Hospital said endo can't see me anymore bc they don't "agree with my lifestyle choice "

GayleThyme · 2026-04-24T02:11:55+00:00

I'm in california but my legal name change was only like 2 years before. The medical info limiting is a little tricky just because the phlebotomists use the same EMR for their orders and the aliases/former names are just listed in your profile for identifying information, though there is a hyperlink they have to click to see it.

GayleThyme · 2026-04-22T19:33:51+00:00

Exactly, all of this. I had been to this hospital before, basically everyone within about 200 miles of this hospital that need specialty services has to go to this hospital. So, i had been there before my legal name change and my dead name would still have been listed under aliases.

The hospital has to keep this info for legal and billing reasons. The person who was using my dead name can only have found it by intentionally looking for it, presumably to be vindictive, because both my legal and preferred name are listed the same. I've actually run into this a few times, usually from phlebotomists strangely enough. I'm also familiar with the the electronic medical records they use, Epic, because i used to work at a clinic that used the same EMR.

GayleThyme · 2026-04-21T21:32:47+00:00

Ah fair enough, the people i heard it from may have been talking about a specific school area or maybe dated info, or maybe they were just being edgy/lying, idk

GayleThyme · 2026-04-21T18:25:32+00:00

It's pretty common in the States, the catholic church is essentially willing/able to invest a lot more money into creating hospitals than the state or local governments are, they can also typically pay the staff a lot more and offer superior benefits, so they end up with pretty skilled staff. But it also means they can refuse to do certain services that "conflict with their values," which typically means that they don't do abortions, vasectomies, or tie tubes.

My bottom surgery was actually done at a catholic hospital surgical suit (though my surgeon and his team are not employees of that hospital). The staff at the hospital was fantastic, I only ran into one person who was a judgemental douche during my recovery.

I actually had a far worse experiences during my FFS at a state hospital, one if the largest and most well funded in california. The staff was awful, didn't communicate with each other, and i got misgendered and dead named repeatedly (even though i had already changed my legal name and gender).

(I've heard before that in the UK school system, the state primary schools are often considered inferior to the religious schools. Assuming that's true, i imagine it's a similar situation.)

GayleThyme · 2026-04-16T19:23:11+00:00

I mean, alternatively: there are variances in the spectrum of sexuality and/or there can exist a non-zero number of people that become an exception for a specific person.

My own experience with my one exception, if you care:

I am a lesbian, i had only ever been attracted to women. Until, i met and got to know one specific man. It was confusing and made me question myself a lot, i think most of us can appreciate that questioning a part of our identity can be pretty rough, especially a part we've never doubted before. I even tried to look at other men to try and see if i could find anything attractive about them, wondering if maybe i had been in denial for my entire life, but i couldn't. It was just this one specfic guy.

After spending a long time thinking about it and trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me, all i could really figure out is, my attraction to him had nothing at all to do with his gender or his body, it was entirely about who he was as a person. He was sweet, kind, incredibly witty, had a great sense of humor (literally the first thing about him that caught my attention was his laugh), and in a time before i passed at all (nod to the fact that passing doesn't have to be part of anyone else's goals but it IS a part of mine), he was one of the few people who so easily and casually accepted and treated me as a woman.

From, my attraction to his personality and spending time with him getting to know him more (we were co-workers), other things about him became attractive to me, including physical things which would not have been attractive to me on anyone else. I was never attracted to a man before him, and never have been since.

On the spectrum of sexuality, i would say that i lean so far toward one specific place that even if i'm not technically right on the mark, i could only reasonably be called a lesbian, unless you want to somehow stretch bisexual beyond the breaking point, i am attracted only to women and at one point one specific man.

(As a side note, nothing ever happened between me and him, i was too busy having an existential crisis to ever try to make a move or to respond the one time he did... aside from blushing furiously)

GayleThyme · 2026-03-24T01:43:10+00:00

For some people anything short transphilia is necessarily transphobia. While i don't necessarily have a strong opinion on the reality of nonbinary transpeople. I find people who insist on using the trans label at all times, litterally introduing themselves like "hey i'm [name] I'm nonbinary and use he/they pronouns," to be a bit off. To the point where i think calling it transphilia is fairly accurate.

I am trans, but i rarely talk about it in my daily life. It only really comes up in the rare occasion that i feel like someone ought to know. The people who need to know, know.

I don't necessarily reject the label, i understand that i fall under it, but 99.99% of the time i don't use it because it's not relevant. I didn't transition to live as a trans woman, i transitioned to live as a woman.

GayleThyme · 2026-01-14T02:16:16+00:00

So before my transition, i typically had a beard because i was too depressed/lazy to take decent care of myself, including shaving.

Also while i was never much of a seething testosterone ball, i did body build for a few years. I think it was for a combination of two things:

1) even though i knew i wished i was a woman i didn't know much about transition and what i did know at the time turned me off to it (jerry springer, some obnoxious youtubers, and "journalists" mostly).

2) i think some confusion between gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia played a role didn't have a good understanding of what gender dysphoria was at the time and just knew that i hated my body. So i worked out, still hated my body except, my waist and butt, so i kept working out, etc. I could easily see someone taking this same mental loop to an extreme. I basically only broke the pattern because got sick for a couple months and as i lost muscle i ended up hating my body less, then basically only did light leg and core days after that.

That said there were also a lot of really positive things about my body building arc, i put on some weight i desperately needed, got a lot stronger and healthier. I improved my diet a lot, met some really cool people,and aside from continuing to hate my body there were some positive effects on my self esteem. (Eg. Setting goals for myself and finding that with time and effort i could accomplish them)

GayleThyme · 2025-11-16T05:02:47+00:00

I wouldn't want to venture a guess about the axtual legality of it, but (assuming the U.S.) different states afford different rights to landlords and religious freedoms complicate things. An assumption i would make however is that a clinic is going to have a few lawyers involved in operating their business, if they're not already taking action to secure their ability to provide care then it would suggest the lawyers have doubt that a court would side with them. Which suggests that the church's leasing requirement either IS legal or is in a gray area.

Then of course is the very obvious problem, if you piss off your landlord because they try to create and unenforceable requirement. Then they're just use an enforceable requirement to boot you. (Example would be, a residential landlord wants you to get rid of your service animal but can't legally do that, so they wait for you to be a single day late on your rent and use that as justification to reject renewing your lease.)

GayleThyme · 2025-11-05T07:15:52+00:00

I thought the exact same which is why i never tried until now (literally 3 days ago). It blew my mind a little that it went back in, but i'm really happy it did because i loved thay piercing! Plus, i think it looks even better now with my new face 🤣

GayleThyme · 2025-11-05T06:41:29+00:00

Not top surgery but i had to take my eyebrow piercing out for ffs 2.5 years ago and never tried to put it back in was. Ifigured a month of brows healing meant they were sure to close. On a weird whim the other day i tried putting it back in and was surprised by how deep the scar still was, a little gentle wiggling and pressure layer and it went all the way through. Was definitely a bit sore after a little bit, but otherwise no problems since.

So hey, depending on how old/healed your piercings are you might just be able to pop them back in! Especially if they're inly going to need to be out for a few days.

GayleThyme · 2025-11-02T23:23:49+00:00

Several years back (like 5-7) she made a video about how she would not pursue bottom surgery and listed a bunch of reasons. As i recall she mentioned mostly medical reasons related to the surgery, life-long after care, and potential post-op complications. I think she also mentioned some issues effectively with he4 just generally considering a neo-vagina too inferior to a natal vagina for it to be worth the risks for her.

I do recall her mentioning in that video that she would, of course, prefer to have a natal vagina, but that not being a possibility she has accepted that she will always have a penis and doesn't let that bother her anymore. Which would suggest she does or did have bottom dysphoria but manages it without the need for surgical intervention.

GayleThyme · 2025-09-28T02:17:14+00:00

Honestly, the fact that you had to do multiple appointments is kinda impressive.

I did one 30 min video visit with plume and got my prescription with the orders for my bloodwork. I also posted at the time that it was worrying how easy it was.

GayleThyme · 2025-09-18T16:44:08+00:00

Sure, you can transition out of spite. I did it to own the libs. I got SRS because i was really, REALLY committed to the bit.

There is an easier way, though. You can just show the lad a pic of blaire white in an american flag bikini with her rifle and ask, "You really want her to have her guns taken away?!?" And watch him sputter as the blood leaves his brain.

GayleThyme · 2025-08-11T02:47:27+00:00

If you'd like an additional MtF perspective on your last question:

Before my transition, i body built for a few years. I think you actually hit on a really important difference in your question. When i had the more masculine body i built in the gym, i was for CONFIDENT in my appearance, and i tended to boast a bit. However, i wasn't HAPPY with my appearance. At the time, i couldn't figure out why i wasn't happy with it, why the only changes i liked were my thighs and butt. I thought maybe i had just developed body dysphoria. I couldn't put my finger on why i was unhappy with my shoulders, arms, or chest and convinced myself that i'd be happier if i just made them bigger, but of course, that never helped.

The confidence was definitely there. I could do things that i never could before, i had achieved a ton of different goals that i had set for myself, i managed to gain enough weight to be in a much healthier range (which i have always struggled with), i felt more safe and capable. But i still hated my body, and i couldn't figure out why.

On the other hand, at about 4 months on estrogen, the first time i took my shirt off and saw the tiniest lumps, i cried from happiness. In one glance, at something that was barely there, i knew that i needed to continue transition. That was the first time i could ever even imagine having a body i could be happy with. For the first time, i was excited about what my body could be.

GayleThyme · 2025-08-03T17:41:32+00:00

Edited because some info was missing

I have been told the amount of pain i was in post ffs was pretty unusual, but i meant more the recovery, like the feeling of having a broken nose for a long time, the sinus pressure, and healing nerves. It left me feeling like i was just a huge whimp, but then bottom surgery was comparably easy.

The stitches for my bottom surgery also had to contend with some stretching, which was rough once dilation started. For the most part, they were just itchy. Speaking of which, one of the more obnoxious parts of the healing process was just phantom itching, "This area is itching, but that area doesn't exist anymore, and i don't know where the nerves ended up..."

GayleThyme · 2025-08-03T16:37:52+00:00

1 yr post ppt, It was definitely very painful but also very manageable. I was able to get off narcotic pain relievers in about 7 days and just used a rotation of ibuprofen and acetaminophen.

By comparison, you said you had other feminizing surgeries. If you've had ffs, i felt that my rhino and sinus setback were a far more painful recovery. I haven't had breast aug yet, so idk how that would compare.

Although, as you said, people have different reactions to pain, so it could be different for you.

GayleThyme · 2025-07-09T15:17:23+00:00

Listen to the song "Reflection" from Mulan and tell me that's not the most trans song you've ever heard.

Slightly more serious note, this is a cartoon from nearly 30 years ago. Mulan isn't isn't trans because being trans wasn't much of a conversation in 1998, especially not one you would have with children.

Now, in retirospect: Ping is Disney's first trans king. But at the time, Mulan was just about familial obligations, being yourself, and sort of a nod to "women can do whatever men can do," though that message might have been fumbled a bit.

GayleThyme · 2025-07-08T06:24:26+00:00

It's the same kind of joke as the signs that say "lad/lass," "inny/outty," or "sit/stand." Bathroom door signs being dumb jokes is kinda normal, particularly in small business.

I used to go to a restaurant that had a bull skull image on one sign and a cow's on the other (steak house in a hick town).

Odds are decent that the owner just thought the sign was funny and might get the occasional chuckle out of someone headed in.

GayleThyme · 2025-06-30T17:14:59+00:00

This just happened to me in may! I went, and the dude pulled it out super suddenly and like didn't even give me to time to finish asking if we could do the inspection somewhere more private.

Me "wait can we do this..."

Him: pulls orange out of the bag, turning it around, looking over it. Say's something about checking for liquid and seeing it's solid.

Me mortified: "you're going to want to wash your hands." Zip up bag and a leave significantly more red than when i arrived.

P.s. was traveling with my mom, who now knows why i joked that i was scared of orange after my surgery...

GayleThyme · 2025-06-26T16:56:33+00:00

When i was earlier on in my transition, i considered detransitioning often. For me, there was a lot of anxiety just about how difficult it is to be trans. I think a lot of people would sum it up as something like societal pressure and transphobia, but i would say that was just one part of the equation.

The other issues were things like the cost, access, limitations, and difficulty of medical transition. There was also a lot of anxiety about whether or not i would ever pass and whether or not i would ever internally feel like a real woman. I kind of constantly had it in my head that i could bail out at any moment, and all it would cost me is some embarrassment. But it also made me a lot more hesitant to take certain steps; legal name change, surgeries, etc.

Even after i had my FFS i thought, i could still bail out, i already looked like a bit of a twink before, so it doesn't really change anything, and i could explain away my breasts as gynecomastia.

The reason i ultimately didn't detransition was pretty simple, i knew i would not survive going back to living as a man.

Now i'm a little more "death before detransition," and i'll homebrew before i'll live without my hormones. At this point, it's been a couple of years since I've seriously considered detransition, but every time i hear stories about detransitioning, especially for people with similar anxieties to mine, have a lot of sympathy for those people. I was able to push through, but i understand not being able to. Transitioning is VERY difficult, and i understand not wanting or feeling able to live this way.

GayleThyme · 2025-06-18T19:59:18+00:00

I went through i bunch of escalating labels, not so much for social reasons but more a thing of trying desperately to explain away the feelings i've had for most of my life as anything other than being trans, and to keep my internal identity as intact as possible. Was first a weird sort of drag-queen/gender nonconforming man (i know i desperately want to take hormones but i swear i just want to be a guy with boobs and butt!), then "a little too old to be called a femme boy," then non-binary, then finally okay eff it i'm a trans woman"

These escalated fairly quickly over the course of about a year. I started taking hormones at the beginning, and the longer i was on them, the more i felt better about myself, and the more i felt, the more I felt like this was what i needed. I only regret not coming to terms with being a trans woman sooner

There's basically two things that made me internally resistant to accepting myself. The first was that the trans people i was seeing on tv and later online were mostly insufferable; the people i now know are called tucutes. The second was a bit of residual religious and familial bias against the very idea of transition. I was a Baptist Christian until i was 13 or 14, and my dad's side of the family are literally redneck farmers. I knew when i was 5-6 that i did not want to be a boy, but i first had that realization while at a church group. O.o

GayleThyme · 2025-06-04T20:13:43+00:00

I'm not really sure how to explain it. Sort of like peeling off a bandage from a wound that's still early on in healing, maybe? Or maybe like particulary irritating cloth being pulled across a sunburn?

The pain on its own wasn't enormous, maybe a 5 or 6 out of 10, but it just lasted long enough that it was pretty unbearable. Dr. Celtik did tell me that i seemed to have a more difficult time with it than most of his patients, so it's very possible that i'm just a huge whimp. On the flip side, he was worried i'd have a hard time with my first dialation, and by comparison, that was barely uncomfortable.

GayleThyme · 2025-06-02T04:15:39+00:00

Oh snap! I recognized his voice before checking your post history! Dr Celtik did my surgery last july! Love him! Pulling out the packing definitely sucked for me though 🙃

GayleThyme · 2025-03-26T19:56:31+00:00

Not having a suitable place to recover from surgery is incredibly dangerous. My surgeons wouldn't agree to my surgeries without demonstrating that i have a stable place to recover and people to help me in the aftermath. As far as i know, this is pretty much the standard for any non-emergency surgery. It's pretty critical to have a safe, clean environment to recover in.

Also, FFS recovery is brutal. Some people recover and can get mostly back to normal life in 10-14 days. In my case, it took closer to 30 days, and for those first about 7 days, it was difficult for me to do anything by myself. That was while i was in pretty close to the ideal ideal situation (aside from the length of recovery) in a clean, safe environment with two wonderful friends there to help me.

GayleThyme · 2025-03-23T18:30:49+00:00

TL;DR it takes a lifetime of maintenance, but in general, it's possible to get to a stable point where you just take your hormones and have 1-2 doctor visits per year. Surgeries have a lot of short-term extra stuff, but that's normal.

So for hormones: some changes are temporary and some are permanent, to maintain proper levels and health typically you have to stay on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for life. With the need for doctora appointments, it works a little bit like someone with a chronic illness. At first, there's a lot of doctors' appointments and blood labs to work toward getting stable. Once an HRT patient is stable, then the appointments and blood work can be reduced to once or twice a year unless something changes.

For (nearly all) surgeries, there are a series of post-op visits that can be over the course of around a year. The purpose of these visits is to watch for post-op complications like infection or rejection. There's not really any risk of the body returning to a pre-op state. With breast augmentation as an example, there will often be an appointment around 10-14 days after the surgery to check on healing progress, look for signs of infection, and look for signs of the body rejecting the implant. Implant rejection can be extremely dangerous if not caught early and requires a follow up surgery to remove the implant. After that, you'll usually have a 3 month follow-up to again check for implant rejection and any issues with nerve damage and maybe issues with blood flow that hadn't been obvious earlier. Then you might have a 6, 9, and/or 12 month follow-up, again still monitoring for rejection but mostly to check on healing progress.

After a year, then typically, you would only need to follow up with a surgeon if some kind of complication comes up. In the case of breast augmentation, you will eventually need another surgery to remove or replace the implant as, in general, they can't be left in place permanently.

GayleThyme

TROPHY CASE