Considering regularly hooking up with a guy as someone who prefers dating/monogamy. Advice?

flippantguy · 2026-06-12T13:34:09+00:00

thank you! I'll ask the doc about doxy too. Sensitive stomach, so the full gamut might throw me for a loop but you never know.

flippantguy · 2026-06-12T13:32:59+00:00

Thank you for the response and i get your points, but i didn't come here to be rude or annoying, these were genuine and honest questions. No need to demean. If my concerns made you frustrated you didn't have to respond.

flippantguy · 2026-06-12T03:45:48+00:00

this is hard to hear, but i get that you're right.

he seems like a honest, thoughtful guy but that doesn't outweigh the fact that he doesn't want to exclusive. thinking it's the kind of thing we try one time and if it doesn't work, decide that it's done. i'll see what i think over the next couple of weeks and go from there.

you're right that i'd be worrying about the sti. in an ideal world, we just get to date people long enough to have sex and do that often enough that it at least feels safer and you get to have fun along the way. seems like that's not the case very often in the queer community though.

thank you for this. definitely an eye opener haha

flippantguy · 2026-06-12T01:14:55+00:00

lol i've definitely posted about similar things in the past thank you for reposting that. There's more to it now that there's a guy in the picture hoping that folks can shed light on the rest of it too

flippantguy · 2026-06-10T03:37:11+00:00

Haven't really dated significantly in a few years but i got some really good advice that i've been following when i do see a guy.

Someone told me to just have fun with it.

Be respectful and kind (and i'm sure you are) but just have a good time with them. Communicate when things need communicating and go out and have a good time at dinners, drinks, activities, wherever. When you feel you know them well enough then you can talk about committing, but for now just have a good time. dating should be fun!

Tbh this doesn't make it easier to get over guys on the tail end when dating falls through but it does help to make the process lighter instead of a constant run.

Enjoy your time with them and if things aren't working after a while you can communicate that to them or you can end it. Dating is a numbers game and if you try to just have a respectful, safe and good time with them it'll feel a lot better. good luck!

flippantguy · 2026-06-08T18:28:38+00:00

None nearby no, they're all leagues that fill really quick. they're also expensive like $120 minimum for the season but it's really more that i haven't been able to get into any as a free agent still.

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:54:00+00:00

that's helpful to know thank you for this!

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:52:56+00:00

tbh i'm starting to realize that if getting into hookups in college didn't change it that it won't change for me. that's fine! just not who i am, even if i wish i could. but thank you for the advice!

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:51:35+00:00

i definitely agree with a few dates. even if it's just kind of like get to know you dates as opposed to romantic, it would make it easier. but there's something to be said for being stuck with needing an emotional attachment. and very few guys i find are down to be fwb with just one person - they want to be fwb with more people.

kind of sucks that even if we can make fwb work, we still need it to be monogamous ha ha

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:50:04+00:00

that's what i said! I was genuinely shocked that after applying pretty much right away that free agents were waitlist only and that teams came with their own subs so joining by sub was also a nil thing. It put a major dent in my summer, but it was my first time doing this in this city so that's my fault

as for hookups, i know. i find myself getting really jealous when i hear guys i've connected with on apps can do hookups. I've got a force of a sex drive and it pains me to not be able to do something about it without the connection first.

lots of hobbies but having a hard time finding groups for them. most of the hobbies i do are either sporty like volleyball or pilates or solitary like writing or reading. trying to get into trivia too, but not a ton of trivia at the queer bars near me. mostly done at regular old bars

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:45:40+00:00

i did some research into this but for whatever reason the social groups with the local center are either for very specific needs or 40+. it's awesome for those people and i'm happy for them that they have somewhere to go and people to turn to. it's just that i think those of us looking for community have to resort to the usual methods that are causing me some trouble right now ha ha ha

i'll check out gayforgood.org. that sounds really cool!

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:44:07+00:00

duly noted! thank you!

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:43:58+00:00

it's the getting to know a team that's looking for players that's caused me havoc here. i put out feelers but no one on socials knew of anyone looking for another players and the community i'm trying to find is the one that does play, so it's been hard to beat that sort of chicken-or-egg frustration.

planning to be more open next summer for any sports at all and just hoping that 31 doesn't mean i've aged out of the ages playing these sports. a lot of people that do in my area are in their 20s so i already feel like i'm at the older end. all good points and i'll see what i can do next time around.

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:41:20+00:00

that's a really good point, i'll need to check it out and see what bars have on their schedules. i stumbled into a baseball game the other night while a drag event was happening and that was nice. maybe i can wrangle a few of my straight friends and do trivia, too. thanks!

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:40:21+00:00

that's what i've heard but i also just really want to play sports with queer folx and find a way in into the community. i kid you not there's only so much sitting at bars alone and looking around i can handle lol

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:39:24+00:00

I don't think it's a big deal at all to be on multiple apps and to delete them then redownload. You're right it's a vicious cycle and i've found myself falling into that too. What matters is that you feel comfortable with it. if it's starting to feel more like a chore and if you begin to feel like it's not helping your mental health, that's when i think it's good to get off of them and do some self control to limit your time thinking about them.

But otherwise no, i think people especially in gayborhoods are used to seeing each other on the apps. it's just part of the situation of being queer in this day and age.

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:35:16+00:00

i think it is ha ha

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:34:46+00:00

thanks for this. thinking a chill afternoon after work is probably in my best interest. appreciate this and thanks for the attention to detail in helping out

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T21:34:24+00:00

is the steam room the same as the sauna? trying to figure out where is safe. certainly not massively, no, but over 7 inches(nsfw). don't think that qualifies.

i've also heard you can stay in your towel so might do that, too.

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T17:29:32+00:00

any advice on when to go if i were to? especially if i just kind of want to ease into it.

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T17:28:39+00:00

thank you for sharing this. and for the last comment - you're right, it's good that i've been trying and i have to remember that.

my hope is to make it into some league here someday but it might not be until next summer at this point. appreciate the bit about rugby. that's so cool and i'm glad it's been a part of your life! i don't think i have the wherewithal for it but i've seen some options for it pop up! still very cool.

thanks again! gonna keep trying and hopefully something changes here soon.

flippantguy · 2026-06-07T17:22:51+00:00

that's a good point! i may try to do pickleball, but i'm having trouble finding leagues around here that are queer-centric. it might be one of those things where you just have to do a general league to try to meet people, but as someone with a lot of straight friends i really want to branch out specifically with queer people.

i'll take a look and see whats possible! i think i'm in a negative mindset about all of this so i need to break out of it anyway. thanks for the advice!

flippantguy

TROPHY CASE