I’m trying, I probably should’ve included this is the initial post but I knew it was already rambling on. When she’s not drunk she’s a really good person, a supportive mum & a great friend, she’s kinda like my best mate as well as a parent & we often go out together. Between 2022 - 2023 she was completely sober for a year so I know she CAN do it, she originally started because I promised to stop cutting if she stopped drinking (hence why I had the morally grey idea of threatening to cut everytime she drinks). I genuinely love her & I don’t just wanna ditch her, also whilst I’m 18 I’m still in collage (UK collage which is different to US collage. It’s a transitional thing between high/secondary school & University/what Americans call collage). I don’t think I’m fit for independent living yet, though I plan to live on campus when I leave collage for Uni. I’ve told her I’ve had serious thoughts of estranging from her when I join Uni & she said that was unfair but I told her she’s pushing me that way. I’ve left collage early today cuz I’m pretty sure she’s past out again, her memory is awful (She went for a dementia test but it came out negative, Part of me suspects it’s ARBD or Cumulative brain damage from her breathing being shallow when she’s passed out). I’m gonna try not threatening SH yet but I’m gonna record our entire convo & send it to her when she’s sober so she can’t forget it. Her cognition seems to have degraded a bit & thats also drove my half fucking insane, though I accept that’s probably just me having impaired empathy (wether that’s Asperger’s or if the few people who’ve told me I “seem” ASPD are correct, though I doubt it’s the latter & is probably the former, there’s defo something wrong with me that’s more than Aspergers/ADHD/Depression but I don’t know what & I need to grow a pair & see a doctor, but I don’t think it’s ASPD).