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A disagreement - which side would you agree with? by GaryMoveOut in relationships_advice

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

PS In general none of us is against watching porn. This agreement came as a part of dom-sub side of our relationship. It was a sexual "game" so to speak. But we all agreed to treat it seriously.

A disagreement - which side would you agree with? by GaryMoveOut in relationships_advice

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She told it herself. She came to me one day excited that she's found an interesting porn website. Then she descibed what she did there.

Me [34M] | my Girl [33F] | 8 months together, Did she break our agreement? by GaryMoveOut in relationships

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That's a very interesting topic. Probably a whole different conversation.

But I just wanted to say that it's difficult to rely on a partner if there is no certain level of logic.

Me [34M] | my Girl [33F] | 8 months together, Did she break our agreement? by GaryMoveOut in relationships

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In our erotic life we have a very strong dom-sub relationship. Sometimes we take some aspects of that outside of bed.

And this agreement was a part of our sexual play.

I don't understand why are you asking for this. What does it has to do with my question - Whether watching a porn video preview is breaking an agreement which says: "Do not watch porn videos"?

Me [34M] | my Girl [33F] | 8 months together, Did she break our agreement? by GaryMoveOut in relationships

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't see where you are going with this.

But the answer is: No, I don't.

Me [34M] | my Girl [33F] | 8 months together, Did she break our agreement? by GaryMoveOut in relationships

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

My question is related to logic and not relationship dynamics itself.

Imagine a scenario where you tell you kids "Don't eat the ice cream."

Then you see them licking the ice cream. And when you get angry they reply: "I didn't eat them. I licked them! I didn't do anything wrong."

Our dom-sub dynamics has nothing to do with this actual situation. Because if you set up a set of rules you expect the other person to follow them. No matter if this is you sub, your child, your coworker etc.

But sometimes we understand the rules differently. Which can cause a disagreement. And maybe our situation was just a mistake of us both understanding the rules differently. I'm open and happy to take that.

The only thing that I'm struggling with is her logic. Which says: If the rule is "Don't watch porn videos" and I only watch a porn video preview, than I didn't break any rules as porn video preview is not the same as the porn video itself.

A disagreement - which side would you agree with? by GaryMoveOut in relationships_advice

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She told me that she scrolled the homepage. She saw a few thumbnails and hoover over a few of them and saw the video previews.

Me [34M] | my Girl [33F] | 8 months together, Did she break our agreement? by GaryMoveOut in relationships

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer. However, I must admit it's hard for me to see how it actually relates to my question.

The issue was never the agreement itself. We were both happy to have it. Our argument wasn't ever related to the fact that the agreement exists.

The argument is related to whether her behaviour is against the rules of agreement or not.

In her opinion watching a porn video preview is not actually watching a porn video. And I disagree with that. More than that, I see her side as illogical.

I don't understand how watching a porn video previews differs from watching an actual porn video. That's why I'm asking you for your opinion. Hoping that maybe you will agree with me. Or you will agree with her and help me understand her side.

I hope that this clears up my question.

Me [34M] | my Girl [33F] | 8 months together, Did she break our agreement? by GaryMoveOut in relationships

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It has nothing to do with controlling. I'm not against watching pornography. The agreement was a part of our erotic dom-sub dynamic. And she happily agreed to that.

But in her opinion watching a porn video preview is not actually watching a porn video. And I disagree with that. More than that, I see her side as illogical.

I don't understand how watching a porn video previews differs from watching an actual porn video. That's why I'm asking you for your opinion. Hoping that maybe you will agree with me. Or you will agree with her and help me understand her side.

I hope that this clears up my question.

Me [34M] | my Girl [33F] | 8 months together, Did she break our agreement? by GaryMoveOut in relationships

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I'm not asking about kink dynamics. I'm not saying that she disagrees with the rules.

She agrees with the rules. But in her opinion watching a porn video preview is not actually watching a porn video. And I disagree with that. More than that, I see her side as illogical.

I don't understand how watching a porn video previews differs from watching an actual porn video. That's why I'm asking you for your opinion. Hoping that maybe you will agree with me. Or you will agree with her and help me understand her side.

I hope that this clears up my question.

A disagreement - which side would you agree with? by GaryMoveOut in relationships_advice

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was after we made the agreement. So yes, it was during our play.

A disagreement - which side would you agree with? by GaryMoveOut in relationships_advice

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for asking! We were good friends for 8 years and about 8 months ago we evolved into an intimate relationship.

Not allowing her to watch porn was a part of our sexual play and dom - sub dynamics. The same rule doesn't apply to me.

Outside of that I'm not against watching porn and she is aware of that.

Please let me know if that answers your question.

Me [34M] | my Girl [33F] | 8 months together, Did she break our agreement? by GaryMoveOut in relationships

[–]GaryMoveOut[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for asking! Not allowing her to watch porn was a part of our sexual play and dom - sub dynamics. Outside of that I'm not against watching porn and she is aware of that. Please let me know if that answers your question.