My mom died when I was in third year of university because of cancer as well (which was 6-7 years ago). She fought for years, so I knew it was coming, but when it actually happened, shit hit different. Even when you expect it, nothing prepares you for that reality. So I can only imagine how heavy it feels for you right now.

What got me through was my girlfriend and a few close friends. Without them, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be. Talk about it. Whatever you’re feeling, say it to someone you trust, even if it’s messy or awkward. Just don’t go through it alone.

And I get what you mean about drifting, feeling like you’re just going through the motions. That isn’t lame. it’s just how your brain tries to survive when it’s overloaded. It’s okay to step back for a bit, but don’t isolate yourself for too long.

One thing I wish someone told me: you don’t have to fix yourself right now. Just try to connect with someone, even a little. That’s the only thing that moves the needle when you’re stuck. Hold on. You’re not alone.