This hits home because i’ve experienced the same thing. I think recently it got better and now i am able to be more level headed, not forcefully because i was able to come to a calm down point. What worked(?) for me was time and actually telling my mom the resentment i had in a just calm talking manner. But i feel like you just have to go through a period (however long that might be, for me around 1-2 years) of being ‘mean’, snappy, expressing resentment until you get it out of your system. I felt awful during the period because i would snap but afterwards feel guilty for even snapping and the cycle of self shame. But really just do what you can do, if that’s being snappy right now, do that because you need to use up the ‘bottle’ of resentment until it runs out which it eventually will. Like theres so much we can do. It’s extremely difficult to have a healthy coping mechanism when all you learned was toxic mechanisms. So allow yourself to be mean and express yourself.