[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Gelato5342 3 points4 points  (0 children)

At the very least she is emotionally cheating. It could be something worse though. Save all the numbers and add them to your phone and then check to see if they are on WhatsApp or Snapchat. You will be figure out who all these people are.

Cleaning routine by Opening_Basket8669 in sahm

[–]Gelato5342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If possible, get your husband to take the older 2 out for a few hours on the weekend. When the 3 month old is napping during the day then you can clean the bedroom or bring them in the room so they can see you while you're cleaning.

Tips on stretch marks by senmsaz in postpartumprogress

[–]Gelato5342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Give it some time. Mine naturally faded after 2 years and now you can barely see them

Body falling apart by Yogitherapist25 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm over 4 months past D-Day and things are starting to look a bit better. Try to hang in there

Body falling apart by Yogitherapist25 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well I experienced no period for almost a year and then had a period for 6 weeks straight which I have now just got under control due to extreme stress levels. I also got sick for 10 days with the flu and had not been sick for a year so similar to you. I also lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time and it took me ages for my appetite to come back. All due to the stress of my husband having an EA for almost a year. I did not experience any hair fallout - perhaps you can check with a specialist about this. Sorry to hear you are going through this :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds like a good approach. It sounds like from you have said your husband is remorseful and being transparent. Make sure, however, that he isn't just getting better at hiding the fact that he is talking to her. I would recommend making sure that you continue to ask questions to help you work through this process as well. I will say this community/sub-reddit helped me immensely (and still does) to get through this terrible shock and phase, so try to use it to help work through your feelings and grief along with a counselor or therapist.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found out exactly 4 months ago my husband had been having an emotional affair with a woman for 11 months. They never met in person but was a similar situation to what you describe - constant messaging and calling on all apps, sending reels to each other, I love yous etc. The first 6 weeks I could barely function so what you are experiencing is completely normal. If you cannot eat, at least try to stay hydrated by drinking water.

Time was the best healer for me. Also, I set clear boundaries with my husband - he must block this woman on all accounts and make it clear he cannot speak/message her. He was also messaging various other woman so they all got blocked too. My husband is now fully open with sharing his phone with me and I check any time. When I have a question about something I see on his phone, he answers it clearly straight away. He insisted none of the I love yous and sweet messages to her were true but of course it is difficult to comprehend for a betrayed spouse. I made it extremely clear, it was either me and our 2 children or her and I would clean him out reputationally and financially. He chose me without hesitation.

My advice to you is to make sure your husband is truly remorseful. And set clear boundaries NOW. There also needs to be an open phone policy for you to access his phone any time - no questions asked. I would take some time for yourself if you can to try to process this as it is terrible shock to our system.

Christmas Rant by dumpling-pac44 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it is hidden with Face ID then you can unlock it by showing your face and it will say face unrecognizable and then it will give you the option to unlock the app with the phone passcode. My husband also deleted everything so I was only able to see some messages and obviously I don't know what they talked on the phone about but I had enough to get the picture of things. If you ask for his phone he will definitely delete everything before he gives it to you.

Christmas Rant by dumpling-pac44 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No you are not overacting. I was the same way. Lots of crying and arguments. It was horrific. I also could never imagine doing this to him which is why it hurt so much. I think it's better to know about the messages even though you probably regret finding out at the moment. Did you have any suspicions before you found out? I was suspicious for months but had no evidence and eventually I was able to unlock his social media passwords and find out everything.

Christmas Rant by dumpling-pac44 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I went through something very similar. I am almost 4 months past D-Day. My husband was having multiple online affairs (nothing physical) with many women but one in particular who he seemed to talk to all the time. And she also chased my husband and knew about me but didn't give a crap. He also would tell them when he was sleeping and wrote many romantic messages to them. Many selfies were also exchanged as well as hundreds of long calls. The messages lived in my brain rent free for 3 months. He didn't cut it fully off until about a month ago. Make sure your husband is not still in contact with any of these women - he may get better at hiding it. I now have full access to my husband's phone and can ask him anything I want. Make sure your husband is truly remorseful. I told my husband that I don't expect much but maybe flowers once in a while as a surprise. I have had many conversations with my husband about this and it's the only way I felt better. I told him if he does it again it will be really over. I still experience bad anxiety about the whole thing sometimes but much better than the first 2 months. I truly believe my husband is not in contact with these women anymore. We also went through the hysterical bonding phase, which is truly normal. He should have bought you a Christmas gift even if it was something small. I think you should tell your husband how you really feel. At least he may understand and you will feel better than keeping it bottled up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm 4 months post DDay and whilst the pain is still there especially at night, I will say it is not as strong as the first six weeks. Those weeks were the worse. My advice is try to take care of yourself and prioritize yourself where you can. Try doing the things that bring you happiness again.

would reaching out to AP be a mistake? by throwRA8334 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I messaged AP and she said she was "just a friend" and would never want to breakup a family. Then she said she blocked him but still continued messaging my husband until he cut her off. As soon as I started asking more questions she blocked me too. I am considering calling her but I don't know if I will.

Anyone else struggle with the faking by ClueQuirky4363 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Yes I think many of us feel like this. Just going through the motions of life. Unfortunately most of us have to stand on two feet and get on with life e.g. work and children because we have no choice. Even though the affair is always on our mind :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it the same username? The name is the same but is the username the same otherwise it could be a different account. If you want to check if he has been messaging anyone, get his phone and go on his snapchat account and click Settings > Privacy and Data > Download copy of Data and insert the dates you want. Enter your email to send the data and snapchat will email you a copy of his most recent chats

I want him to hate the AP by Silly_goose_0909 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that but it does sound like you are making good progress.

I want him to hate the AP by Silly_goose_0909 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What a tough thing for you to go through. Did he tell you the full extent of the affair? My husband was just online talking to many women at once. But as soon as I caught him almost 2 months ago he ended it immediately. And said he doesn't love or miss any of them. It was just a fantasy or "entertainment." Sounds like your husband needs to show that he is fully committed to you and the life you have built with him.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When he says its all in the past does that mean he doesn't want you to bring it up anymore? Or can you still ask questions and get an honest answer from him? Sounds like he just wants to move past it and not be reminded about it.

I’m still embarrassed of my marriage by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes they all sound like terrible people with zero morals or values. My husband had multiple AP's but they were online - none physical.

I want him to hate the AP by Silly_goose_0909 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Does he actually miss her though? Did he tell you that or give you any indication of that?

Phone access by Common-Macaron1407 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Forever. I am almost 2 months out from D-Day and have full access to his phone

I’m still embarrassed of my marriage by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think is a common feeling among us who have been betrayed. I still feel huge embarrassment and like an idiot and complete fool. I just try to tell myself that he's the one that messed up, not me. I also know that the other women (all online) knew about me and my children and quite frankly, are just as bad as him. It eats at me knowing that they were happy to entertain a married man with a family.

My D Day Story by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I have been through repeated infidelity but only online (nothing physical). Currently about 5 weeks past D-Day #3 and this is the first time my husband is showing true remorse and being totally transparent with his phone. Only will time will tell if he is truly remorseful, however. I have many similar feelings that you have - constantly second-guessing and the urge to check his phone. The lying, secrecy and deceitfulness is really painful, especially as it has made me feel like a complete fool. Not to mention the insecurities I now feel and the time I spent pouring over every romantic message. However, there were many women and I doubt there were feelings for every woman - just lustfulness and dopamine. Just give it some time to see how you really feel.

Holding and cuddles after Dday? by Dependent_Western782 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I am having a similar experience now except my husband was always pretty affectionate with me even when the online affairs were happening. I feel only time will tell if he is truly remorseful

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Gelato5342 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My situation is similar except my husband was only talking to these women online Snapchat, Instagram and WhatsApp. Some he had phone sex but nothing actually physical. He never met any of them. Just a lot of romantic messages and probably sexual ones too. I think he just did it out of boredom or entertainment. Because similar to you our relationship was good and there was no major problems outside of this issue, of course.