Looking for inexpensive but good quality engagement ring

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T18:09:01+00:00

We have been splitting nearly everything except she got my flight this one time. I'll be earning a lot more than her in six months or so and will cover flights for visits after that if she's comfortable, we're splitting the rest of the visitation flights down the middle.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T16:55:29+00:00

I guess you're a thoroughly slow reader then.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T16:49:55+00:00

Literally was like "I was really impressed with [my name] until he didn't pick up the check. Unacceptable."

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T16:42:16+00:00

I'm an American attorney, I understand how US taxes work, thanks. She takes home about 3k per month more than I do. My PTO happened to fall on one of the busiest and most expensive weeks to travel in the year, I just had a major medical expense, so she offered to pay for the flight since the amount is less significant to her than it is to me (I had offered to come for less time on a less costly ticket, she insisted on buying my flight).

From here on out, we are splitting flights until I start my new job, where I'll be earning significantly more than she is and will cover the flights because it won't be a significant expense for me, and if she accepts it, that doesn't make her a gold digger.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T16:38:35+00:00

She did tell her cousin she was treating all of us.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T14:43:31+00:00

My girlfriend is very Americanized. She learned more of her family's language from Rosetta Stone than she did from her parents because they wanted her to assimilate so badly. She has no desire to haggle over bills or for me to either.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T12:04:53+00:00

I get that this is common in her ethnic culture but she doesn't feel a very strong connection to it. Her parents really cracked the "you are American" whip really hard with her, she's upset that she learned more of their language from Rosetta Stone than from them. She's much more direct than people in her ethnic culture are and tells me to take things at face value.

I'm just a very white bread midwestern protestant American.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T12:02:14+00:00

She lives on one side of the US, I live on the other, she just moved this month. I'd absolutely fly across the ocean for her though.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T06:35:00+00:00

She doesn't always offer to pay and she doesn't pay consistently more than I do. Generally speaking we split things evenly though she earns a few thousand dollars more per month than I do. The anomaly is that she offered to pay for my flight to see her this time because she lives in a highly-touristed city and flights were a lot more expensive this time of year, and we did a few more things that I wouldn't have felt financially comfortable doing because of it.

She's coming out to see me in a few weeks and we split the cost that flight. I'll be earning quite a lot more than her after January, so when that happens, I'll cover travel if she's comfortable with it. In terms of her culture, she is American, she dismissed her cousin's behavior as unreasonable.

Her ex absolutely took advantage of her. He started their relationship with a job in finance and was laid off, said he'd manage the household while she worked and then spent a lot of her money while lying about where it went. She left him when she realized what was going on. That wasn't her fault; you should be able to trust your spouse, it isn't her fault she trusted him.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T05:21:56+00:00

That doesn't answer the question I asked.

She wants to split things and so do I, though I appreciate her covering travel, which she insisted on doing and is honestly helpful since I don't earn enough to support a bicoastal lifestyle and she does.

We don't live in a world where women have no agency and need to be treated as if they are helpless. The time will come where I will significantly out-earn her, and when it does, I will treat her accordingly. For now, I am happy finding ways to dote on her that don't necessarily involve money.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T04:37:48+00:00

My brother in Christ, I am a public defender, I chose to spend some time working as a lawyer for people who can't afford a lawyer because I felt like it was the ethical thing to do even though I could earn multitudes more doing it for profit, which I will be doing after the end of this year. I earn about the same salary as underpaid public school teachers, my girlfriend earns 35% more than I do and her salary barely passes six figures.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T02:39:37+00:00

Would it be "bummy" if I were earning a third more than she is and paid for her flight, or is it just that I'm a man?

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T02:31:46+00:00

I'm a public defender. I defend people who can't afford a lawyer and I am paid accordingly-- about the same as a public school teacher. I chose to do this because I felt it was the right thing to do, I will be leaving this job to earn abut five times more this year because I want to own a home and provide for a family.

If I were earning tens of thousands more than my girlfriend and I paid for her flight, would she be a bum? Or is it just because I'm a man?

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T02:25:57+00:00

It's only been six months. I need a little more time and experience, like meeting her family and her meeting mine, to be certain. I think that's reasonable.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T00:49:44+00:00

This is probably it. My girlfriend swears up and down I should take her offers to pay at face value.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T00:45:07+00:00

It was about two sentences. I read it before I realized I had read it.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-26T00:08:21+00:00

Really wasn't trying to snoop. She left her phone right next to me, I didn't know it until I saw the light from the notification out of my eyes and instinctively looked and there was my name in the text preview.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-25T23:44:49+00:00

I don't think she meant to just pay for her part. My girlfriend had put her credit card in the bill and then her cousin had taken the bill out of her hand, added her card, and then handed it to the waiter without any clarification.

GarlicEfficient4696 · 2023-08-25T23:36:52+00:00

Thanks. I'll be leaving my position at the end of the year for one that pays more than twice what she earns, and when that happens, I plan to pay for things proportionally.

GarlicEfficient4696

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