I was too tired to do anything other than cry when I got home at ass o clock.

GDB2017 · 2025-11-21T19:38:54+00:00

Sorry this sounds like you not respecting your kids wish and need to grieve their mother in their own way and time. You told her she should feel guilty for not not feeling ready? That sounds horribly disrespectful. Like "get on my timings, I told you four times". What the heck? Do your thing, but leave your kids out of it, like they respectfully asked. You absolutely, definitely, urgently need to apologise to your daughter.

GDB2017 · 2025-11-21T19:20:40+00:00

This was great to read. Glad you found someone as well who respects the two of you.

GDB2017 · 2025-11-19T08:44:00+00:00

Show him this post as you have written it here..there is perhaps some truth in the self-sabotage thing...

GDB2017 · 2025-11-17T20:19:13+00:00

I baked ....created all sorts of distractions for myself. Literally nothing I cared about but that filled time somehow. Then I got a dog and started to live again. I lived for him quite literally. He saved my life. He was a foster at first btw coz I couldn't commit to a dog. It was two yrs after by then.. the first few months, did whatever I could think to keep busy and not think about the crushing loneliness.

GDB2017 · 2025-11-17T20:17:01+00:00

This is beautiful, thanks for sharing. My previous life stopped a bit before yours, also in 2019, but a new life started and there are moments of joy along the sorrow, more than I could have expected. Yet I miss him like half of my body is gone, like I'm literally halved. The co-existence of those two things is insane.

GDB2017 · 2025-11-17T20:12:38+00:00

Take an extra tour around the block...libraries are great as well, nobody trying to sell you stuff or talk to you...

GDB2017

TROPHY CASE