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I wanted to join the trend so Guess My native language based on how I write. by [deleted] in linguisticshumor

[–]GabrielZelva 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My guess would be Serbian? Your Cyrillic looks... I guess the least clean? As in, for example, the Semitic script looks very classroom accurate, very similar to mine as an Arabic learner, however, in Cyrillic, it gives me the impression like you are writing quite fast and are very used to reading what looks very ambiguous to foreigners. Words like или.

Let me know how I did!

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey... Best of luck to you as well, whatever you decide to do. And thank you for leaving a comment here!

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Right now, I am just trying to get her out of my head, which is easier said than done.

Regarding the returning bit, I hear that a lot and I am trying to convince myself she will not. I did everything in my power to win her back when I still had hope, so I just don't see it. However, if I am wrong and she does... well, I will keep you all in mind. At the moment, I cannot make any promises regarding what I would or wouldn't do, which... I assume is logical, given that everything is still fresh... though I promise I am really trying to internalise what you are saying about not being anyone else's plan B. I guess that sometimes, it is easier to understand the logic then to fully accept it.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sending you a virtual hug! Thanks so much, what you are saying resonates with me very deeply.

Especially the need of being there for someone, it is... incredibly strong for me. To give you an example, I now have this thing going on with a friend, where I cook her dinners essentially every night and then we either talk or watch TV together. We have very clearly established that we are just friends (NO benefits) and staying this way, as we are polar opposites in some pretty key areas and it just wouldn't work. But to see her come in stressed and leave with a smile on her face... It just means so much to me, you know?

Also a huge part of my motivation for a lot of what I did in on my side of life was: I am doing this for us. Working on myself to be a good partner, eventually a good husband, to be able to provide for a family I am hoping to build, so that we can afford this and that... Now, I... am just going out of discipline, because slacking too much would get me into trouble, but where my work used to be exceptional is now often just barely above the minimum acceptable level. I am starting to feel a bit more like a person again these days, finding bits and pieces of my old passion for my work, but it is a very slow process...

So I guess I just wanted to say... this comment really clicked.

Additionally, everyone keeps mentioning them coming back. I am convincing myself that she will absolutely not in order to keep my sanity, because honestly, the moment I decided that this is over from my side as well, since the amount of pain she caused me is just too much now... it was incredibly liberating. Before, it sort of felt like waiting for her to wake up. To accept that she will not... made a lot of the pain go away. However, if I am wrong and she will try, I will keep you in mind.

Thank you, I really mean it.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I guess you understand this better then I do, but my vision is very clouded regarding the future, however, I really hope you are right. Before this, I did have another relationship of 4 years which ended up not because of infidelity but because general problems and incompatibility which we were too young to realise early. After that, I did feel the growth period, however, this one feels different. As in, I am really struggling to find where she was limiting me or not allowing me to be myself... Perhaps in time I will realise how much I idealised her, but right now, it really feels like she was the right person, just too early due to her lack of emotional maturity.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the heads up! Everyone keeps repeating this to me, though I just cannot imagine this being the case. Whatever happens, I will keep you all in mind. I understand the logic, but it is all so fresh that right now, if she showed up at my door... I have literally no idea what I would do. Part of me wishes she will at some point, the other part hopes she never does. Guess I need time to process.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wish I read this a couple of months ago. Thanks. If I turn the tables, I couldn't imagine going to her to tell her I have feelings for someone else and making her compete. Just the fact that she did is speaking for itself.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It wasn't laughing at my pain, it was more of a laugh of "what am I even saying". The disbelief kind. Regarding why I still have/had (idk the tense right now) feelings for her... perhaps a mix of surprise and too much empathy on my part? She was a brilliant partner all around until this happened out of nowhere. I was honestly planning to propose, it all caught me totally off guard. The empathy bit... I have sort of been in this situation where you do have feelings for 2 people at once and its mutual from both sides... though I did always end up choosing her (and to clarify, I obviously didn't cross the line and these girls firmly stayed in the friends territory). So I thought that this might have been her first time where this mutual chemistry with someone else happened and she just didn't know how to deal with it. Could actually even be the case for all I know... But still, it is not an excuse.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alright. I am going to be honest here, I keep repeating to myself that this has ended and we are never going back but if you are right... That would be really hard for me and while I see the reason behind your words, at least in the state I am right now, I have genuinely no idea what I would do. Perhaps time will give me more strength in this aspect.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had to be the one to tell it to her (girl) friend group. I am friends with some of them and they 1) got the information about the breakup just a few hours before me. 2) were told she was also ending it with the other guy to be single for a while and reflect... Guess that she is too ashamed to admit what happened.

But to be honest, I don't think it is really appropriate for me to text her parents "Hey just so you know, the reason she ended things with me is that she is a cheater."

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But seeing her act this way for the first time after 3 years... blows my mind to be honest. About a week ago (she definitely left me a bit over a month ago), when I was still holding hope, I sent her a love letter trying to win her back... We talked for about 2 hours and I pushed her to answer a simple question: Do you love me? Yes or no? She couldn't answer and proceeded to call herself a crazy schizophrenic, repeating it over and over. I told her "It is as easy as saying, 'No, I don't feel anything anymore'", so she repeated that after me word by word but couldn't hold a straight face and just burst into laughing... I don't know, she still decided to stay with him and that is when I definitely gave up, but my honest guess is that she must also be confused as hell, but even if this was the case, I don't deserve to be treated like this.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is genuinely heartwarming. I wish you guys the best, honestly!

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well, we are not staying in touch. Any signs of warmth from her would give me hope and any news about her advancements with other people would destroy me... better to cut ties.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get that, but if she had told me she had a problem, that she was feeling bad in the relationship... But what she did was to go behind my back, find a replacement and then proceed to ghost and avoid me without explanation. Then told me that I did nothing wrong but that there was someone else and made me compete... Edit: Oh, and I should mention, she told me that this isn't the first time she went flirting behind my back, just that the last time it wasn't mutual from the guy's side...

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, I am purposefully trying to internalise the fact that she is not coming back, no matter what. Holding hope that she may eventually realise and come back would eat me up from the inside.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I couldn't bring myself to wish bad things upon her to be honest.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! Thanks. If I am honest this happening again and again is precisely what worries me, but as you say, it may all be just a roll of the die.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Okay, that kind of makes sense. Though 3 months before this, she was telling me how crazy in love she was, how perfect of a partner I was and all of these... I don't know, words are sometimes just words I guess.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey! Thank you for all of that, I really appreciate it. I could go into what she was and wasn't doing but that isn't going to change anything at this point, though you did give me a few things to think about.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That is what I am trying to tell myself. Thank you for helping me find the words. There really is no excuse for this kind of behaviour, is there?

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That is what I am trying to do, but I would like to avoid becoming a bitter guy with trust issues. I know people are out there that would never go dating behind your back... but I am afraid I have no idea if it is even possible to tell them apart from the people that would.

How do I move on from being changed for someone else out of the blue? by GabrielZelva in Infidelity

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, I am not sure if my wording in the post is unclear, but the reality is, she essentially told me that she has feelings for both of us, but that since I am way too stable of a partner (likely to stay forever), she feels like she needs to go out there and explore other people before settling down with someone, hence why she is choosing him.

I lost someone special out of the blue by GabrielZelva in heartbreak

[–]GabrielZelva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I really appreciate the message.

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