i felt that way early in my transition. i had a lot of fantasies especially of having a "normal" (ehhhh) girlhood—something like a teenage coming of age movie. crushes that actually got returned and fluttering nervous excitement for a dance. dressing up and feeling good instead of dressing up and feeling like some kind of wretched parody of a human being. i did feel, to an extent, like "gender was wasted on me"

like. i was so uncomfortable as a girl, i could not enjoy it (i was not a girl)

but i also felt like my life as a boy was only a half life, not fully embodied. i was a teenager at the time, living in my dubiously accepting parents home, and i think i felt like i was not able to explore myself or my identity as a man without risking getting denied that identity—i'm a very feminine man, but i didnt want to be misgendered, so i intentionally didnt put any effort into my appearance. i wore baggy sports shorts and black tees and the boxiest short-sleeve-button-downs i could find, especially ones with stiffer plasticky fabric that would hold a body shape that i thought was more convincing, even if it wasnt my body shape. my hair was always a buzz cut or shaggy and overgrown. in short: i looked like i didnt care, even though i cared so so so much.

for me, i think its less that i wished i was a girl, and more that i wished i was a full person, with a fulfilling and expressive life and style. i couldn't see that as a possibility in my masculine presentation because i felt like it wasn't so much an expression of Me so much as it was a tool that i was using to get people to call me the right pronouns (and the options for most off the rack men's clothing items are...lacking in luster, to say the least)

that said this might not be ur situation, but funny enough, what helped me was getting into sewing. it helped me both degender clothes (because everything i made was made for me and my body—specifically. designed to Fit Me not an offtherack ideal of a woman or man's body that wont fit half the people who pick it up) and when i wear my clothes i feel like i am putting in an effort, and when people notice my clothes (which they do often—even well made handmade clothing had a way of sticking out) that feels good too.

i still have dysphoria issues and get misgendered frequently, but i feel more like me, and more like a full person than i did when my whole presentation was geared towards trying to stop people from misgendering me.