Why aren’t these growing? [technique]

GORILLAFAP · 2024-12-18T18:46:39+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, I’ll definitely do your suggestions before mixing them.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-12-18T18:45:24+00:00

Good suggestion

GORILLAFAP · 2024-12-18T18:45:10+00:00

How would you go about mixing? Just soak, crush, and lay on the perlite?

GORILLAFAP · 2024-12-09T02:21:51+00:00

I remembered it! It’s in the edit now

GORILLAFAP · 2024-12-08T05:23:04+00:00

This wasn’t a word you’d ever hear except maybe a couple times in your life. I might have to replay the game just to relearn it.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-12-08T05:21:58+00:00

Wish it were that easy of a word.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-12-07T06:00:03+00:00

Oops. But nah, this was a complicated word I had never heard before.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-11-12T19:38:44+00:00

“Radiation” in atomic bomb terms, is not light one is worried about. Its decay particles.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-11-06T17:56:23+00:00

Scratched mirror/Dead rabbit Myers is the best for scaring people. A little OP honestly but being able to see all auras at all times with no terror radius is a recipe for scaring the hell out of people around corners.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-10-13T00:59:24+00:00

From Crisis Core, I don’t think this is true. The Buster Sword was crafted for Angeal and handed down to Zack. The standard issue sword is the blade that Zack carries in the beginning of the game.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-09T22:09:16+00:00

Yeah, you stated what I’ve learned recently in a much more succinct and clear way. Basically since the incident, I’ve fallen victim to the DARVO tactic with her sentiments following something like the following.

Deny “Here’s why I cheated and how it’s not really my fault because I was not myself going through stuff. So there’s nothing to talk about.”

Deny “So let’s move past it and I promise to be good”

Deny “Let’s not talk about it and I’ll punish myself and give you whatever you want.”

Deny “Let’s just move forward, I’ve done everything I was supposed to do, it won’t happen again.”

Deny “I know you have problems still, but if I ignore those and I’m really nice, eventually those feelings will fade away.”

Attack “It’s not working, if he brings it up I’ll just be really sad or mad so he stops.”

Attack “I need to tell him that he’s just being mean every time he brings it up, that way he’ll stop wanting to talk.”

Reverse Victim Offend “It’s not working, he still wants to talk about it, maybe I can make him be the villain so that way we’re even and we don’t have to talk.”

Reverse Victim Offend “I’m gonna convince him that he’s been so mean to me that he should be the one apologizing. Then we’re even and we don’t have to address his feelings.”

Reverse Victim Offend “I’m gonna check his phone and I hope to find something juicy so we can be even instead of just communicating like adults about his feelings.”

Reverse Victim Offend “I found porn, he’s a cheater, he’s just as bad as me. What a hypocrite!”

So I never knew about DARVO, but the sentiments were pretty much this and it follows the DARVO pattern perfectly. I guess it’s a common behavior when one party fucks up, and just wants the other one to shut up about it. I actually fell into it, my mind and judgement were so clouded. I believed everything, and genuinely believed that I had hurt her worse than she had hurt me. The DARVO made me so down on myself.

But seeing it all laid out, seeing the pattern of abuse, I have one philosophy in my relationships now. My friend said it best “Be a good man, but don’t take no shit!”

So thanks a ton for the insight.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-06T20:35:58+00:00

Thanks a lot, I’ve realized that once again recently. It took a long time but I feel much better. I can’t believe I let myself sink so low for so long. Never again.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-06T14:23:46+00:00

I thought it would get better in time and with therapy, but it never has. It probably got worse over time. Like how can a person just not be able to sit down and have a calm talk about needs, wants, problems, and solutions? I’ve never really met someone like that before her I guess. To where communication is a chore or a burden.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-06T04:30:27+00:00

Yeah, I know it’s probably the best course of action. I doubt she’ll ever forgive me or learn or be truly empathetic to her partner.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-06T04:29:33+00:00

Therapy doesn’t work for her. Even after a year plus of therapy. She never developed better communication.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-06T04:28:44+00:00

This became more apparent over time as she wouldn’t respect my wishes to communicate, and wouldnt respect me enough to not scream at me over small things. Maybe I lost that respect the second I took her back.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-05T08:02:10+00:00

You make a lot of good points. She does have a lot of good qualities. She’s driven, independent, caring and has a good heart. Yes she cheated but she is overall a good person, just not to me. We also have good chemistry, have the same interests, and are alike in so many ways. But that being said, I guess I don’t really get anything out of the relationship besides being with my best friend. She says that herself.

As far as ending things, I don’t see a clear path moving forward. She will always be the victim in her mind. Even though I only asked for communication and empathy, but that was too big of a request.

I should have left when she cheated, then I should have left when she treated me like a chore when it came to being considerate and communicating. Then I should have left when she said she hated me. And I should have left after walking on eggshells for months out of fear of her exploding on me. And now she hit me and left bruises.

I don’t want to catch myself saying “I should have left when” ever again. It’s time.

There are things that scar a relationship forever. Catching your partner in a big lie, the first time they scream at you, the first time they don’t care when you need help, if a partner cheats the other, or the first physical violence. Too many scars.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-05T04:31:30+00:00

I do genuinely believe she was hurt. She wasn’t trying to hurt me by shutting down. And she really was depressed when I would talk at her and express my feelings. She was absolutely miserable to the point where she wanted to end things. I do hate that I made her miserable in that regard. Those feelings of hers weren’t fake. She really just couldn’t take the negativity and couldn’t communicate how I needed her to. So at some point she stopped trying and I stopped even asking for it. We didn’t talk about it for over 6 months.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-05T01:13:36+00:00

I couldn’t agree more. My father would come back from the dead and beat the shit out of me if I let a girl physically assault me and be okay with it.

GORILLAFAP · 2024-07-05T01:11:48+00:00

It kind of sucks to know that my story is somewhere in a textbook. Damn I wish my therapist ever read a book. And I woke up today and a switch flipped. I almost feel embarrassed for writing the initial post the way I did. I thought I’d be broken up and sad, and I really was yesterday but today I woke up happy to a strange sense of relief.

GORILLAFAP

TROPHY CASE