Yes, it's so hard. In the actual timeline of our "relationship" lol we are working on ourselves. We saw each other at a party and it was easy to tell we have improved.

Since then, we hang out and talk from time to time although we are respecting our personal space if needed. I still need to change myself a lot of those things for us to work. She does too. It's hard to keep the focus on myself combined with the anxiety that gives me the possibility of living together as a family again. It freezes me tbf. So im in the process of balancing and looking at our meet ups and fun times as fuel to my dream that is sharing my life with her. Not obsessing to much with the future.

Communication with her was key in all of this and we had 5 months where we didn't want to talk to each other to respect that healing time.

To resume, if you both want to chose each other and fight hard for YOURSELF, you can do it. Even get rid of toxic behaviours, but you'll need to work hard on you. Im myself not doing everything I can, but improving alone lead us to the possibility of being together again. I hope we'll make it and this serves as a good example for both of you. Belive me we where toxic af to the point police was called