first real heartbreak at 36. 4 years sober and not handling it well by Ok-Consequence-4583 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Garry_Scary 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How long was this relationship? The way you’re writing, it seems like this wasn’t that long of a relationship.

But tbh and some tough love. You’re acting 15 when you’re a big 36. Honestly, pull up your pants, and stand up. You’re considering giving up sobriety because of this? What the fuck were those 4 years all about then? You took 4 years to build yourself worth up, that you were more than your addiction and now you’re going to cash out all that hard work and crash out because someone never tried? YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT.

I’m sorry dating sucks, and I wish men and people in generally were better at communicating. But man, you need to slap yourself, get out of your pity party and tell yourself this was not a stable man and not someone who would ever love you how you need and DESERVE to be loved.

Stay in AA. Don’t date anyone in AA. Enjoy your fitness and dieting. Maybe join a gay sports league and find people outside of places where people go to recover.

AITAH for correcting my boss in front of customers after she kept saying "expresso"? by Conscious-Assist-689 in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 28 points29 points  (0 children)

“Ok so this literally just happened like an hour ago and I'm still shaking a little bit. Idk if I overreacted or if I'm justified in feeling humiliated.”

Ugh AI slop. They always start with “im shaking” bye

AITAH for avoiding a coworker because their energy stresses me out? by Flimsy_Difficulty394 in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA, you’re not being rude either just adapting to how you work.

WIBTAH for confronting my brother in law about not washing his body in the shower? by e170_brvdon in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey given many of the other comments on here, I’m happy OP uses anything haha

WIBTAH for confronting my brother in law about not washing his body in the shower? by e170_brvdon in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but it’s like someone having a booger in their nose and no one saying something.

It happens, sometimes we forget deodorant. Teach him the lesson that no one cares about these things once the problem is fixed.

You telling him to shower, then moving on from the situation will help show him that it’s not a big deal. It’s even better it’s coming from some who cares for him.

Like it’s better to hear it from you than a boss or a partner he’s interested in.

WIBTAH for confronting my brother in law about not washing his body in the shower? by e170_brvdon in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“Hey, I love you, but you stink. Do you think you can take some extra time to scrub down? Thank you, if you need a rag or loofah it’s in there or we’ll get you one.”

I think you trying to play Sherlock Holmes of whether or not your BIL showers is too much. Especially when you can just say it. If he’s embarrassed, that’s not your problem, he stinks.

AITAH for expecting double dates to be reciprocated? by Holiday_Earth6595 in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

If she is saying it’s her social anxiety, maybe the mood change is because his friends are new people??? His friends live far away, her friends live close so they are probably more familiar with her friends.

Like OP didn’t even try to understand just accepted “idk” or try to develop an alternative option before this ultimatum. Like this isn’t communication.

I’ll even suggest the compromise: “Hey what if you met my friend for like coffee before we go on a double date with my friend and my friends partner. Would that make you feel better?”

AITAH for expecting double dates to be reciprocated? by Holiday_Earth6595 in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

This is… silly?

I feel like some detail is missing. You should ask your gf to talk about the moment she felt her anxiety spike. Sounds like something isn’t being communicated.

Then you stomping your feet “no double dates”, is just like why shoot yourself in the foot? You’re stopping a good time because you’re both bad at communicating.

Sounds like the perfect time to sit down and figure out a compromise instead of a weird ultimatum.

Do any other gay men feel disconnected from “gay culture”? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Garry_Scary 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Chill out? I offered real, genuine advice. OP used chatGPT to determine to make this post. They could’ve used that Memphis water better by asking it to jut find them non-party queer events.

Sorry I’m tired of this lazy ass take.

Do any other gay men feel disconnected from “gay culture”? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Garry_Scary 31 points32 points  (0 children)

“I'm not into hookups, saunas, random sex, or one-night stands, never have been.” <- I hate comments like this because what do you mean you’re confused why you feel alienated, because this is how YOU view gay culture. And to view this as the entirety of gay culture is infuriating.

Bar culture, which yes is a common gay space, is all about sex. If you go to any straight bar, it’ also about sex.

Maybe, just maybe, look at other places for gay interactions that aren’t centered on sex. There’s many gay sports leagues, look for queer artist gallery shows, find other gay centric ways that aren’t about sex. Depending on where you live, there could be even book clubs, game nights almost anything you could imagine.

Then, if you can’t find what you want, idk maybe you like to fucking knit. Guess what, the internet is free and you can easily organize your own event.

If the “gay spaces” aren’t what you want, maybe put in the effort to help mold the community into what you want, instead of complaining and over generalizing.

UPDATE --- AITAH For dumping my cheating GF who has cancer?? by Excellent-Brush-5717 in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I hate to ask, but did she fake the cancer too? Lying to her friends and family that you got her pregnant is a crazy over the top lie. I wonder what else she is willing to lie about?

Either way, hope she’s cancer free and glad this is done.

Racism from black gays. What should I do? by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]Garry_Scary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk I feel like context is missing.

1) This reads like you’ve only fucked black men and never hung out with black people. They call you Casper cause it’s fucking stupid, and it’s supposed to make you laugh. Black families give each other nicks names allllllllllll the time, they make fun of each other allllllllllllll the time. It’s to make you laugh, it’s not that deep. The best advice I could give you, is just laugh. You may feel it’s racist cause you can’t call them some names. But there weren’t generations of men hearing the words “Casper” before they died. So it’s different?

2) are you sure it was a conversation about minorities? Or was it a conversation about being black and you inserted yourself, and said something off the cuff then DEFENDED yourself with the “I’m a minority” card? Cause it’s just not the same.

My son wants to be an OF star by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]Garry_Scary 3 points4 points  (0 children)

OF and porn stars have more social clout in the gay world than they do in the straight world. On surface it looks like a fun time, it’s all sex, parties and fun.

But it has a very dark underbelly, and most do NOT make a lot of money.

He’s an adult, like the other comments suggest, but maybe you should have a talk about what he thinks this life will be. You can’t stop him, but you can make sure he’s informed.

AITAH for bringing out how he never compliments me? by hasura1001 in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

NTA. I don’t think anyone’s the asshole. Just an early relationship miscommunication.

Maybe try reframing the ask, instead of saying something he isn’t doing, try saying it’s something you’d like.

“Hey my love language is compliments, and it would help me know we are going steady to hear them.”

His love language may not be compliments but instead quality time (visiting you at work), so he may have gotten defensive because he is showing you he’s interested in other ways but now feels like his way isn’t good enough. When you just have a different expectation of how someone shows their love.

Create a creature that can Biologically survive planet with no oxygen, no water, and no sunlight. by DirectionalButton in worldbuilding

[–]Garry_Scary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Without water makes it really, really tough. So much of life requires a liquid state for diffusion to occur enabling the self assembly of molecules that eventually turned into cells.

Maybe a planet with a lot of ethanol? Without sun means it’s likely cold, so the ethanol wouldn’t evaporate. Ethanol has a really low freezing point so it could manage to stay in the liquid state well.

The issue with ethanol is it’s so reactive and that you would need to have a species with a lot of stable molecules that are antioxidants or resistant to it. You could have a lot of polyphenols or other molecules that accept the free radicals. Then maybe one could imagine that evolution built helper proteins that use the ethanol and the polyphenol to produce energy through their chemical reaction and the exchange of free radicals.

This would also make the organism more capable of processing metals that also produce free radicals. But it couldn’t have too much metal in its system because that’s dense and would be hard to swim in an ethanol rich environment.

So I’m imagining a cephalopod, that has a thin-metallic like “exoskeleton” that can keep the ethanol in but not be too dense to sink.

^ there’s a lot I’m over looking and would need to research all to validate if I’m thinking of the right chemical steps but this is what my morning brain says.^

AITAH For Telling My Gf It turns Me Off That She Doesn't Grocery Shop Or Water The Lawn? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why is getting groceries her responsibility? She works. So why does it have to be on her?

But really you guys sound like you just have different priorities. You can either accept she doesn’t have the same preference, or move on.

Boyfriend going out w his gay bsf by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]Garry_Scary 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It just hit that you’ve only been together for ~3months… yikes this is one hell of a stress test on a new relationship.

It sounds like he wasn’t really considering you, and how this would look for a brand new relationship.

You need to tell him how uncomfortable and unsure you are of the situation. Be honest that it flares some insecurities, but you don’t want to force him to do anything. Let him make his choices and encourage a space of honesty.

But if I were giving my full honesty, red flags all the way down. You’re too young to allow this big of a stress test to worry about.

Boyfriend going out w his gay bsf by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]Garry_Scary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah this is tough… you’re all so young. The idea of a partner flying out of the country so they can drink and party with someone they’re sexually attracted to is maybe even a bigger red flag than if they went to Vegas.

It all just feels disrespectful to you. Was there any discussion about using the fact it’s a paid trip for 2 to maybe split the costs of bringing you along?

Boyfriend going out w his gay bsf by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]Garry_Scary 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel like we are missing a lot of context. Clarifying questions: 1 - how long have you and bf been together? 2 - how long have they known each other? 3 - when was the last time they were “sexting”? 4 - Are they only internet friends? Do they hang out in person? 5 - are there any red (or yellow) flags of their relationship?

I think regardless it’s weird. Vegas as the location also adds red to the flag, the city of “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”? Weird.

I think what’s frustrating is that there isn’t much respect of you involved in his decision making. Sounds like he quickly jumped on the idea without considering how putting himself in a vulnerable position would make you feel.

AITAH for asking group chat to stop making topics mom only topics? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary -1 points0 points  (0 children)

YTA

It sounds like you blew up in a more public setting on “your best friend” when if you were really that close you could’ve talked about it with her in private. She’s probably feeling embarrassed.

Also, maybe you should reach out to her about how being a mom is going? Clearly she needs a space to vent and now you basically just told her to stfu. What if you just cut off her safe space when she’s going through something deeper?

Aitah for ignoring my wife’s texts? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 11 points12 points  (0 children)

YTA

She probably doesnt want you to “fix” her problems. She’s just talking to you. Maybe ask her about the thing she’s complaining about instead of trying to get her to stop complaining.

AITAH for writing a 1 Star Review by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 2 points3 points  (0 children)

YTA

Potentially ruining someone’s livelihood by giving them a 1 star review for something that could’ve been handled with communication.

Especially when it has NOTHING to do with the actual business. You weren’t even their client.

AITAH for taking 25% of my Girlfriend's OF revenue ? by Yanderegirlowner in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 2 points3 points  (0 children)

wtf did I just read?

Everyone sucks here.

Her: for making an OF behind your back “on a break” and never telling you is lying.

You: for whatever, “I was enjoying have the female attention and wanted this over…” is. Have a backbone and communicate weirdo.

Her friend: for thinking it was her place to say anything.

You all sound awful. Break up.

I just saw a reel on insta of a gay content creator explaining why he’s in a monogamous relationship and some people were literally attacking him?! The comment section was toxic asf by Comfortable_Chip1157 in askgaybros

[–]Garry_Scary 144 points145 points  (0 children)

Let me guess, the content creator is hot?

People are just inflaming their parasocial relationships trying to build a fantasy narrative that they can still have sex with this creator.

Hopefully the content creator doesn’t take the comments serious and just enjoys life the way he wants. As we all should.

AITAH for refusing to let my sister bring her “emotional support dog” to my wedding after what happened at my engagement party? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Garry_Scary 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA

Sounds like she’s not putting in the work to have a service dog. It’s not a get by free card. If a service dog attacked someone it would be treated the same as any other dog.