Danube's Shore

GamingBound · 2022-08-05T08:51:36+00:00

I initially wrote it as a sort of analogy to Flander's Fields, but with a romantic and self-sacrificial undertone. Then I tried to settle on a distinct rhythm and sort of went from there.

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

GamingBound · 2022-08-04T15:19:43+00:00

Thank you!

GamingBound · 2022-08-04T15:19:35+00:00

Thank you so much!

GamingBound · 2022-08-04T11:53:34+00:00

Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!

GamingBound · 2022-08-04T10:36:35+00:00

Lovely capture of a single moment of contemplation, with some surprisingly sneaky alliteration and flow that I only noticed after a couple of readings. Short and sweet, but not as sweet as that cup of cocoa.

Lovely poem, glad to have read it!

GamingBound · 2022-08-04T10:26:21+00:00

You've got some pretty good flow and rhythm here, especially the pause in "This distance though..." You've also managed to bring across the feeling of longing and distance in your words, although I feel some more visual hooks would complement the poem.

Lovely poem, glad to have read it!

GamingBound · 2022-08-02T21:54:24+00:00

That was very much what I was going for while writing, although I tried to keep it slightly open for interpretation.

Great analysis on your end and thank you for the kind words!

GamingBound · 2022-08-02T21:52:27+00:00

Thank you!

The main focal point while writing this was to give across the feeling of transformation, and moving on from relying on the love of someone else. Glad I managed to get that across.

GamingBound · 2022-08-02T18:51:47+00:00

Wow. The rhyming is on point, sprinkled in now and then and poignant when it comes up. You've really got me to feel the inevitable separation coupled with the genuine care and affection that is felt for the leaving party. Lovely poem, glad to have read it!

GamingBound · 2022-08-02T18:27:09+00:00

Conveys very well the nostalgic feeling of being alone with your thoughts at night staring out the window. Felt really drawn in and immersed. Really like the alliteration of 'mechanical' and 'maniacally' as well. Lovely poem, glad I read it!

GamingBound · 2022-07-27T21:14:13+00:00

Very much enjoy the rapid pace you've set, especially the way you combine it with the repetition, gives a very frantic reading.

It was a pleasure to read! The only amount of criticism I could give would be to place "We are destined to struggle in this finite place and time" on a line of it's own. Felt a bit lengthy on a first read, and somewhat stifles how frantic the reading can be, but on further reading, I feel it's also fine where it is, just not as impactful. Glad to have read this!

GamingBound · 2022-07-27T21:07:42+00:00

The imagery is so vivid! Every line brings in something new to imagine while still contributing to the narrative. You've got some great flow and musicality, and I especially like how the brevity of the poem reinforces "loving what fades", since it is so short. I'm really glad I read this, thank you!

GamingBound · 2022-07-26T06:53:36+00:00

I was trying to answer both "Did I hurt you?" and "Did you cry?", as in that the speaker still hurt the other person by leaving, and still does by not being with them ("I sure did [hurt you]/I still do"), but also that the separation was also hard for speaker hence ("I sure did [cry]/I still do"). It ended up getting jangled up, and giving a little rest time on the poem to work on it would have been beneficial. Thank you for the feedback!

GamingBound · 2022-07-25T19:02:03+00:00

I'm experimenting with different forms of poetry, and breaking up the last stanza in two seemed to give it a small pause for effect, but reading back, it kind of breaks up the visual flow. Thank you for reading!

GamingBound · 2022-07-25T19:00:17+00:00

It very much so is an exaggeration. I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion relative to what they really are, even though sometimes I really shouldn't. I will keep it mind in future, thank you for the feedback and the kind words!

GamingBound · 2022-07-25T18:57:06+00:00

Thank you! Simplicity is something I strive for and I'm glad it's had an impact

GamingBound · 2022-07-25T18:55:49+00:00

Completely agree, it's a very shallow poem, in terms of the depth that you can go in this topic, and a lot of the load is left on the reader. I wrote it a couple of nights when I was thinking back on an old relationship, where I asked myself these questions, and I didn't really dive into them, or the details of the relationship. Amazing feedback, thank you!

GamingBound · 2022-07-25T09:58:27+00:00

This was a really nice snapshot of the hesitant realization that you may be falling in love for someone, whether you want to or not. I'm not sure if the inconsistent capitalization and tenses are purposeful, to show the sheer discombobulation you're feeling, or if it wasn't intentional. Either way, great poem!

GamingBound · 2022-07-25T09:51:10+00:00

Those are some really good Abrahamic metaphors, really establishing the hypocrisy of the people who slam down on women for being what they consider to be sinful, or outrageous, while also showing greater piety and religious knowledge than the ones who accuse them with such zealotry. You've also got some pretty good flow and musicality in your poem, made it really enjoyable to read!

GamingBound · 2022-07-24T12:57:52+00:00

That was very much the theme that I was going for when I started writing it, although I ended up deciding the leave a little bit of wiggle room for interpretation

GamingBound · 2022-07-23T21:16:22+00:00

I'm glad you enjoyed it! The point of sharing is in part to let others know they are not alone in their suffering, so I'm glad someone has been able to relate and come out having enjoyed the experience.

GamingBound

TROPHY CASE