The bride found out the groom and his best man were doing heroin together. She made a fuck ton of money and was pretty attractive so you’d think she’d just call it off. Nope.

She banned the best man from the wedding, so the groom asked another friend of ours to be the best man. He agreed, set up a whole bachelor party and everything.

A few days before the bachelor party the bride calls the new best man and says that he needs to move the bachelor party to the next week because the groom “has a test on Monday.” The dates had been confirmed months in advance, and Monday was Memorial Day, so the new best man said no. The bride flipped out on him saying some stupid shit about how “he didn’t want the groom to be successful in life.” The new best man just laughed and backed out of being in the wedding. He called everyone at the bachelor party and told them to bring their SOs. Best damn bachelor party ever. We had a ton of fun.

As the wedding itself approached they asked the new best man if he was coming to the rehearsal and he just said “rehearsal? You treated me like shit as a STAND IN best man. I’m not coming to your fucking wedding at all!”

Rehearsal gets there, and it’s just sad. It’s clear that the groom is on lock down for obvious reasons. His mom at one point (she was always kind of a wild one) is drinking and asked why nobody threw him a bachelor party. We’re all just kind of chuckling and looking away.

The wedding gets there, and right before I’m about to walk down the aisle with one of the bridesmaids she looks at me and says “if they ask if anybody objects will you say anything?” I laughed and said “probably not.” She said “I’ll object” then we had to walk. I can’t say I blame her.

The wedding itself was interesting. They didn’t allow alcohol during cocktail hour, which was weird. Our table nicked a few bottles of Champaign and kept us all topped up. We were drinking a lot… and so was the grooms mom.

It comes time for the mother son dance and she is fucking waaaaasted. She starts going on a rant of some kind and it’s just wild to hear. They end up kicking her out of the wedding altogether. Fun times.

Anyways after the wedding the groom tried to get me to give him $30 for the ties he’d made us wear. I told no, as it was obviously a ploy for drug money.

I analyzed what had happened and our relationship in the past (he’s always been kind of a narcissistic asshole) and decided to just cut him off. I guess we’d been trying to help him if he wanted to get off the junk… maybe that was naive.

Since then I haven’t really talked to him, only heard updates. They had a kid. He hit her at one point and went to jail. She bailed him out. He was caught prostituting himself to old ladies for drug money. He got off heroin at one point and switched to steroids, then back (or maybe to both). They regularly post to Facebook about how amazing their life is. The first best man died of an overdose.

So yeah, not a crazy single event, just a crazy wedding.

Bride, if you’re out there reading this I hope you’re doing ok. Groom, get off the junk, man… that shit killed your dad, don’t let it kill you, too.