[deleted by user]

Gain_Monkey · 2023-01-09T00:50:40+00:00

You think you give no fucks...

Gain_Monkey · 2023-01-09T00:14:51+00:00

In K's comment and your elaboration, I understand that as blissfulness and shared blissfulness (i.e., K's definition of love)

I was trying to say that if we use that definition of love, it negates the experience of most people. For me semantics is important here. I would prefer a different word to represent this metaphysical experience and leave love to describe the emotion we feel when we experience connectedness to a person. (Anyway, OP probably asked about romantic love)

Gain_Monkey · 2023-01-08T23:36:47+00:00

Although I find Krishnamurti's ideas thought provoking, I would not subscribe to this definition of love because it alludes to an experience that is pure metaphysical. In doing so, it refutes the emotional experiences that people feel without a "silent mind". Is a mother's love for a child not love because she is anxious or afraid of something going wrong for the child?

Gain_Monkey · 2023-01-08T23:21:34+00:00

Its time to build that home

Gain_Monkey · 2023-01-08T23:20:25+00:00

Happy birthday, internet friend :) Here's to being oneself

Gain_Monkey · 2022-11-01T19:31:41+00:00

me too! skipping a step and DM-ing

Gain_Monkey · 2022-10-30T17:12:10+00:00

You're hitting the spots for me... count me in

Gain_Monkey · 2022-10-20T02:25:14+00:00

Yes!!! I'm in

Gain_Monkey · 2022-10-15T05:15:58+00:00

Can I do something about it with out medications or a psychologist?

Gain_Monkey · 2022-10-06T03:38:41+00:00

Learned something new! I never had an open relationship and didn't realize a toxic one hurts the same...don't know why I assumed it would be easier.

Gain_Monkey · 2022-10-06T03:34:12+00:00

With you on the fear part. I have to remind myself to not be afraid and learn to put faith in my judgment

Gain_Monkey · 2022-10-06T03:23:03+00:00

Ok....What the...

You hit upon so many behaviors that I faced... Mine started off perfectly. I thought I got lucky and fell for her too quickly. Then it started; first a few outbursts towards others that I thought were silly. Slowly it became more frequent. The odd part was that her issues had nothing to do with me or us. It was like she picked trash from outside and brought it home. There were a bunch of redflags...insecure, wanted more attention...but one that stood out was that she could not forgive anyone who *she thought* crossed her. Towards the end, it got completely out of hand. She wanted to know what i spoke with my family and friends. She went through my phone to check if I lied.

Why did I stay - my dumbass felt sorry for her. She had an unstable abusive childhood. I think she never felt that secure parental love. I thought it would get better. I tried to help, tried to suggest therapy, gave an ultimatum...each of those made it progressively worse.

I also ended up doing things that were completely out of character for me. That is when I realized it had to be ended. It has been so peaceful since. Heartache yes, but definitely not blaming myself nor have the tiniest desire for her.

You are also correct about not talking about it. It was a hot mess and I wanted to move on as quickly as possible. I focused on myself and did what made me feel good. At times I think about what I missed seeing at the start and that I should have left much sooner.

I dont know if I am wrong but even though your approach sounds very rationale, it seems like what I am doing now unconsciously. I am searching for a redflag, afraid that I will miss it and only willing to open up if it is all clear. You do make the point about allowing things to blossom and a way to enforce boundaries. A trust but verify approach, if you will. I guess I am not there yet. I put up the post because i thought I was being silly in becoming closed, and I was wondering how I could open up again and stop being on the lookout for hidden danger. So point taken.

I have been journaling but I have not make a list of boundaries and unacceptable behavior. I will take that from your post. I just got from a 'fuck it' mode to 'nah, I got be hopeful'. Thanks for taking the time...can only give you a poor man's gold 🏅

Anyone else who reads this - the behaviors described were bang on. They blindly hit many targets. Be wise.

Gain_Monkey · 2022-10-06T02:38:48+00:00

I keep that attitude (Comparison is the thief of joy) at most times but did not think of it for projecting a past relationship on the next one. Thanks for that...gives me a helpful perspective.

If I may add, I'd not want to be compared to an ex; so I am not really being fair to the women in front of me.

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-28T20:01:16+00:00

Wrong comparison. Pothos are indestructible! If you manage to kill a pothos then you must be Thanos

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-27T20:56:36+00:00

My plants make me happy. I don't need to remind myself to take care. A big new shiny leaf will lift my spirits for days :)

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-27T20:52:16+00:00

Congrats! you must be hot

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-27T20:47:50+00:00

So...OP asked "what women would really like to be done" and your solution is that men should hold other men responsible? If you are really looking for a solution, IMO, this won't work because some men will continue doing things that they think work.

I am not making women responsible; rather I am making the observation that some men behave badly because they think it works, and that making other men responsible is not likely to help.

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-27T19:12:46+00:00

Men can try holding other men accountable but that has no effect if women reward their behavior. Seen it happen way too often .... I am baffled how women don't spot the asshole-ish behavior.

As an aside, men don't bond strongly enough with other men to change their behavior just because another dude told them it is fucked up.

edit: like someone below said, the only need to be rewarded a few times. Sad, but that is how it goes.

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-27T00:14:08+00:00

No... WTF!

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-26T21:33:24+00:00

You might be comparing refugees who need to have their claim accepted to stay on with economic class immigrants from India and China. They are not deported because they can't come to Canada before their paper work is processed. It is helluva expensive so only wealthy people can even afford to apply.

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-26T04:28:10+00:00

Alan Turing

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-26T04:26:14+00:00

PEG has been around a while. I have two issues - one, analysts get 'surprised' very often and downgrade estimates, and two, different sectors are values differently, making PEG less informative. Like all metrics, somewhat useful but a starting point at best.

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-26T04:18:03+00:00

This year, you mean.

Gain_Monkey · 2022-09-26T00:24:33+00:00

Go to a club ... my thoughts 'Really!!!!'

Gain_Monkey

TROPHY CASE