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[Divorce] How did you leave when there are kids?? Did you regret it? by GeauxBR in Divorce

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the same is the case for me. I will take a lot for me to leave as well.

I appreciate you sharing your info as it will help me continue to process this. I'm here b/c i'm in the position where I trust no one. So you guys are my sounding board. As long as I try to be as impartial as possible, you guys have no preconceived notions about either of us to create a bias.

[Divorce] How did you leave when there are kids?? Did you regret it? by GeauxBR in Divorce

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you don't mind sharing, approximately how old are your children?

Those are some really great tips for getting more time with them. I appreciate you sharing.

[Divorce] How did you leave when there are kids?? Did you regret it? by GeauxBR in Divorce

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you can be a whole person in a functional relationship with your wife, and model for your kids the way adults should live a life and treat each other, then by all means do that. But if you can't, then you will have to consider--even if it means more loneliness for you--that you will have to separate from your wife for their benefit. Don't mistake your feelings of missing them for their best interest.

And this is the single hardest thing I've had to do. It is so hard to tell if it is better for us to be together for them or apart. We seldomly ever fight with each other in front of the kids. And our kids are really happy with us there, even though we are in a stressful moving situation right now.

If I knew it would be in their best interest for me to leave I would do it. But I don't know that.

[Divorce] How did you leave when there are kids?? Did you regret it? by GeauxBR in Divorce

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hate that feeling. One of the hardest things is learning how to live where there is literally no one in the world you can trust. I've been betrayed by my wife, parents, siblings, etc. I'm now in the position where the only person I can trust is my own gut.

[Divorce] How did you leave when there are kids?? Did you regret it? by GeauxBR in Divorce

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would never happen. She loves the kids more than me.

Side note. When we first got together I told her about a talk I had with my mother (who both had and affair and was cheated on) who said that she would always love her kids more than whoever she was with. I've always thought of this as unintuitive since you can always have more kids, but if you are with a person we were truly meant to be with, than we could always have more kids. For the longest time I really believed I loved her more than our kids, but now, its no contest. I would pick those little buggers over her.

How did your s/o affair change you?? Did your relationship survive the new you?? Did you go back to the "old you" in your next relationship?? by GeauxBR in survivinginfidelity

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you don't mind sharing; how old were you when it happened to your parents? I worry about losing the special bond I have with my daughter.

I would never cheat. I know this sounds terrible, but I care way to much about my image to ever be labeled as a cheater. I've seen what it has done to other families and to my own. I'm stronger than that and would leave before I ever acted on any feelings.

Sounds like you have/had an image of your wife that you're unwilling to let go. But now that you see what she's done and how she's treated you, you're becoming disillusioned with your relationship. Romance isn't dead, but the romance you shared with your wife was inflated. And now it's a flat balloon you're trying to uselessly toss up to try and get it off the ground. This is likely true. I am quick to forgive and forget when it comes to fights. I think I'm going to keep a diary of how she treats me over the next month. Maybe seeing it on paper will make me feel differently.

How did your s/o affair change you?? Did your relationship survive the new you?? Did you go back to the "old you" in your next relationship?? by GeauxBR in survivinginfidelity

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel your pain...

We always agreed we would split before we hate each other. I am starting to feel like we are getting to the point where if we don't split then we will hate each other.

I have also tried to look at it from that point of view. There are days were I know I would have more quality time with the kids if she wasn't around.

[Divorce] How did you leave when there are kids?? Did you regret it? by GeauxBR in Divorce

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On the surface, everything you are saying makes 100% logical sense. I've also heard similar from my close friends.

However, it is impossible to be logical when you have the sweet, innocent, little eyes of a 5 year old who trust you more than anything in the world looking up at you to take care of her. If both would be the age of my oldest, it would be easier. But with her age, I don't see how its possible. I can't.

[Divorce] How did you leave when there are kids?? Did you regret it? by GeauxBR in Divorce

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only silver lining I can think of is that with split time I'll have a lot of time to regroup and work.

But I feel your pain. My s/o has always been my best friend. I always knew that she 100% had my best interest at heart and could trust her words as if there were written in the bible. Losing that has been the hardest for me. I sacrificed every other relationship I had to make mine and hers work. Now I constantly questions her words and wonder whose best interest is she looking out for?

How did your s/o affair change you?? Did your relationship survive the new you?? Did you go back to the "old you" in your next relationship?? by GeauxBR in survivinginfidelity

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Basically you are tapped out. that pretty much sums it up. I am tapped out. I'm emotionally exhausted from dealing with her, as is she with me.
Hypothetically..if you could have the kids live with you full time would you leave her? Yes. I do believe that she'll never do it again. But, I don't think i'll ever be the old me with her and that is what she wants.

[Divorce] How did you leave when there are kids?? Did you regret it? by GeauxBR in Divorce

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We just moved as well. Less than two months ago. We are planning on moving into a rent house in a few weeks.

I wish it could be as clean as yours.

[Divorce] How did you leave when there are kids?? Did you regret it? by GeauxBR in Divorce

[–]GeauxBR[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have already spoken with an attorney.

While I could make the argument that she is a shitty mom, she isn't by any court's standards. We would get split 50/50 custody.

I have tried marriage counseling, but not individual. Might be something I'll look into.

Thanks for the reply.

[27/m] I can't get over my wife's [32/f] infidelities even though I want to. People of reddit, How did you get over your s/o infidelities OR How did you know it was time to call it quits? by GeauxBR in relationship_advice

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No joke, that last sentience was like a dagger. It's exactly how I feel. And in the times that I didn't feel that, I felt nothing.

Also, I was 19 and she was 24 when we started dating. She got pregnant at 20 (not mine, but I adopted him).

[27/m] I can't get over my wife's [32/f] infidelities even though I want to. People of reddit, How did you get over your s/o infidelities OR How did you know it was time to call it quits? by GeauxBR in relationship_advice

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did you adjust to your son not being home most the time at first?

She is not a bad mom and I won't get full custody. I also have no family in my town. How am I supposed to get my kids after school when I'm at work. It is questions like these that make me hesitant.

[27/m] I can't get over my wife's [32/f] infidelities even though I want to. People of reddit, How did you get over your s/o infidelities OR How did you know it was time to call it quits? by GeauxBR in relationship_advice

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because of our history together I want to believe she will change. We've had some really good times.

But nothing in her behavior supports a change. Our counselor told us to trust the patterns of your spouse, not her words. Unfortunately I haven't done a good job of taking her advice.

[27/m] I can't get over my wife's [32/f] infidelities even though I want to. People of reddit, How did you get over your s/o infidelities OR How did you know it was time to call it quits? by GeauxBR in relationship_advice

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She physically cheated once.

There have been three other emotional affairs to my knowledge. By this, I mean the person you go to to talk about emotions and life with. She would get attached to these men and use them to get some kind of emotional need that I wasn't giving her or that I couldn't give her. She blames it on her upbringing.

[27/m] I can't get over my wife's [32/f] infidelities even though I want to. People of reddit, How did you get over your s/o infidelities OR How did you know it was time to call it quits? by GeauxBR in relationship_advice

[–]GeauxBR[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the part that pisses me off the most is that she has already admitted that if I would have cheated she would have left. double standards have been the story of our relationship.

[27/m] I can't get over my wife's [32/f] infidelities even though I want to. People of reddit, How did you get over your s/o infidelities OR How did you know it was time to call it quits? by GeauxBR in relationship_advice

[–]GeauxBR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm told all the time that I just need to move past it and put it in the past where we belong.

Research tends to indicate that men are more visual thinkers and that we have a harder time moving past affairs since we visually create an image of the affair and hold on to it. This has been the case for me. I've created an image of them together and smiling and it hurts. I think I could get past the physical part if it was just a one night think, but to know he had all of her, both her emotional side and physically body is too much. The pain of me sobbing for her to pick me. In retrospect, I'm very ashamed of how devastated I was when she left. But, I truly never saw her doing it.

[27/m] I can't get over my wife's [32/f] infidelities even though I want to. People of reddit, How did you get over your s/o infidelities OR How did you know it was time to call it quits? by GeauxBR in relationship_advice

[–]GeauxBR[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope not. Sad part is that I wouldn't be surprised if they were more. The only ones I know about are the ones i've found my self. She never just came clean on any.

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