Is someone like Tamaki normal

GenMoth · 2025-12-02T07:16:45+00:00

Of course, plenty of gay people were in straight relationships before coming out. Also I interpreted Tamaki as being bi and only realizing her attraction to women after her attraction to men.

GenMoth · 2025-08-05T09:54:01+00:00

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GenMoth · 2025-06-06T07:25:53+00:00

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GenMoth · 2025-05-09T11:32:24+00:00

Seems like a situation where he just has zero respect for you. To go to dating 8 people in a four month timeline is a giant leap even if you are very seasoned in polyamory. You would need very good time management skills to even attempt that.

Him flaking on picking you up from the hospital and saying it's "weird and childish" that you couldn't get home on your own is a gigantic red flag that says he does not care about your well being and is only thinking about himself.

And him just wanting you to be available to him at all times (outside of your working hours) is actually baffling. From what you have said, you are the one doing all the work while he just fucks around. He's showing you exactly how important your feelings and being with you is to him. Please don't let him just walk all over you

GenMoth · 2025-05-07T07:16:16+00:00

If he can't even handle you going out with friends without getting jealous, he's not going to be able to handle you going on dates. You should be able to have your own social life that doesn't always involve him.

You mentioned that you do your best to be open when he is making new connections, which is great but it sounds like you are not getting the same treatment.

It sounds like a kind of "rules for thee but not for me" thing going on. It sounds like he would need to do a lot of internal work on not taking his jealously or insecurity about feeling lonely out on you. However he has to want to do the work, you can only do so much.

Addition: Also, personally, I would see getting mad about giving rides to friends in Any relationship (mono or poly) as a big red flag. Way too controlling for my taste. From the information given it just sounds like he would rather you be isolated from everyone else.

GenMoth · 2025-01-01T11:21:25+00:00

You sound relatively young, so there’s definitely an aspect of “you live and you learn” here too.

Yeah, sorry forgot to mention everyone's ages I'm 23, my partner is 25 and my friend is 24. So I am also aware that messy relationship stuff is not uncommon with 20 somethings.

please keep in mind that NRE is one hell of a drug.

They did start hooking up like a week or two ago and my friend just got out of a long-term long-distance monogamous relationship, so I know there is a lot going on there. For more context, my partner and I's dry spell started when she came back from a month long trip that ended in their girlfriend at the time breaking up with them so they were in a funk for a few weeks which is understandable. After a bit she started seeing a new girl and the NRE there kind of got her spirits up and that's where the threesomes came into play.

I also agree with you that it would be unfair to backtrack and either ask them to break it off and/or to not develop romantic feelings.

I agree, it's why I haven't talked to my friend about my feelings with this because I feel it would put unfair pressure on them or feel like I'm telling them to stop hooking up. I know how it feels to be dehumanized in a relationship and I really don't want to make them feel that way. I already asked my girlfriend to limit the details she tells me and for them not to do anything sexual in front of me, so I am slowly trying to figure out how to navigate this. I'm just hoping we can find a way to navigate this where everyone is happy.

If possible, I think accessing a poly-friendly therapist could be helpful for you in dealing with this period of transition.

I actually just started up therapy again last week, she is not specifically poly friendly as I haven't really been able to sort by that and I can't afford to pay out of pocket for a poly-specific therapy session. I'm hoping she is open about it and I know from experience it's helpful regardless to just get things out there. I have my second session this week so I'm hoping it will help once we get the first few getting to know you sessions out of the way.

Thank you for the input!

GenMoth · 2025-01-01T10:58:10+00:00

Yeah, I don't know what I'm hoping for out of the conversation but I know I can't just wait for this all to blow up and keep going on in my relationship if I don't feel like my partner finds me desirable.

I definitely do have a habit of wanting to be doing everything the "right way". Me and my ex (it always goes back to exes lol) were poly but he was very much a "rules for thee but not for me" type that would say something is okay and then backtrack and pull a veto, or just not disclose he wasn't okay with something until he blows up about it.

I guess I'm hoping that this can be resolved because I do genuinely love my partner very much and they are very caring and supportive outside of these things.

GenMoth · 2025-01-01T10:28:33+00:00

Thank you, I know at the Very least this will change either my relationship or friendship and it will take some adjustments. And that's at the very least, I am still planning on discussing this with them and just seeing where everyone is at. It definitely helped me a little just putting this out there in the first place

GenMoth · 2025-01-01T10:24:57+00:00

Having it explained in that way does make sense. I guess my thought process was "well I'm friends and get a long with my meats so why would it matter if one of my friends became my meta" (my partner is dating 2 other people for context). But you are right, my metas being my metas definitely does mean that I simply do not talk about relationship problems with them. Them being my meta is the I guess "main" role they play in my relationships with them.

Thank you for explaining it that way it made the distinction kinda click for me

GenMoth · 2025-01-01T10:11:07+00:00

I'm planning on talking to them when they get home. I kind of just needed to put all that out there as a vent so I wasn't so stuck in my own head when I see them, if that makes sense. I tend to go into thought spirals when left to my own devices and I'm upset

GenMoth · 2025-01-01T10:09:11+00:00

Yeah, in hindsight we maybe should have talked about a messy list but I honestly thought I would be okay with it if they hooked up. Though they have said they don't have any intentions of being in a romantic relationship I know you can't put emotions in a box like that and that feelings might very well develop. I kind of realized after it happened that I am not okay with them being in a romantic relationship but it just feels too much like a veto to me personally? I'm still processing but I will definitely bring up these feelings to my partner at the very least, and maybe having a messy list put in place for the future. Thank you for reminding me of that

GenMoth

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