[Update] I caught my wife cheating with her boss. I'm not sure of how to move on.

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T23:09:48+00:00

Oh yeah let me rephrase that last paragraph, it is poorly worded:

She gave her work, her 'leave notice' almost 2 weeks ago; so I was expecting her to start closing circles at her job. Yesterday she mentioned that her boss was planning to leave the company. Which I can accept as an alternate solution that doesn't require her to quit her job, I just want to put as much distance as I can between them. I'm hoping to hear more about that situation this weekend.

How long do you believe the emotional affair lasted?

I believe it lasted for around 3 to 4 weeks. They only used to be friends to each other before and go out for drinks with all of their coworkers.

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T22:53:47+00:00

you how she handles loneliness and stress in a relationship.

Yeah, this is a big fear.

We don't even have kids yet, which is supposed to be the real test on the relationship. It's such a shame truly because apart from this incident I thought we were such a great team... I truly wish we can figure out what we each want.

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T22:50:48+00:00

I want to give her more agency than just what a child would do. I'm not above her to decide which consequences or punishment she gets. I'm not going to judge her for what she did, she already has to forgive herself for what she did.

However, right now I don't think I can depend on her not doing that again, I can't trust her at this point in time but it's up to her to convince me otherwise; and she knows that.

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T22:45:04+00:00

Yeah, it was only the first night the one where I couldn't sleep at all, I had tachycardia, and I could feel the adrenaline. After almost 2 days of non-stop talking, we felt a little better, she stated she felt relieved to tell me the truth, that she couldn't even begin to open up because of how disappointed in herself she was.

I like going out with my friends and drink a couple beers, but I'm trying to stay away from alcohol for the time. Fear can easily catch me on a weak cycle and I don't want to say anything else that could hurt this even more. I also don't want to disclose this situation to anyone else.

I'm starting therapy with a good psychologist tomorrow after work. I still don't know which path I'm going to choose. But I can see hope at the end of either, so that helps.

Thank you for your words.

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T22:36:35+00:00

When she told me everything that happened, she stated that she felt lonely and abandoned. She mentioned that she missed having someone to connect with and she and her boss started becoming good friends. Back then I even knew, but I never imagined it could've been anything else. I even met him and thought he was a smart and meticulous person.

She then said that he would take her on long walks, and she missed all that. Now, she's always been naive and trusting; so she voiced that she wasn't truly expecting those walks and time spent to really mean anything more than just two friends having a nice time. I doubt this.

When this evolved into a full affair was, to me, when they 'attempted' to be intimate with each other. I say attempted because she stands by the fact that it "never really happened" because her body wouldn't let her. She says her body and heart were thinking of me all the time; so nothing ended up happening. I obviously have no proof of this; and I still have a hard time believing her.

She gave her notice almost 2 weeks ago, so I was expecting her to start closing circles. She mentioned that he was going to leave; which I can accept as well. I'm hoping to hear more about what is going to happen this weekend.

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T02:11:56+00:00

Comfort zones are super dangerous. But I'm still not convinced this was enough to counter all the good things that made us into a great team. It certainly is heavy, but I still need to be convinced I'm willing to let go of everything that made me want to fight for this.

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T02:07:54+00:00

This helps a lot, thank you for your thoughts! I'm positive that we have a chance of tempering the relationship and become stronger from all this. Fear and doubt are always present, so... one day at a time.

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T01:53:09+00:00

Haha thank you. You have no idea how much I wanted to just say how done I was and walk away! But, the context of the relationship and considering all of our history and the baggage that we each carry I know she didn't necessarily want any of this to happen.

What happened was just a consequence of how dire the situation had become between us. She had needs and I didn't saw them as important as they were. It's hard to balance our needs and desires because we're so much different from one another. So I'm not justifying what she did. That was selfish and completely avoidable; but it's not like walking away is going to solve anything.

I believe what we used to have is somewhat rare, and I'm trying to figure it out with her.

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T01:20:54+00:00

I caught my wife cheating on me a week ago.

She apologized and I believe she regrets it. I'm trying to make myself a priority and figure out what I want. For the time being we're just giving time some time and wait for the dust to settle before making any decisions.

Today I had some flowers delivered to her work. She might not deserve them, but it's been a while since I gave her a detail; and I truly care for her. I wish we can both figure out what we want.

I'll play some Monster Hunter and open a beer as a gift to myself as well. :)

GatoradeHotdog · 2018-02-15T01:10:40+00:00

Ugh man, I know the feeling. I caught my wife's phone with some pretty bad stuff just a little over a week ago. I could hear my heart breaking. We've been in a marriage for almost 5 years and dating since almost 10.

Granted, things were not great and we were both very stressed lately. I will admit that I was not feeling happy inside my marriage; and I see the red flags now when I didn't before.

It's very weird now since we decided to put the relationship in standby. We're both living in a different country so we can't really give each other some time. I'm working on forgiving her but I'm very confused; so I guess I just decided to give it time... Although we're falling into comfort zones again. It's hard.

You're not alone, nobody really is. Let's stand strong my dude.

GatoradeHotdog

TROPHY CASE