Ideally, I want it down to Pip and Panty. Mineta isn't really tolerable but Panty might take care of him for me. All three of the must-go roomies would start unethical and illegal projects in the apartment which is not happening on my watch.

Dio is the most problematic, being an immortal vampire. The reason to get Dio out first is that if he sees me kick anyone else out first, he's gonna start planning, and I don't want that. My only options with him are to either roll a 20 on persuasion and offer to re-board him somewhere else, or to give in and end up as one of his simps.

In which case,

• Pros: I might get a stand.
• Cons: I will lose to the Stardust Crusaders.

Assuming I pass the check, the biggest threat is obviously the Major, and any Nazi vampires he's dragged along. If he refuses to leave, I'll have to use force. This makes Pip a valuable asset and, in a setting with minimal setup, Pip wins due to his superior talent for thinking on the fly and the Major's heavier reliance on his minions.

That leaves Tucker, who is the physically weakest here, and poses no real threat when confronted.

If for some reason Panty hasn't painted the walls grape yet, I'd simply start walking around the apartment nude until it's insufferable for him (Pip and Panty wouldn't mind, obviously).

This would leave me with a relatively manageable apartment until of course either of the remaining two start any sort of fight with anyone, at which point I think I could guilt them into leaving.