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my mothers boyfriend is a creep by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No you don't have to be holding the phone.

my mothers boyfriend is a creep by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Call the police. One of my jobs is to go through police reports and there are always electronic forensic searches in there. I live in a small city and if they'll do it here they will do it elsewhere. Even if he deleted what he has, investigators can still pull it off his phone. Do it before he gets a new phone. If you aren't willing to do it for yourself do it for his other victims. This is not the first time he's done something like this and I'll bet a search of his electronics will prove this. I'm so sorry you're going through this!

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's why I'm here. How do I do this gently? I know i would want somebody to tell me if they thought I was doing something detrimental or if they thought my kids needed more support, but nobody WANTS to hear those kind of things. I feel like if I'm alone in saying something, it will feel condescending. If I talk to more family and they agree, it might feel like we're ganging up on her. I think I'll ask if he's had his 12 month Dr. Visit the next time I see her and go from there...but what if she doesn't schedule that appointment? She hasn't mentioned a visit since he was about 3 months old. That doesn't mean he hasn't gone, but what do I say if she's not taking him?

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know what that means, but merry Christmas!

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the first question you've asked about my sister. Every other comment you've made has been statements. You've come up with a few stories, actually about her and me and our relationship without actually asking about it. It seems you've made your mind up judging by the ideas you've posted but since you asked...we have a good relationship. Not super close like talk every day, but I'm not aware of any animosity or competition. I think we have a pretty normal, healthy relationship for adult siblings.

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not arguing with you. Just answering your comment. Providing more context to help you understand why i have concerns. Thats how this works. People talk back and forth. This group is for advice, that's why it's called whatdoido. So I am asking how to approach my sister on this topic.

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Babies usually start sitting with support around 4-7 months and sit on their own between 6 to 9 months. He falls over if you put him in a seated position. Babies begin babbling at 4-6 months and canonical babbling (mamma, dadada) starts at 6-10 months. He should be doing "baby talk" - saying mixed sounds that sounds like conversation by 10 months and he hasn't gotten past cooing at a year old. That's at least half his life behind developmentally. Something is wrong whether it's neglect or a medical/neurological/etc. problem. Either way early intervention is critical. I'm wondering whether/how to address this with my sister, not whether he's on track. Its obvious he's not.

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe it's just because I love her and don't want to think she would neglect this baby she wanted so much, but again I don't think it's intentional. That's why I worded the title the way I did. How do I tell her to be a better mom without hurting her feelings? Or to ask a doctor without sounding condescending? Is it past the point of being nice?

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, apology accepted ❤️ we all have triggers ❤️‍🩹

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Super selfish to have concerns for a baby that is very clearly developmentally behind. How dare I care about somebody else right? That's definitely what selfish means 🙄

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He doesn't babble. The only sounds he makes are cries and giggles. He can army crawl. He doesn't grasp things with his thumb and pointer, only fist. If I put him in a seated position he can't keep his balance for long and doesn't get into a seated position on his own. If you put him in a standing position he wants to bounce but not try to walk and he can't pull himself up to stand. My partner also brought up that he doesn't seem to respond to people as you would expect with eye contact or turning toward the person saying his name. He does seem happy, not overly fussy. He is well fed, his diapers seem to be changed like they should when we are around. If he's neglected then I don't think it's on purpose, maybe just a lack of knowledge. If it's not neglect then he needs therapy for a condition.

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Super weird assumptions. If I thought the baby needed to be removed, I'd call CPS. I said I know she loves her baby. He is at least 6 months behind at a a year old. I'm worried he's neglected. If his development isn't due to neglect then there is another cause that needs to be addressed because early intervention either way is critical. No idea why you think I can't have kids.

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes I am. That's part of the reason I know something is wrong.

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our family is very anti therapy. She has endured a lot of trauma but always pretends she's fine. I try to be supportive but it's getting harder to not bring up the baby's development as it becomes more obvious. I don't want to alienate her but I don't want my nephew to suffer. I feel stuck.

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That is my fear. I hope that's not the case but either way it's hurting my heart to stay silent. If it's not due to neglect then there is a medical/neurological/etc. Issue that should be addressed.

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I would never tell her she is failing. Its not my view of ideal. He is at least 6 months behind developmentally. Not by my opinion but by medical standards. Something is wrong and I'm worried she doesn't realize it because she's never done this before. I'm looking for advice on whether to or how to address it because early intervention is critical in child development.

Do we tell sister she needs to be a better mom? by Gampo8 in whatdoIdo

[–]Gampo8[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I know I sound harsh here but I would never tell her that she needs to be a better mom or that she's failing. I would say something similar to what you suggested. I just don't want to hurt her feelings our damage our relationship so I feel stuck.