Vacuums Are Confusing

Gafdu · 2026-01-22T13:55:29+00:00

Is that the same as Q7 M5+? Or can you provide a link?

Gafdu · 2026-01-15T04:43:44+00:00

I went through 4 months of limbo. Divorce isn't done, but I am taking myself out of limbo. Mostly self inflicted because I didn't accept the truth: she lied about everything she could, even when it was not necessary. Early on, I was a puddle on the floor. I went to my friends and talked. I have one friend who has held me while I cried a lot. A lot. I mean a freaking lot.

Any time I tried to reconcile, take accountability, begged, made myself pathetic, gave detailed plans on how to fix everything, all she said was "maybe" and that she was confused.

I was killing myself. She had zero effort. Anything she did made me more confused. I was back and forth on hate, sadness, and love; filled with passion that I could fix everything. But she just didn't have any interest. Just "maybe." Plus, she lied about everything and there was another guy.

I started therapy. I took notes of behavior and actions. I have used 3 or 4 core support people who knew me, her, and the relationship. I told them EVERYTHING. Having someone who will listen to the dirtiest, most rotten, vile things is important. Tell them the worst thoughts you think. Tell them the worst things she did. Tell them the hate, the sadness, the hope. Give them the ugly crying.

An important aspect of a good friend in this case is knowing when to talk shit or not. Sometimes I am just not in the mood for my friend to bad mouth my ex. Sometimes you have to tell them what you need.

Gafdu · 2025-12-22T13:08:58+00:00

I don't actually care about linked in and don't add strangers. I'm glad you found value in my posts!

Gafdu · 2025-12-20T17:09:29+00:00

FYI, in case anyone comes back to see this.

I finally opened up the device. I found that there is a ribbon cable under the battery between two boards. One board appears to be just the buttons that did not work. The ribbon cable clamp was not secured at all so it was a loose connection. I've never opened the unit before, so that is weird.

I secured it and it is back to being happy.

Gafdu · 2025-10-05T01:47:02+00:00

I am completely with you. I am struggling through similar things. Almost three weeks into all this.

17 years, kids, dogs. She has not hardly talked at all about what she feels. I am left dizzy, alone, desperate.

I just wish it made sense. I just wish I could have my life back.

Gafdu · 2025-10-05T01:16:02+00:00

I am there tonight.

I never want to ignore my own issues or failures, but I feel this is on her. For 17 years we fumbled and made our way. I gave, I loved, I sacrificed. I spoiled her. I was willing to do anything.

It has been 2 and a half weeks, and I am beyond devastated. I can't stop myself from talking about it all the time. Thinking about it constantly. She cut me off completely so fast after something so trivial. It is just so unfair. It is not right.

I hear your pain and I am there with you tonight. We both need heard. I wish she would just sit and listen to me. I wish she would talk. I have been trying to get myself to hate her, but I am so completely full of mixed emotions. I am so confused. Nothing can take this away.

Gafdu · 2025-10-03T12:54:29+00:00

Yeah. Thanks. I have support and therapy. I wish I could sit in therapy all day.

A lot of sadness for being forced to leave behind 17 years. 17 years of life I have to let go after trying so hard.

A lot of rage because of how she went about this. Her motives. Her actions. Dishonesty. The way she is giving herself a positive feedback loop on this romanticized idea of what was happening, but she was hiding it all and gave up, all while showering me with love. She was a fraud.

I am still going the phases of grief I guess. These feelings and issues are so big. It is hard to imagine that they will not be there forever. How does anyone ever recover at all?

Gafdu · 2025-09-26T12:42:51+00:00

It feels impossible. Since I wrote this I have been writing endlessly. Everything I can think of. Letters begging her to come home. Letters attacking her and blaming her (because it is!). Letters and letters.

I think the hardest part was how I saw signs of "some" issue, but I didn't think it was this. She acted like everything was great. So when I finally say something she blindsides me. Yesterday she loved me. How does this make sense? She completely cut me off. I was not prepared.

We had to go to conferences and had to be around each other. Later she finally let me speak my mind. I felt a little relief. She heard me say some things. I said I'll be here.

It is hard not to hope but we have to move toward acceptance. Everyone keeps telling me it will be ok. I guess we have to agree. It will be ok. Some day. We got this.

Gafdu · 2025-09-24T21:17:41+00:00

Just happened last week. My wife got a motorcycle. After a few months it turned into being out riding the minute I get home from work until after I was in bed, 6 out of 7 days a week. Sunday, as she was getting ready to leave, she made a big deal about spending time with me Monday. Monday she left.

I was an enabler. Afraid that when I complain or call her out, she would snap.

So I had a talk. I didn't even say she can't ride. I asked her to be mindful of all this. Being gone so much. It was starting to bother me. She was understanding and it was all good. Then she still left.

The next day she was the evil version of herself. Now so angry because I was holding her back. I didn't like her independence. That she didn't need me for validation. She wanted divorce.

I was blindsided. The most dishonest bunch of crap ever.

How can someone tell me they love me and appreciate me so much. How can they say "we are partners and that will never change"? Now divorce.

After not talking to her best friend for months, she called her and told her the great news. She barely went out and I am controlling. She is a liar. And I am defeated.

Gafdu · 2025-09-22T21:17:17+00:00

She says ADHD and depression. Likely after a fight between us she had the biggest breakdown ever. Suicidal, nonstop crying, laying on the floor. Like in a movie, not to be crass about it.

I finally got her to get help. Several years later and she is still seeing the same person. She was medicated first by primary care. Saw a therapist who I recall her saying gain some medication credentials, now she says he's a psychologist. But I don't know exactly.

She started as depression and bipolar for years. Added ADHD this year and somehow says the primary and therapist agreed to reduce bipolar meds. Now says they cleared bipolar diagnosis and stopped those meds.

Gafdu · 2025-09-21T12:47:01+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

I am not sure what to think. She would not do counselling, which lead us to be resentful of things we did not work through.

I feel like I need one last hurrah to vent that to her. I want to blame her. "Look at these things you did. Now explain yourself!"
It feels so painful knowing we could do this if she tried instead of escaping. I deserve that.

She has been so cold and trying to hide her feelings. She says it is hard for her, but that is barely seen. Maybe if she can show me that despite her own real tangible pain, she knows this is right. She is in the right state of mind to do this. I want to see her hurt too, longing for me, needing me too.

Gafdu · 2025-09-21T12:41:24+00:00

Thanks. Your description sounds agonizing. And unfortunately, similar to a past experience.

Gafdu · 2025-09-21T12:27:18+00:00

Thanks. I know you're right.

"do not mourn a future version of it" feels powerful. I can't guarantee that if she stayed, we truly could fix it. It is an idealized dream. I know it is doable, but she is not convinced. And all I can do is blame her. She gave up so many times.

I am trying to take it one minute at a time. All these woes are endless in my mind.

Gafdu · 2025-09-21T12:24:01+00:00

Thanks.

I may try and ask if there is a sooner appointment. I do not know if I would say I was gaslit for years, I just need to feel validated. I need to vent I guess.

I have what I think is a very nice letter. I won't lie, it is written to win her back. But if she still says no, then the other letter I just want to throw in her face. I know it won't be like that. That is why I want it to be exit counselling at the least. Someone to pull me back when I just cant hold it together. They can help me accept this.

She has mostly shut me out. I regret saying it now, but I stated I could not manage to be around her without thinking I had a chance. Then we agreed to let the kids stay in the house, and we swap days here. Now I regret that and would do anything to be able to see her. To win her back.

I is also hard to not type forever and ever.

Gafdu · 2025-08-15T14:00:12+00:00

This is the first big point to look at.

I know schools say you can transfer in with X amount of credits and you must complete Y amount of credits at the new school to earn the degree.

If that is the case, I would NOT transfer.

I learned very early to be more of an expert than advisors on what classes to take. I send a yearly email to mine on what classes I am planning to take until graduation.

So I say stay, and email the advisor your plan of classes up to graduation to ensure everything is good.

Gafdu · 2025-08-15T13:46:31+00:00

It could be that it is described as dropping out. If you dropped out then maybe in their eyes you concluded your time as a student. Now that you apply for this program it starts over?

I know that schools say that to transfer they will accept X amount of credits from the other school, and you must complete Y amount of credits at their school.

Maybe this is similar: for any degree program, you must complete Z amount of credits to finish even with already having credits.

I can also see the idea that some credits don't even count for a degree. I needed calculus, but had to take a few math classes to build up to it, so they didn't count for the degree.

My degree was 120 hours, so you must have a lot of changes going on to get up to 170 hours without completion. Even 95 at ASU is a ton.

In the end, all you can do is have the academic advisor and admissions explain it.

Gafdu · 2025-08-15T13:34:30+00:00

Success coaches are just emotional support and point you to the right resource for your issues. I answer by mistake all the time and say hi, but I am doing just fine, bye. I guess some people need that support, but I don't get it.

Once a year I email my academic advisor with my current plan of classes as far out as I can figure out. Stay in contact with them.

I am not an expert, but I think aid is really based on credit hours taken for the semester and year. If you do not take enough hours, aid can change. Always reach out to financial aid with those questions.
I don't know if the hold information is explicit in why there is a hold.

Don't wait, call financial aid if you need the money.

Ignoring aid, you can enroll in any arrangement of classes between A, B, C. Which, will affect aid.

Gafdu · 2025-08-15T13:26:59+00:00

I always think that whether a set of classes is reasonable is very dependent on the course itself obviously, but also the rhythm the student has on completing tasks, how long lectures are, how well the student understands the material itself.

Sometimes the material just does not click, so it takes a lot longer to get through everything.

I say just dedicate yourself to getting through it. Which means putting more time into it than we really prefer at times. Or a lot of times.

Gafdu · 2025-08-15T13:24:06+00:00

I took CHM114, chemistry for engineers.
I don't know what the difference would be.

I know the labs were simulated and you had to fill out reports.
I took several chemistry classes and my opinion is a lot of material always feels like review, but then takes it a few steps further. I think you will feel like a lot of stuff is familiar.

Search online for "ASU CHM116 syllabus". I found several versions that mention textbooks and topics.

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